Lost Kingdom (Marc Marlon Villaflor DJNOMAD)

 

 

In the beginning of time the kingdom of light is the source of peace in the western part of the hemisphere, until such time a vast creature of the dark forest lurking in the pitch black domain, planning to take over the kingdom of light.

 

The Kingdom of Light is a prosperous kingdom in the western hemisphere. All people in the kingdom are happy with Queen Amia and King Arvize discoveries in science. Together they build the kingdom with enough supply of foods, water and energy.

 

"Our kingdom will always stay stable as long as we are here to protect our people my love."

The king continue while checking the rounded platform that hold precious crystals.

"The kingdom of light will shine forever" King Arvize uttered.

 

Amia the Queen holding the black diamond mounted the precious crystal into the rounded platform and examine the precious gem.

"Yes my King, we will do our best to insure that our kingdom will shine for our people.

We will protect them, together we can achieve stability for foods, security and defense development.“ Said the queen.

 

The King hugs her wife and gently kisses her. The moon serves as a lone witness for the undying love of the king to the queen. The tower of light is where the King and Queen stayed at night is the tallest structure in the kingdom bastion. Overlooking the entire kingdom. The Tower of light served as the sun of the kingdom at night.

 

Chapter 1 Retribution of Gradra

 

It is a beautiful morning in the village of Sariah the village near the river bank.

 

A young woman name  Gradra arrived at the river with her  little sister. They wanted to catch fish. Her little sister Rayah is excited on her first day of fishing.  Gradra started to unrolled her fishing net and teach her little sister Rayah the tecniques in cathing the fish.  It's  almost half in an hour until Rayah shouted Gradra.  

"Gradra! I catch the fish," said Rayah her small sister. "Oh wonderful Rayah try to hold it" said Gradra."Yeah I catch it from my net “she smiled back to her older sister. Gradra pick up the big river fish however, the fish tries to escape back to the water. But gradra was quick enough, she used her sharp bamboo stick to pierce the fish.

 

"Father will be happy to know you catch fish for our dinner tonight" said Gradra smiling to her little sister. "Yes I am happy too Gradra, can we do it again tomorrow?" Rayah replied as she rolled the fishing net. “Sure Rayah we will be here tomorrow." Gradra said "We will catch more fish tomorrow." She hugs and kissed her sister. Gradra affirm her sister that the next morning will be a great fishing day for both of them.

"Let's go!" Gradra ask her sister Rayah. She and her sister hold the basket full of vegetable and fruits and together they climb on the hills heading to their home.

 

Gradra father is Ragush he is a decent man. He work as a builder of a long waterway, a new invention from the kingdom of light to supply water into the farmland.

The farmers enable to tap the water source from the river to use as a support watering structure during the summer time.

Her mother Sayar is a great herbalist; she had a variety of medicinal plants that she used to create medicine for the villager.

 

Gradra open the wooden door, her father is chopping potatoes on the wooden table to cook for dinner.

"Oh what we have tonight? “ Said Ragush, "a big fish?" said Gradra's mother.

"It is a big catch from Rayah," Gradra said smiling to her little sister.

"Is that so? So sweet my little girl" cried her mother.

They hug Rayah, Gradra felt so blessed having a parent like her mother and father.

She is very happy seeing her parent appreciate the wonderful effort of her little sister Rayah.

 

"Mother I brought you some fruits from the forest." said Gradra.

“Oh dear it is so sweet, but next time try to avoid this place, haven't you heard a lot of little girls lost in that place? I warned you, not to go back there" cried her mother while washing the fish. "Yes mother I promised." "That is good" replied by her mother. Gradra and Rayah help their parents preparing the foods and together the family enjoys the dinner.

 

The hours past as the solitude of Sariah embrace silently the dark beautiful night sky and the new dawn arise. Birds started to sing in the misty morning. The sunrise gives the golden splendor in the western sky.

In the house of Gradra, her mother started to nurse her garden by watering and trimming her plants. Her father preparing breakfast with boiled eggs, hot tea, milk, honey, cheese, fruits and fresh bread he made.

Gradra awaken by the sound of the bird flapping right beside in her window and when she open the window, the young belle astound for what she found, a beautiful white bird with blue eyes and golden beak. "Oh what a beautiful bird" she uttered then Gradra stand up and give some dried seeds to the bird and the bird rush to Gradra's wooden window.

Gradra arrange her bed and she heard her father singing. She left her room and walk into the kitchen, “Father, I will help you.”Gradra said.But his father wanted her to prepare herself and call her sister. “Just take a bath honey and wake up your sister, the breakfast is ready.” command by his father while taking out the pot of boiled tea from the top of the heated charcoal.“Yes father “said Gradra and she walk toward Rayah’s room. Her little sister still sleeping and she sat down near beside her.

“Rayah, wake up! We have to go now”Gradra smile, looking at her sisters face. “Hmmm, Hello Gradra” said Rayah while her older sister extended her hand reaching the lock of the wooden window and open it. "Here comes the sunlight" said Gradra she push the window and the entire room of Rayah's lighted by the morning sun. She tie the curtain made from the finest fiber of pineapple which her mother used to weave. “Hurry up we will take a bath then we eat our breakfast and go to the river, so that we can start our fishing earlier,”Gradra said, while folding Rayah's silk blanket. “Ok, just stand up now and go to the bathroom” Gradra holding her sister lazy arms and pulling her off from the bed, while her sister smiling, seems enjoying what Gradra's doing. "Hmmm, ok" I got it, hahahahha Rayah's laughing. then she get her cotton bathrobe and proceed to the washing room.

The family richly shared the morning breakfast, Gradra and her sister Rayah enjoying the foods his father prepared. "Father when you will visit uncle Zaruh?" said Gradra then sipping her hot milk "is He coming to my 18th Birthday?"

"I and your mother will visit your uncle the next harvest, it is near after this lunar month, and we will bring fruits and grains for the King and Queen." "We will also give presents to our princess Aliah, those fibers weave by your mother and also some essential oil." Gradra's father said. "Oh dear, I wish the princess will like it." uttered her mother." Is uncle Zaruh will come to my birthday too?" said Rayah "Yes he will, but your 13th birthday still far, two more lunar months to come." said Sayar their mother. Gradra look at her sister, she smile and arrange Rayah's tangle black hair. "Gradra try to come early when you finish collecting vegetable and done your fishing with Rayah, I need your help filtering our essential oil. We need to prepare it, we only have a week before the lunar month will end." said her mother.“Yes mother" Gradra said. Gradra is little confuse about her coming birthday, she is excited, somehow little lost what she will do on that day.

While walking with her sister heading to the river, her thought is on the coming days, the 7th day of the next lunar month will be her 18th birthday, she has no idea how she will celebrate it. Her mother told her that's the time she will dress up with flowers and vibrant colored dress and will drink the water from the spring as a symbol of her unification with the lunar God Vhulahn. She will be dancing with her friends. She is thinking about Damsuh, her young handsome childhood friend living right next in the foot of the hills.

Damsuh aided Gradra in fishing; she taught her how to catch and cooked the fish in a bammbo steam. He is a brave young warrior always go hunting deers and wild pigs and even shares his catch to Gradra. He teach Gradra how to use the swords and bows, but Gradra polished all of these fighting skills more from her uncle Zaruh which is the head of the elite warriors in the Kingdom of Light. Her uncle Zaruh trained Gradra & Rayah to be tough from the young age. He wanted them to be brave and be a fighter. Since, they don’t have a brother to protect them in time of trouble. So Gradra and Rayah have no choice but to follow their uncle Zaruh. Though beautiful and tame both of these two sisters are lethal

All of the interaction between Damsuh and Gradra create the foundation of love, which each of them secretly love each other. "Gradra! over here!" Damsuh called Gradra. The river water level was high and on the top of rocky side of the river Damsuh grabbing his fishing net, he catches already some fish.

"Glad you are here" said Damsuh. "Yeah, Rayah wanted to cath another fish" smiling to her sister and also to the young man. Rayah started to pull out her fishing net, the same with Gradra.

"Your birthday is near" I want to hunt a deer as present to your birthday." Damsuh is confident to give his promised gift. "Really? " a timid smile from Gradra, she was blushing and her heart beat fast, she excited but too shy to show it to Damsuh. "Yes! You are special to my heart you know that!" Damsuh replied smiling to Gradra while weaving those fish he catches using the wild vines from the river bank.

 

Rayah is giggling for what she heard and seen and smiling to her sister. "What?" hahahah Gradra laughing at her little sister, "nothing" Raya's replied but laughing at the back of her head. The two sisters laughing each other loudly.

Damsuh look at Gradra face, it is like, he don't want to missed any of that smile and laugh, Gradra is very special to his heart and he will do everything just to make this girl happy.

Damsuh cooked some fresh fish in the bamboo steam and shared it to Gradra and Rayah. While the three enjoying their foods, there is a stranger behind the back of the big stone located in the upper part of the river. She is a beautiful woman, tall, wearing a silver satin dress, surrounded by some crystal and gem stones in her nick.  She is glistening, her eyes color is blue, and a golden long hair. She has a very distinct red lips and prominent nose and she looks like a princess and above her a flying eagle circling the domain.

The woman come out from hiding and walks through the place where Gradra, Damsuh and Rayah set a temporary haven.

"Peace be with you" Said the woman, Gradra was surprise for the lady, same with Rayah and Damsuh.

"Peace be with you" Said Damsuh and Gradra.

"My name is Aryanah I want to warn you to leave this place and find shelter on the eastern side of the hills, there is a secret cave right beside the falls. The Red warriors of Volca's kingdom is near, they are sailing in the pacific five days ago and will reach this island in twenty four hours, they will attack every village in the island. These Red Warriors are monsters and inhuman, you have to act now to save your family for this chaos." Uttered Aryanah. The eagle still circling the space continuously. "How could you be too sure that this will happen?" said Damsuh. "Two islands in the north already destroyed by these monster warriors seven days ago. They burned villages houses and most of the victims turned into ashes, killed a lot of the villager, children, adult and old, even the animals. These monsters spare no one and they are strong, mighty and ready to strike chaos," Aryanah said.

Rayah is shaking and hold her sister arms, Gradra felt that her sister is frightened; she hugs her while Damsuh continue talking to Aryanah. "I have to go; you must leave this place before mid-night to escape the chaos of these monsters," Aryanah said. I will be waiting for you at the secret cave. "Before I forgot this, please take this stone Gradra," she handed over the tortoise color gem stone to Gradra. "Just put some water on that stone, the stone will guide you in your journey," Aryanah said. Gradra though confuse, she get the stone. "How did you know my name?" asked Gradra."It is a long story Gradra, someday you will find the truth" replied by Aryanah.

The eagle slope over Aryanah's sholder. "I have no time, I need to travel to the other village to warn other people" and suddenly Aryanah lift in the air, she defy the gravity of the earth like the accompanied eagle. "I will see you then! goodbye Gradra!" She fly extraordinary fast with the eagle and faded into the sky.

Gradra and Rayah amazed for what they have seen. They can't imagine that the legend of Wings Kingdom is true. "Gradra I am afraid" said Rayah, "Don't worry,  I am here, I will never leave you." assuring her sister that she will protect her against unexpected chaos.

"Damsuh you have to run to inform your parents and the people, and then we will all meet at the entrance of the village," said Gradra. We will rush to my father’s farm and proceed to our home." "You take care Gradra!" said Damsuh. "I will be waiting for you at the village entrance," and he hugs Gradra and Rayah. Damsuh run fast and reach the village leader and inform him about the threat, all villager was alarm by the sound of the warning horn. Together the village people gather once and for all to know what's happening.

"Father! Gradra cries we have to leave the village, the woman from the Wings kingdom warn us to leave the village and take shelter into the secret cave at the other side of the hills." Gradra startled while telling her father the story of Aryanah.

"This can't be happening we are in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and still the Volca's red warriors are planning to invade us." Hurriedly Ragush take his two daughters into the wooden chariot and whisper the horse to run. The horse started to run and the family anxiously gone.

 

Reviews

[Pax]

I have to say kabayan ~ great job on the descriptive narration ~ you know i really can't do that(hirap kasi - because i always write introspectively) ~ so in narrating a story i salute you for that ~ the settings is really well written ~ your english is quite better than mine, really! ~nabasa ko yung version 2 ~ the thing is ~ ang liit ng litra, di na maganda yung mata ko para diyan ~ at yung naming ng mga character was really interesting, like they are the people of the old times ~ the genra is between sci-fi and high fantasy ~ very nice and interesting start ~

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Pax lol actually need ko edit to uli kasi dami nag complain sa wrong grammar lol hayan mo sa weekend update ko ang edited :) thanks sa pagbasa.

[Pax]

ganun naman talaga dito ~ di naman kasi grammar wise ~ starting pa tayo so well learned it in the end ~ slowly but surely ~

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Oo nga eh :) pero minsan napuna ko rin sa kanila parang wrong grammar din sila kaso nahiya na rin ako mag comment.

[Pax]

ganun naman talaga kabayan, ako nga di ko nga makita yung sa akin pero nakikita ko yung sa iba ~ in a sense lang konti na hiya rin ako ~

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol oo nga :) anyway gusto ko nga re-write to. thanks sa reads.

[Addi]

It was really good. I'm interested to see what happens next. I do have one request- could you make the font a bit bigger? There's probably something wrong with my eyes but I had a hard time making out the words.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Addi I will change the font as you wish. Thanks a lot for your review it helps me to make my writing better :)

[Addi]

Sure any time :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Hi guys, I really appreciate all reviews (feedback), it helps me a lot to improve my writing skills. Thanks a lot guys.

[byPatKeegan]

When i review a story, i avoid all of the information in the front. I don't want to know about the background, the characters etc. Not because it's not interesting, but because i want the story to unfold and let me figure it out on my own. However, before i skipped to chapter one, i did read the first paragraph, and as Nick.B says it does seem interesting.

The story is very choppy. Everything is run together that it was difficult to tell who was saying what at times. Sometimes there's quotes, sometimes not. Consider at least structuring the paragraphs in a way that makes it easier on the reader, like so:

Gradra opened the wooden door, her father was chopping potatoes on the wooden table to prepare for dinner.
"Oh what have we tonight?" Said Ragush,
"A big fish?" said Gradra's mother.
"It is a big catch from Rayah," Gradra said, smiling to her little sister.

Anyway, you get the idea.

It sounds like a good start, but whenever you "publish" something for others to read, i always feel that it should be in better form, not so much in raw form, as it appears here.

Keep writing!!

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks a lot :) for the feedback

[Nick.B]

Seems interesting enough, curious to see the rest of it...great job

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Nick.B I am happy to see your good review :) I will update it soon.

[Nick.B]

Okay :D