What have I done

A Story by Latisha AS

As I walked through the narrow paths of the graveyard, dried up leaves were cracking under my boots. I gazed up and saw biggest and brightest stars I've ever seen. It was dark but a few of the gravestones were simmering under the moonlight. Some street lamps dimmed over empty wet benches. I looked up and saw clouds rolling in, and I knew that a storm was going to come any minute. I tried to avoid the rain by putting my purse over my head but after I got completely soaked I gave up.

I saw a shadowy figure in the distance, it looked all black but as it got closer I noticed the figure was a man, he was very pale and had short wavy brown hair. He wore all black and as he inched closer to me and I heard him whisper something under his breath, although I couldn't make it out I could hear the raspiness of voice and it made my heart pound. All I could focus on was his white skeleton like hand's quiver back and forth. He was getting closer and felt like something horrible was going to happen.

After I passed him I reached for my phone because I was so nervous. I put my ear buds so in so I could listen to music and calm down. I put on my favorite playlist and I started singing quietly. While I was looking at the names on gravestones I noticed a smashed bottle of vodka covered up with some leaves and torn up grass. Annoyed by the fact someone was littering I walked closer to the glass, to pick it up and turned around to find this man standing right behind with his hand out. He was offering help and handed me a bag to put the glass shreads in. He then introduced himself as Brandon. He kept telling me it wasn't safe to be out this late and I could smell the liquor with every breath he took. I knew it wasn't safe of course but I didn't really care, we talked for a while just throwing random questions at each other. He offered to walk me through the foggy graveyard but I refused and he wouldn't take no for an answer.

He started to follow me but I didn't really mind considering he was the first nice person I've met in this town. And he was very handsome. We were walking for a while when he finally asked where I was going. I had no destination in mind, I was just walking.

I told Brandon I had never tasted liquor but I knew the smell anywhere. He then proceeded to give me some and it made my stomach feel warm and my head felt dizzy, it was a strange feeling but I liked it. I wanted more.

I was always told not to talk to strangers or be walking around late at night but it felt nice to let loose something. I wanted to stay out all night with him. Learn more about him because I felt a connection with him. I felt safe and at home, and I haven't felt that way in a very long time.

I woke up in my room, I don't remember how I got here? Did he walk me or did I wonder off here alone... I wonder where he went or if I'll ever run into him again. Just thinking about not having him around made me kind of sad in a way, I felt lonely but I can't quite tell the facts apart from the what I might have made up while I was dreaming. Did I even meet him or what it all a dream because I have been feeling very strange lately?

I know I shouldn't be obsessing over this, and I keep telling myself I made it up but it felt so real I wish it were real.

I haven't been able to sleep for almost four days, these memories keep replaying in my mind like a movie that has been scratched so many times it just skips parts. I've walked the streets hoping I'd see you, I went to the exact same spot we met and waiting quietly hoping you would be walking by but nobody came the graveyard it was empty just like me.

Brandon Williams, your name won't stop repeating in my head. It's like you're some vision I made up because I was so alone. I need to get you out of my head and start focusing on better things. But I can't stop thinking about those short hours we spent together.

Today I woke up feeling worse than ever. I started drinking almost every night and now I see why you started drinking, it's a great way to block everything out. I don't even feel upset anymore. I drink and I feel alive again.. I feel, hmm, what the word? Happy.

I saw him again today, and I told him everything. I pulled out a bottle of liquor and he seemed surprised and very upset, I'm not sure what I did wrong but I didn't care, I was with him and that's all that matters.

He was sad that I started drinking just because I missed him, but that's not all of it. I started drinking because I felt so drained and like I needed a spark and it worked. He told me he likes to write and that he made a poem about me and that night and I feel so overjoyed.

Ever since Elizabeth passed I haven't really been able to move on and make friends, I've kinda just put up this wall and blocked everyone out even my closest family, I wonder why it feels different with him?