If Ever I Win

The perspective of this pain is skewed

Your words cut deeper

For me to be happy means submission

 

Another link to add to the chain

The chain I can never get rid of

 

My key is marked "danger"

Only a derivative of your anger

Anger I created from simply breathing

 

I can't win

I never can

Never have

 

Expectations of losing this metal that scrapes against the cold pavement reduces everyday

 

I would never purposely hurt you

You are too precious for that

Beautiful things are coming to you

Unfortunately I am not a beauty

I am just a ball on a chain

Author's Note

Critiques always welcome.

Reviews

[Susanna F]

I could analyze this for hours. So I'd say that means you did a good job. The changing structure is fascinating, kept me guessing. The one thing I have to say about this poem is - I think it is saying the opposite of what it says. The meaning that comes across to me is that the pain and submission are not a joy at all, that the speaker is beautiful and unappreciated, and deserves to win, the anger and cutting words are undeserved. I wonder if you meant it to sound this way.

[Bobworth F. Nilly]

heart wrenching!

[hmm]

no critique here, but i loved this one. Nicely done

[Distant horizons]

Brilliantly written. no critique. Really enjoyed your words. sad and thought filled write.

[yna]

i dont know why, but your words....it catches me off my beat..

[LeGingersnap]

Thanks Susanna. The speaker here felt that she actual did deserve the pain, even though it was not joyful. The speaker feels beauty did not belong to her, nor winning. I meant it to sound that way, maybe I missed the mark on doing that in this poem.