Chapter 1

"We revisit old feelings for the same reason -- comfort in words familiar even though we know the endings."

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Chapter 1: 

I sat in my bed with my laptop on my lap, going through old pictures. Whenever I feel lonely or sad, I go through things that rehash painful memories. Somehow, in this fucked up ritual I've made up, I can make myself feel again. When I've gone too long without facing my burning memories in the face I like to turn around and get a good ole sunburn. Take off the sunglasses. Remind myself of how much it hurts. 

I wonder, how something so mental, can make myself feel so much physical. I shove these memories into my face and I can make myself physically ill. I can bring myself to the point of crying so hard I vomit. My body shakes and tremors with a force that can take hours to stop. I cry until I can't anymore, yet the tears never stop streaming.

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My alarm goes off. I roll out of bed, shove my contacts in, and head for the showers. I live in a dorm with community bathrooms, so everyone has to share. Luckily for us lazier folk, a custodian comes and cleans them almost every day. Fortunately, the good one isn't taken. I've accustomed myself to waking up seven minutes earlier than I normally would, or else Carla gets the good shower and then I get to choose between waiting for her to finish or get stuck with the s****y ones. 

In the middle of shampooing, I hear the bathroom door open and I'm sure you can guess who it is-- Carla. I chuckle to myself as she starts one of the showers. I finish and rinse out my hair one last time before shutting the water off. 

I throw on some leggings and a sweater and head off to the dining hall. Everything here is basically s****y unless you know what to get. The oatmeal is usually pretty good, the eggs are always watered down, the fruit can't even be classified as fruit, and the sausage is stiff. The school can't afford bacon and everything is covered in grease and oils but there's an unlimited supply of fruit loops and lucky charms so breakfast isn't a complete bust. 

Walking to class makes me realize I completely disregarded my post-it reminder to check the weather. I shudder as I watch snowflakes float to the sidewalk. 

"Probably could have worn anything better than sandals," I mutter to myself. "D****t how hard would it have been to even look outside."

"F**k its cold," I hear someone bark to themselves while speed walking past. 

"At least I didn't wear shorts and a t-shirt," I smirked to myself. 

I swear, cold weather does something to people. Wisconsin folks are a hardy people, Midwesterners as a group typically are, but damn we always have to b***h about something. And since the weather usually blows, that's a popular topic of choice.

I'm not saying it like it's a bad thing, I'm guilty of it all the time. But this weather can be dreadful sometimes, especially when the snow blizzards kick in. Going to class goes from a short 5-minute walk to a 15 minute struggle against the elements, and praying your a*s doesn't make contact with the icy pavement for yet another day. 

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