Looking for Bantik

I find myself often riding the train

Passing from car to car, from stop to stop

Desperately Looking for her, And I wonder…

How many cars are on this train at all, for god’s sake?

And on which one of them… just one of them…

Will I ever find Bantik?

 

But then in one split of a moment I suddenly see her

Sitting with a sad look in her eyes

Hoping for something good to happen in her life

For a change, But I cannot approach

I’m paralyzed. Bantik is so close, yet so far in my imagination

And to think that I made her so happy once…

 

I have never felt so broken in my life

Never had this pain before

Like I do when looking for Bantik

On the train, in the park, on the streets, in my dreams

But I know that she had this pain when I let her down

Again, and again, and again… Bantik was broken before me.

 

You see, Bantik is emotional

And so sensitive in a way that is making me jealous

The feeling of being so hurt

So clueless, so hopeless, so in love

The kind of love that will never be realized

By someone like me, so ego centered, so blind to what love is

 

So I‘ve come to a conclusion.

That Bantik doesn’t want to be found

Especially by me, because karma is not up to anybody

And more than I feel sorry for myself

I cry because I still care, I really do

And Bantik… she won’t answer my phone calls

 

The angels in my life say that I’m better off without Bantik

But the angels in my life are so not the angels I would listen to anyway

So here I am finding myself looking for Bantik on a daily basis

And the hell with conclusions, Bantik still wants me to find her

Because she knows deep inside her heart, that only I can make her happy

In a way she wasn’t before and will never be without me.

 

So I keep looking for Bantik

While approaching the limit of hope that my heart can deal with

And I know that she’s out there, sharing my pain

And thinking about me, knowing I’m still looking

The train is moving again and I’m between the cars now

I’m desperately looking for her, and I wonder…

 

On which one of them cars… just one of them…

Will I ever find Bantik?