Lady Killer

this night is sticking

clinging

like a needy child

you shake off

this night is dying

bugs on the eyes

dead

You hold the smoking gun

You hold the blankets tight over your head

You pretend you don’t know

You’re a killer

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

we can wish in the morning, the end of night and feel like killers..

i really love the imagery..."bugs on the eyes, dead"

damn, you always did have knack for turning a phrase, my friend.

have you checked out Sarah W.'s work? really excellent poet...

good stuff...

i might slip in and steal your afternoon before you get a chance to kill it...:)

[aria]

Thank you Jacob. That's my favorite line from this piece as well. I have looked at a few of Sarah's poems and really enjoyed them. She is quite talented! This is a great site.

[QuietlyCrash]

Wow. I can't even fathom how you wrote this. In so little words you managed to bring so many emotions.
"You pretend you don't know you're a killer" DAYUM. That's powerful. In the span of a few lines you have created something so thought provoking and strange; I'll be thinking about this all night. Great job, Aria. I'm happy to have stumbled upon your work. I can't wait to read more.
-Riley

[aria]

Thanks so much Riley! I have really worked in recent years to try to be as economical with my words as possible. I try not to distract with too much punctuation at times, too, but sometimes I worry about whether or not my message might get lost with all that. It seems like people are definitely getting it, though which rocks. Thanks again for reading me. I will stop by and check out your work as well.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Wow...this was quite thought provoking. I really enjoyed the imagery here; the way that you infused the piece with things like "needy child" and "bugs on the eyes"--such juxtaposed images and yet they fit. I like your poetic voice and style; it has a certain unique and unorthodox flair that I can appreciate.

Technically, I don't see a lot wrong with this piece (not much at all really), the only thing that stood out was the line "You hold the blankets tight over your head", it may sound better as "You hold tight the blankets over your head" or possibly "You hold tight the blankets overhead" to cut that line down a bit and aid the flow. Overall, this was very impressive and I truly look forward to reading more of you!

[aria]

Thanks Sarah for what you said. I can see what you are talking about with that line. I'll see what I can do!