a rant about cancer...

something scribbled from the mattress..

Every cough

You’re afraid to look

Will there be blood on my lip

The endless rattle of death

Echoes from your lungs

You try to cough it out

But it stays

At night you panic

Because on your back

Breathing is impossible

You think every breath

May be your last

It causes you to tear up

Your bedroom becomes lonely

And wish for those days

When mother was there

To hold your hand in sickness

You fall asleep from exhaustion

But you awake suddenly

Because you forgot how to breathe

The chemo courses through your veins

There is no amount of morphine

To keep the pain at bay

Radiation has taken

Those long curly locks

The ladies used to love

Running their fingers through

You are weak

And sometimes,

Getting out of bed is harder

Than lifting a truck above your head

You feel sorry for yourself

Because you may never see your kids marry

You may never share another Christmas

With family

But you were the stupid one

Who put that first cigarette to your lips

You were the stupid one

Who kept at it after emphysema

Claimed your grandfather

After it engulfed your mother

You still smoked

And now

You’re not so tough looking

And you begin to bargain

With god

Who you know won’t hear a single word

Because you shunned him

Before all this sickness

So you sit in your own s**t

And wait for death to claim you

Unfortunately….

Death doesn’t want you either

And someone’s prayer out there

Was heard

Because eventually you feel stronger

You can breathe a little deeper

Exhale without a rattle

And blood only comes from your nose

On dry days….

Author's Note

this was something from my days dealing with lung cancer

Reviews

[Quinn Blackburn]

potent visceral piece, Bradley... gritty with emotion, sweaty and tumultuous. I'm grateful we got to keep you awhile longer. Very few people today allow themselves the freedom to be as inspiring as you consistently are in everything you write and share.

[0_o Abbie]

wow. This is really amazing. I love this so much. It just makes so much sense. I love this. Really well written. Amazing.

[Janice Ann]

My mother and brother had lung cancer! My mother now lives with one lung and endless pain in her back but she is a fighter and probably is capable of doing more than me! She is my life! And I know how this disease affected her and me! It was devastating. My brother's cancer spread throughout his entire body! He passed away and was in agonizing pain all the last days of his life, I prayed God would take him! This piece was raw and real and not nearly enough at the same time. Cancer eats and eats at once beautiful flesh! I am glad you were a fighter! as well!

[Rikkevi Rue]

there's no reprieve,
yet God may cleve,
the feral thoughts,
that so bereave,
for whom forsook,
creations weave,
defeated sought,
surceases leave,

but ever ought,
in lessons taught,
new morrows rise,
new blessings aught,
lift sorrows eyes,
rejoice in skies,
forever blue,
transcending lies,
embracing wise,
embracing wise.


strength to you brother!
Rikk

[Bandgeek]

i thought it was really good

[Carrie Manor]

That must have been terrible, I could feel it straight from reading your writing, there is a certain difference; reading something that someone writes based on a true experience then one that was only thought up. I wish you the best of health! Wonderful poem! (:

[Michael Morris]

this got me teary eyed man, this was some deep stuff, on the smoking front thought, why we need weed medically legal across the board it really does help those in true need

[Sanjeeta Sharma Pokhar..]

Hmm...It was really suffocating...at first.. I moved into the character..But the last lines..made me free to breath...Where medicine fails...Prayer works...Phenomenal Poem

[David W Moore III]

I think you only touched the surface on this but still it is raw and grating. Making us uncomfortable to see into this vignette. Well done.

[KAREN]

I have never had cancer thank God, but I had family memebers that has! Your poem touched my heart and soul and I'm so glad you pulled through!

[emmajoy]

This is you in everything you are.