Whatever

I don't understand my mother
I told her I was going to write poetry
She said, ''get a life",
one minute she's happy
the next she's drunk on beer
If I could find my dad
I know he'd be here
to help me to understand my mom

Reviews

[theking]

First off, I would like to commend you for writing about something so personal on the Cafe. Despite the fact that this website is, for all intents and purposes, anonymous, I feel like it takes real courage to display some of your real problems to the world. That is the most important part of poetry, taking your real life experiences and turning them into beautiful works of art.

Now, I am going to review the actual poetry aspect of it. Despite the fact that it looks like a poem from the outside, after actual reading I have my doubts on it belonging in that particular category. It lacks a lot of the elements that make poetry what it is, such as figurative language, imagery, a rhyme scheme, a consistent meter and pace, and a lot of the fundamental necessary for the poem to be really good. I feel as though if you split this up into one or two sentences and put them in an autobiography, it could pass of as a normal part of the book.

Now, this isn't a particularly negative thing. First off, if you feel like writing poetry, I would try to develop a rhyming scheme or a specific syllable count to help you get on that track right off the bat. That's what I did when I first started poetry. It is much more difficult to write poetry without rhyming and make it sound good, and if you are to do that then the vocabulary and syntax must be off the charts, which I feel isn't the case here.

Remember, poetry can be one of the most rewarding things to do. It is therapeutic, at least for me, and it can help build your language ability so that in normal conversation you seem like an English speaking legend. I don't want you to stop, because I feel like if you have the guts to put something out on the Cafe so personal, you have the guts to continue improving. You have immense potential, and the potential really starts with your ability to take real life and transform it into words.

Keep up the good work, and if you found my review helpful please give me a rate!

[lolawants]

i dont really understand all this but thanks :)

[Dean Kuch®]

I think you just needed to get this out of your head and off of your chest. Writing is an excellent outlet with which to do just that. Don't let those thoughts that threaten to poison you with hatred and rage remain bottled up inside. Write them down and get them out into the light for everyone to see. They aren't as scary that way.

[Rita L. Sev]

We write for ourselves, not for others. This is a short and meaningful piece - keep writing!

[lolawants]

thank you, ur really nice, she said i have no talent :(

[Rita L. Sev]

That is heartbreaking to hear - please do not let her opinion keep you from the craft. It is often hard for people who cannot do something to recognize that someone else can.

[Angi]

Listen to Rita! She is one smart cookie!

[Rita L. Sev]

:) Years of experience - See, Lola - you have lots of supporters!

[lolawants]

aw you guys are so nice thanks!! :) :)

[Angi]

Oh Lola! Write just for you, my dear. I think this says so, so much in just a few lines.

[lolawants]

thanks everyone is so nice here :)

[Angi]

I am pretty new, too. I have been welcomed with loving arms. Great place to be for sure!!

[lolawants]

thanks again, ur nice to, can you tell me when i make mistakes i do have spell checker but not sure if the rest is ok :)

[Angi]

Honey, I can see if you misspelled a word, I can maybe tell you when a comma needs to be moved...but your words are your words...no mistakes there. The only time I can see is if you are trying to make a work flow into a specific (maybe rigid form.) I am not your girl to help with that. I kinda do my own thing.

[Sami Khalil]

A very good poem...Well penned...:)

[lolawants]

really? thanks :)

[Sami Khalil]

My pleasure...:)

[Alyssa C.]

I love it, I can relate especially. I also have a "broken home".

[lolawants]

sorry, do you cry a lot to? :(

[Alyssa C.]

yes I do :'(

[lolawants]

aw now ur gonna make me cry to :'( sorry

[Alyssa C.]

no no it's fine, I'm very emotional too.

[lolawants]

idk why they cant just be nice to each other :(

[Alyssa C.]

I know, it really sucks :(

[Chris]

It seems broken homes are the norm anymore...

You don't need to rhyme... put in pretty "nothing" words, or follow anyone else's form or appearance. Express your thoughts YOUR way.

[lolawants]

not sure what that means really but thanks :)

[Chris]

It means - write YOUR way - they are after all YOUR thoughts.

[lolawants]

i got that part, what are nothing words? :)

[Chris]

"Nothing" words are words that many people use that take up space but that don't add to a poem's content or meaning.

[Jack...]

We will always have detractors, whether it is a family member, a friend or even a stranger on this site. Let me just say to you, when it comes to something creative and you feel it inside, don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't. Even if you have to hide away to write, then hide away to write. I like this and it does have a heart beat. Free-verse poetry is something a lot of people do not understand...go with what you feel. Very nice.

[lolawants]

thank you, her friends think that to :)

[Holly Mason]

understand yourself....and poetry is a good start
"hey Holly I am going to write poetry!"
"Hey lolawants-GO FOR IT!"
what Lola wants...Lola can achieve
this is an honest writing and reads very nicely
thank you for sharing

[lolawants]

wow i wish you were my mom, thx! :) she only tells me what lola wants she can't always get :(