SWALLOWED STANZAS

12 13 10

I.

Brimstone sentiments accrue between my ears
Infernos of intent evaporate the frazzled tears
I was collecting for a pool of solace in which I could dip
my flaming head when hot environments unlocked my frozen lip

II.

Sometimes I think my stomach imitates a salt mine
when I swallow the prescribed advice on which I daily dine
Nightly I receive the water from the serpent glass I swear
is filled by no one but replenished by sin vapors hiding in my air

Author's Note

An aging piece that is very much on par with how I'm feeling these days.

Reviews

[Prolific In Verse]

You should continue this write! What I've come to realize about you is you suffer in a very original way and some of your best work reflects your struggles as seen in an artistic light. And of course you know, millions will come to live who suffer a bit like you, so as such, even your darkest work could have considerable value in giving others solace.

And we all have our gift to give of what we do and how we give back to life. I am pretty sure you will get published, if you haven't already and if you need somoen to write a forward or a review...

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much, I never thought I would be revisiting this one but after numerous urgings to extend it, I may very well be doing that :) I have a few social shortcomings that I've been dealing with for most of my life and I'm sure my writing voice was borne of those circumstances...I was sure there were others in the same boat but I never really came across any till I came here, and I've been more prolific than I've ever been since.

I did manage to break through and make it into a couple of magazines this year...I was never actually a "serious" writer so my goal was pretty modest: I just wanted to get one thing published and if I did, I'd die happy, and I've exceeded that goal by two haha Now I'd like to get into a mainstream publication some day...again thank you for the kind words :)

[That_Girl]

Only in my wildest dreams will I ever be able to write half as well as you do. I'd definitely love to read more, the second part is absolutely phenomenal... But not finished. Or so it feels to me.

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Avy, that means a lot :) I've never been able to come up with anything decent to add to it lol

[Hamza]

was staring at your work for several minutes ...
i think each line you wrote is based on discrete facts and its not just a one-stanza-one-thought kind of a writing ..
and the perfection with which you add metaphors ... i can say an ingenious mind ... :)

[kublakhan27]

Thanks very much, that means a lot :)

[Hamza]

:)

[Felicity's Eve]

I love your descriptions and similes in this. A fascinating vocabulary as well. :)

Incredible piece!

100/100

[kublakhan27]

Thank you Nora :D

[Felicity's Eve]

:)

[gombeggar]

nicely bitter and sour, sometimes dry

u missed a 't' in 'but' on the last line

is there more to this? cuz i'd like to see where this goes if it does have more

[kublakhan27]

Yep, the but has been attended to...thanks for the heads-up though haha It is a bit of a cliffhanger but I simply couldn't come up with anything convincing enough to extend it...I'm glad you like it though^^

[Frieda P]

Wow your descriptions are spot on, made me feel what you're going through. It's concisely wound tight in it's delivery. Well done, I like this a lot.

Did you mean bu or but?

[kublakhan27]

Oh, that would be but :P Thanks for the heads-up lol and I'm glad you like it :)

[Phillitup]

interesting...

[kublakhan27]

I'm glad it made you think...it makes me think a lot too...