Oblivion

Wind, unbridled and unseen

Tests the bulk of my sails

Playfully whipping against my back

A strong and urgent omen

- Too much time has come to pass

 

Ores find motion in the greedy demand for your voice

Like magic the forgotten becomes new again

Whispering secrets longing to be unveiled

An adventure is just around the bend

            - With the power to bring you back to me

 

Sailing into oblivion, sight unseen

But I’ve got you to light the way

Through the darkest storm

Or in the brightest day

            - You’ve always been inside my heart

 

Flung like a tear drop over the world's end

To fall like an angel with broken wings

Am I up side down or right side up?

It’s so dark beneath the water

            - I can’t breathe

           

Through the void a disembodied light appears

Lifting me from nothing unto the heavens

We skitter like fireflies among the stars

My heart perfectly in tune with yours

            - Oh, how I’ve missed you!

 

Behind closed eyes my sigh is deep

But the breath I offer is cold as the ocean deep

The chill is how I come to know,

The way one knows

- Oblivion is where lost souls go

Author's Note

Another experiment. Thoughts are welcome.

Reviews

[Astro]

There are a lot of great lines in this one K, and the imagery is beautiful and sharp. I like the descriptions of the wind, and the tear over the edge of the world, falling like an angel with broken wings. Excellent. The overall theme of being lost and found, is something that will connect with a large audience I think. In that last section I personally, would change one of your uses of the word "deep" to a different synonym. Aside from that, I think this one is a great piece and a successful experiment.

[Girl Friday (Sarah W.)]

Can't believe I missed this one! Such a haunting piece, but in the most beautiful of ways. I like the offset lines, because they are almost a commentary on what comes before, which fits nicely.

Through the void a disembodied light appears
Lifting me from nothing unto the heavens -- great lines...perfect depiction of ascention.

We skitter like fireflies among the stars -- great image!

And the last line:

Oblivion is where lost souls go -- really loved this line, and a great way to end the piece.

Overall, this was very nicely arranged, and you used a lot of great wording and phrasing. Completely enjoyed the read!

[Rita L. Sev]

Love the imagery in this piece.

Those last lines in each stanza read like a poem on their own, hitting your message home.

Flung like a tear drop over the world's end
To fall like an angel with broken wings...

Nicely done, Kristin!

[Jack...]

Very nicely done my friend. I suppose we all go somewhere and oblivion seems like a good description to me. Though in the case of this moment right now, your beautiful poem will live on when we all have found where it is the we end up.

[Frieda P]

Oblivion is where lost lost souls go....and poets alike it seems. Great read Kristin, I really love this one!

Flung like a tear drop over the world's end
To fall like an angel with broken wings
Am I up side down or right side up?
It’s so dark beneath the water
- I can’t breathe

That stanza took my breath away....lovely. Favorite.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

does love send me to oblivion or is it oblivion where i find love....good question...lots to ponder with this piece...4th stanza...did you mean "world's end"? and "I can't breathe"?

i love "flung like a tear drop" very cool phrasing there.

[Sami Khalil]

An amazing write full of deep metaphors and imagery.
"Lifting me from nothing unto the heavens
We skitter like fireflies among the stars
My heart perfectly in tune with yours
- Oh, how I've missed you!"
You have taken us on a journey into oblivion and then to see the light of love at the end of the tunnel.
A splendid one...:)

[Pryde Foltz]

Oblivion is where lost souls go

Fantastic write. Romantic, playful and passionate. But this line stands as a poem itself. in oblivion? Are we lost or hiding?