A Wicked Tale

it just came to me.. wrote itself; inspired by the movie the last exorcism.. it scared me so bad lol

The crisp midnight air rams

on the window panes

waking the tired and weary.

Frightened, the little girl

stirs in her coffin like bed

seeing outstretched

monsters, taunting and glaring.

thud, thud, thud.

the window bursts open..

in flies the demon.

Patient, laughing a thunder

taking its time making sure

the girl knows.

It slithers in the sweet skin;

burning tongue

like acid.

The little girl stifles a scream.

He's in Control now.

Mother goes to check on her.

The awful stench of blood and rotten flesh

Catches her attention.

Illuminating the room, she sees

Her little girl floating in the center

Of the room.

The light startles him.

The little body swings vertically and sways side to side.

beautiful hair falls gently from the scalp.

“Daisy, sweetie?,” the mother whispers in horror..

He doesn’t care.. doesn’t stop.

Flesh falls, fingernails turn purple.

The mother almost trips as she grabs her little girl.

He’ll stop for now…

Author's Note

tell me what you think about it.. i know i should add more lol

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

The images are enough to scare the hell out of a person. I love the fact that you have not gone into a lot of detail about this monster. Some people will say that it is a flaw of this work, but you have actually given more by doing this. Everyone who reads this poem will have their own version of the monster. By tapping into our personal fears inside, you have found a way to scare the hell out of people by striking the fuse and allowing the reader to do the rest by themselves.

There's a beginning, apex and resolution. I feel the story is complete and by adding too much if you flesh it out..will take away from the value.

I haven't seen that movie yet, but I like this poem because it tells a story. and the imagery is very vivid haha.
the one thing that creeped me out from what I saw in the previews is when her head sort of like cranked around haha.

[DamienHino]

ahhhh scary demon creature takeover nice good job, oh nice you edited it. even more scarier i like it!

[Dingo the Archwizard of..]

It's definitely interesting, and it has potential. But like you said, you should add more; expand on it. There are also a lot of minor grammatical errors. I think you should be able to fix them if you run it through a word processor pretty quickly. The errors sort of detract from it a little, but it's good.