Reminiscing

I woke up in the middle of the night

 the sky was quiet still

The moon shining so bright

But I found myself feeling so ill

I tried to figure out something unclear

As the voice inside my head kept reminding me 

 The one who had disappeared

It was you, the other part of me

Author's Note

Feel free to give comments, suggestions, or anything :)

Reviews

[KTizzle]

You know this poem has potential.

The moon often symbolizes femininity in literature and I thought it would have been really cool if you had expounded on the moon or use parts of the moon to connect with the feminine other part of you that is missing.

Instead of feeling ill, I would incorporate madness or a desire so pure, it's driving you insane because madness is also associated with the moon.

You can you use the darkness of the night or fog, or some kind of climate feature to help the rader imagine trying to figure "something unclear" with you.

Perhaps the voice inside your head could be the sound of her voice like a ghost or there was a wolf howl and that reminded you of her. Something besides a random voice.

I just think the poem needs a bit more unity, but that is just my opinion. I do recognize you have your own style and voice and you can navigate it however you like.

Keep working on it!

Thanks for posting! Have a great day!

[Kevin Gerardo]

First of all, I would like to say thank you for your encouraging opinion, it means a lot especially for a new poetry guy like me. Since this is the first time I write a poetry, I am a little bit puzzled how to express my idea. I think I should be putting a kind of extra effort for the next time I write a poetry. Also, like what you said beforehand that this poem needs a unity, maybe do you have some tips to share? I'll do appreciate it :)

[Coyote Poetry]

We learn often. Best part of us is never forgotten.
"I tried to figure out something unclear
As the voice inside my head kept reminding me
The one who had disappeared
It was you, the other part of me"
The above lines. Real life and true thoughts. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Kevin Gerardo]

Indeed! Thank you for liking and giving comment. My very pleasure.

[Coyote Poetry]

I did enjoy and you are welcome.

[JayG]

I would strongly suggest you read the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He has some things to say about language, prosody, and structured poetry that can be of great help to you.

[Kevin Gerardo]

Oh great. Thank you for your suggestion :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Its feels empty inside indeed when you aren't with the one you want to be the most with.. Nicely expressed..

[Kevin Gerardo]

Yeah indeed, you can understand what it feels like to be left alone. Nice to know that you like it. Thank you :)

[Dr. YumnaKay]

Yes I can! You are welcome ☺