who

a poem i wrote after a failed attempt to take my own life.

who is it that i am
lost forever in a sea of sand
always found
but never sound
i fall deep
as i try to sleep
in this never ending slide
where i must hide
from the creatures inside my own head
and i felt like lead
untill the gravity stopped
and then i couldn't keep my tears locked up anymore
and i guess this is the end
yet i still have time to spend
so why dont you lend me a hand
and take command of my life.

Author's Note

this is one of my first poems i had ever tried to write

Reviews

[John Mallett]

Good, some of the imagery is powerful, in particular the "sea of sand" analogy used. However sometimes it seems too explicit in its expression, poetry should never bludgeon an audience to be moved, more it should seep into them. Very promising though.

[little_k]

much thanks for the review, i shall take this into consideration.

[Emma Keynes]

I really liked how you were really subtle in what you were saying, yet it was extremely powerful. Your voice is really clear and strong and I was really moved by this poem.

[little_k]

thank you for the review!