Plummet

How many righteous angels can

Dance on the brink of heaven,

‘Til they plummet into a nightmare

By virtue of their own indiscretion?

 

Should flames rise above to lick their throats

As they gaze towards distant sun;

Deprecating their past, rebellious psych,

Bawling out:God, what have I done?

Reviews

[eeoopig]

Loved it, very creative! It was really effective for a short poem. One who lacks better judgement will fall. Good work

[Anthem]

This is nice and succinct. Interesting how we demand grace despite our "indescretions."

[Extant]

"Dance on the brink of heaven", that's beautiful imagery. I can't quite formulate a comment on the content, but the rhymes and structure are all wonderful.

[Rox Bain ☮]

I love this :)
The ending is particularly effective.

[Rhea752]

loved this write. this has a great flow and a great story!! keep writing :D

[The Jay]

It is easy to follow something for long without questioning the truth of it, and those who do often end up regretting it while finding themselves falling into an abyss of nothingness(unanswered questions). Good piece.

[Tai Ryens]

Quite an insightful way to look at it, thanks for reviewing.

[xxxrawr_friendxxx]

Let me just say, this is amazing.
The first stanza kind of made me think about the point you previously brought; how if a few people do something it's "expressing your opinion", and if it's a lot of people it's "leading a revolution".
In the second stanza, I started thinking that people could think they're doing something great, changing the world, but when it's too late they realize that they were going in the opposite direction. Really great, man.

[Tai Ryens]

I'm glad you found a personal meaning to it, interesting thought. Thanks.

[xxxrawr_friendxxx]

My pleasure. :D

[Michael G.]

Interesting theological thought.
Does this mean if a number remained below a certain number, they could continue their dance undisturbed?

[Tai Ryens]

Interesting question . . . Put it this way: Three men speaking their minds against a higher power could be labelled as only expressing their opinions, whereas three hundred people banding together and speaking against the higher powers may be considered as a revolution.
I seem to have written with that concept unconsciously, so I'm not too sure if I said it right or I still need to contemplate a better answer.
Thanks for reviewing.

[Michael G.]

Ryan, interesting thought you bring back as a counter argument. Not wishing to argue the theology of this thought though, at this time. I believe we both have given the other food for thought.( He said smiling.)

[Tai Ryens]

Besides (just a hint, heh), I love to etch metaphors within the words of my pieces.

[Michael G.]

Is this like the political metaphor with etch a sketch? Say it a certain way, then shake it up later and make it sound different? LOL! Ryan, you're cool man. I think this is why I really like you and your style.

[Tai Ryens]

I do find my form of writing quite intriguing, mysterious to myself even. I intended for a different meaning, though when your question came to mind my first answer was a political one. I'd be happy to explain in a message what my personal intention for this is, but I'm far more interested in yours.

[Michael G.]

Send me your thought.

[nigrum homonculus]

wait a second....this is about Lucifer right? the angel of music who challenged god and got banished to hell. if so you did this very very well. the flow was on point and the vocab was perfect. well done!

[Tai Ryens]

My personal interpretation of this is somewhat different; but as they say: "Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder."
Thanks.

[nigrum homonculus]

no problem!