The Park

This poem is about me and my journey to be happy. I am currently going through frequent delusions and I hear voices / have conversations with objects from my exposure to narcotics.

The Park

Words leave my mouth but only to bounce off the walls. 

Sometimes I’d rather talk to myself than answer another call. 

Friends come and go but few understand how I truly am. 

Conversations take place. I miss being alone but that cannot be the plan. 

Socializing can be difficult and making plans is even tougher. 

Leaving my house makes me nervous and my ego begins to suffer. 

Past experiences make my heart ache and knocks on the door make me worry.

I look back on my life, parents picking me up off the floor. Please hurry. 

I’ve spent the majority of my life making the wrong choices. 

I’ve had people there to support me but no one can hear the voices.

I can hear people talking but I can only imagine what they’re saying. 

Disappointment is in the air. They look at me, but no one is staying. 

These decisions are the wrong ones, but they are the ones I’m making. 

Love and support is no longer needed when the devil sits on your shoulder. 

He tells me I can be like him one day, I just need to be a little older. 

I hear voices and see people, but I can’t find anyone anymore. 

Recent relationships haunt me as I keep a conversation with the floor. 

I don’t know what I have, but I know it can’t be fixed. 

Medication is what I took to get here. I cannot add to the list. 

Spirits haunt me and substances control me. 

Nerves and stress tear my heart and mind to shreds. If only. 

If only the right person had come along to show me the way. 

Heaven isn’t far, unless you’re going the wrong way. 

Life sits on the park bench waiting for you to say hello and introduce yourself. 

Life is something we take for granted. We can’t be afraid to ask for help. 

Life gives us the opportunity to make something of the souls we were given. 

Some of us choose to be angels, while the rest of us remain hidden. 

I’m not a bad person or an enemy to anyone.

But loneliness and depression have taken everything, everyone. 

I’m alone in this world with a life full of regret. 

No one has taught me how to be happy, at least, not yet. 

The world is changing around me and I’m sitting alone in my house. 

My best friends act the most illegitimate. What are they doing now?

What do normal people do while the rest of wait?

I don’t go out. I don’t make plans. I don’t decide my fate. 

But the Lord understands right from wrong and picks his angels carefully. 

There may be room in my house, but there is no room, up there, for my sanctity. 

Evilness crawls through my window while I’m attempting to sleep. 

Hatred and anger fill my mind but I don’t make a peep. 

I’m not an angry person, but my depression pretends to be mad. 

Frustration and fear flood my body while evilness laughs. 

I want to do the right thing so badly, but  I’ve lost sight of the race. 

Addiction and abuse is where I make a living while I look God in the face. 

There is no turning back now. This ride has no end. 

I go up  then down, again and again. 

Lord, if you’re reading this, I want to change my life into something worth remembering. 

The choices and decisions I made have brought me nothing, and my plane is descending. 

Forgive me for the people I’ve hurt and help me become someone special. 

The life we’re given only lasts so long, I promise to be more careful. 

Author's Note

I wrote this in about twenty minutes. Writing flows out of me when I need to express myself. -Very depressing. Very personal. I am sober now but unfortunately experience visions / un-real conversations from past drug use. Last night I found myself talking to a jacket on the couch thinking it was a close friend. Sad, but true. Thanks for reading.

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

So glad I found this write. How courageous of you to give readers an insight into the constant struggle you face with each day. You have written in depth and with immense feeling. I have a relative who suffers with voices. It is so debilitating for them. Amazing it only took twenty minutes for you to express your inner emotion in this way. Well done says I.

Chris

[LlamaLord]

Thank you very much for the review. My other writing is similar to this style. I appreciate you reading