home, until dawn

this is a collaboration with a good friend of mine from poetizer

“home until dawn”

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Beth
Khat
Carol
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2.14pm
10.8.21 [Khat]
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Pull me closer and whisper in my ear
dirty secrets that never seem to disappear
let me know if you’ve got enough of the high
I’ll let you off, but don’t you die
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I wonder what you mean to me
I wonder if you’ll set me free
I know that you’re the farthest from perfect
just tell me I’m worth it
maybe a part of me will be complete
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You lift me up
there’s no guarantee
where I’ll fall
but you’re my fallen tree
I’ll shape you into something new
we’ll be together, just me and you
there’s nothing I’d rather do
than to be here with you
.
�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"-
�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"
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{3:43 am} [Desenova}
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my mind is racing,
pacing,
humming along
to the song of longing
whispered by sirens
upon a stormy coast.
Even when you’re far away,
I could swear I feel you
right next to me;
I swear that I will meet you in my dreams,
and so I go to sleep.
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Shafts of light shine on through
the holes in the ceiling where I used to count broken tiles,
but now I just count the stars:
1,537…
1,538…
1,539…
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Where did all the time go?
Am I still dreaming,
wishing for you to come back?
Or maybe I’m the one who left
by staying exactly where I am?
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�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"-
�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"�"-
11.31pm
10.8.21 [Khat]
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I’m sure you’ve heard of all the lore
my enigmatic aroma barricades the door
touch me, please
I’ve already compromised my happiness for a life I’ll never live [love]
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But oh, be easy on my heart
take off your combat boots when you’re walking on my carpets
be sure to moisturize before you stain your secrets along the walls of these halls
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I know I’m in way over my head now
but I love the way these flowers grow in our garden
it’s like a work of art and
you may not ever be the chosen
but at least I get to say I left my f*****g heart wide open
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Touch me, please
touch all of my battle wounds
and flesh wounds
and silent tears away
touch me, please
take away my sadness
even if for a moment
you’re a good friend, you know it
let me find the sun in your eyes
touch me, please
I promise after, we can say our goodbyes’
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{10:11 AM} [Desenova]
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I don’t want you to fall,
just to come back to where you came from,
because those who are in love are the lucky ones,
because the rest of us are bitter
for someone else, we cannot have.
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Flaunting our open wounds
because we can’t express them in any other way,
but you can make sense of me,
make sense of all these destructive qualities ---
friend, please make sense of me for me.
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It’s like a hole in the sky
dripping oil from the darkness within
and I’m scared I’ll fall in.
Haunted by all these open wounds
that I can’t express clearly ---
can you make sense of me?
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Because those who are in love
are the lucky ones,
and I’m just bitter
over something else
that was never meant to be.
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Fingers tracing memories
on each other’s skin
like the creases of a map,
building up to that thing
we’ve been waiting for all our lives
without ever knowing it,
without knowing we needed it,
but here we are.
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Finally, here for one another,
no longer bitter,
but just as insane:
ain’t it just like love
to leave us in this state.
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1.30pm
10.9.21 [Khat]
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I’m a mess in a skintight dress,
When I fall in love, I risk it all �" that isn’t the best way, but still, I give my all,
‘’
I don’t know how you do it,
Living alone hasn’t always been kind to me,
I don’t know how you do it,
I’m scared so I wrap myself in blankets, but all it does is make me weak
‘’
I seek shelter in your arms,
[Beth is adding this part �" echoing Mom] Wake up with me in the morning, I’ll set up the alarm, [don’t wake up with me in the morning, it’ll set off the alarms],
So, I can leave without any warning,
Out of the safety of your warmth,
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I know I don’t always say it,
I know I’m scared to fall in love,
And if this isn’t love, then I don’t want it,
I’d rather think I’m in a fairytale then wake up alone,
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So, find me a stranger, whom I can give my heart to coz times’ up,
Or I can rest inside your heart, just please don’t give me up,
Please let me take a break, I’ve been making too many mistakes,
I’ve been making sound,
I’m too hurt,
And I’m in pain,
So let me take it out [on you],
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[Beth �" Moms’ Echo] Needle and thread, gotta get it out of my head,
Nothing lasts forever, so let’s make forever in ‘right now,’ [resume: Khat] at least before one of us winds up dead, or the other one shows us how.
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_____________________
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{6:01 PM}
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It doesn’t hurt when I breathe,
but the memories turn me into a victim
of nostalgia,
bringing me back to those places and things
I can never have again.
Happiness is Avarice -
it all stems from Want.
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But I’ve got a mood ring on every finger,
each telling me something different,
but I don’t care:
I’m coming for you, baby.
O --- how I’m coming for you,
with swords in my throat
and fire in my heart,
these dreams will come true.
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The future is untouched sheets of clay
ready to be made into infinite horizons,
where our souls can wander off
and orbit like planets around a star.
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Comets rained down like so many raindrops
upon our skin
as we turned the night sky into our blanket,
a canvas of love
to be filled with everything and everything else,
glittering, shimmering ---
born out of the black of our broken hearts,
leaving us with all that could have been
and all that we are to be.
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Happiness is Avarice,
but it’s all we ever want.
And can you really blame me?
The future is a blank canvas,
empty of everything,
an unformed pile of clay
waiting to be formed into something
by your creative hands.
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Let the pain go away;
make the pain go away;
let the pain go away
through the healing of time
guided by your hands.