The Crossover | Chapter ~ III Spirit of the Moth

 

The commotions outside alarm us, I open the window to check what happen outside. A large number of people chanting for the government's fall. It is an intense afternoon looking those people throwing stones to the Police Force that block the street.

The people still keep moving forward, the Police Force throw tear gas simultaneously in different direction which creates a horrible picture as the young children can’t stand the poisons air. The people run and chase their breaths. Some people are wounded and injured. The Police Force brutally hurt the protesters in order to gain control in this situations. I can no longer bear the turmoil; I close the window and hurriedly hold my brother’s hand heading to our parent’s room.

“Mama, baba! Chaos strike outside, people get hurt and children are dying.” I told my mother and my father.

“Mariam, just put your things in the bag. We will leave this place tomorrow, we heard that they will do the shelling and bombing soon in this place. We can’t afford to stay here, we are not safe here anymore,” said my Father.

“Ahmed, just help your sister and we need to finish all things before the dawn tomorrow.” My mother instructs my brother Ahmed.

The night comes with explosions. I can feel our house is shaking. I can hear the howling of the dogs, screaming of people and crying of children.

My father rush into our room, “Mariam!” he hugs me, and wake up my brother Ahmed. “Hurry up! We will go to the basement.”

We hurriedly reach the basement while explosions keep going. We tremble at the stairs heading to the basement. My grandmother was crying. She hurriedly grabs us while praying, and holds us tight.

My father and my mother are anxious for the continuous explosions. It echoes the sound of destruction even we are in the basement.

The thunderous sound of the explosions stirs me, until I completely close my eyes and sleep.

“Mariam, hey wake up,” my mother touch my face and she also wake Ahmed.  It is already 5:00 AM when I look at my watch.

“Mama, should we go now?”

“Yes, your father is outside preparing our luggage with your grandmother.”

“Mama, I want to shower.” Ahmed asks.

“We don’t have water. Maybe the bombing destroy the pipeline. Same with the telephone, we don’t have a signal. I can’t call your sister Haifa,”my mother is sad informing us.

“Alright ma, we can still contact Haifa if we use internet,”I try to comfort my mother while assuring her that still we can reach my sister.

We are waiting for the truck outside of our house, I can see the white smokes spreading everywhere including the second floor of our house, too many people lying on the street, some are dead while their blood strewn on the ground. Horrific pictures with innocent soul dying.

“Mariam!” I look at my back seeing my friend Remia. She cries and she hugs me.

“Mariam, Khalid is dead,” said Remia. I can’t breathe, my tears fall when I hear our best friend Khalid is already dead.

“Their house was destroyed by the bombing last night and he was not lucky to escape.” Remia tears roll in her face.

I can’t accept the truth, we were happy yesterday but now, I lost him.

"Oh God, bless his soul." I mutter

It really hurts me, I can't believe it. I wish I can see him, but he is far from here, and the truck is coming.

"Oh Khalid, I am sorry. I love you. May God bless you," I whisper.

“What about you aren’t you leaving?” I ask my friend Remia while I am startlingly wiping my tears.

“No, we don’t have money, my father said. "We can’t go anywhere." "We prepare to stay in our basement until this war is over.” Remia’s eyes are full of tears as she informs me. The truck arrives and my parent is wating for me, I hug and kiss her as I will go now, I might not see her again.

“Goodbye Mariam,” I wave goodbye to my best friend Remia, I am sad looking at her. It hurts. Saying goodbye to my bestfriend, thinking of Khalid, thinking of my home, such beautiful place were we dreams, but now I will leave this place, the place I loved most.

 

----------------------------------------------------

The food tray drops as the young woman looks at the TV News Program which gives live feeds on what happens inside Syria.

“God, please, protect my family,” she muttered.

“Oh my God! Haifa that is your city, it was destroyed last night,” said by the girl next to Haifa as she pick up the tray.

“I am sorry Kelly, yes it is my city’” She helps Kelly in clearing the mess, she tremble, Kelly holds her and let her sit.

“Are you OK? Haifa?” Kelly asks her friend giving her a glass of water.

“I am afraid Kelly, my parent's phone are all off, can’t find a way to contact them,” she informs Kelly that she tried reaching all possibility of contacting relatives and friends, but it seems the communication lines is cut off.

“Oh Haifa, this is strange, it might be the bombing destroyed the communication facilities in your country.”

Haifa gasp deeply in hearing Kelley’s words, there is a possibility that communication is destroyed because of the bombing.

“Kelly, could you book me a flight going to Turkey next week? I would try the other ways to connect with my family. Our relatives in Turkey might have other options in getting inside Syria.” She requested Kelly for this ticket because she believes Kelly will help her in this matter, Kelly’s parent own a big travel agency in Washington.

“Sure honey, I will do it today.” Kelly affirms Haifa that she will get the faster and best travel plan as soon as possible.

“Thanks Kelly, I have a meeting with Craig tomorrow at the library to finalize our project presentation, I will wait you there.”

“Sure Haifa, just give me your preferred flights and hotels.I will give it to you for free. I really wanted to help you,” Kelly’s assures Haifa that things will be okay and Haifa hugs her friend.

Author's Note

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad scene. War leave confusion and innocent people in the way of war. I like the way you described the situation. The story is telling a true story. When rich countries attack the great cities. The poor are left with nothing. No weakness in the excellent chapter.
Coyote

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir :)

[gombeggar]

the 2nd part has lotsa more interesting lines...go with it...add 2 it

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir. :)

[Mike Emil]

violence, huh?
yeah, big part of life

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Mike.

[Pax]

government's fall
people gets hurt
and then he wake my brother Ahmed
until I completely close my eyes and fell sleep.

I was asleep on the couch with my brother Ahmed. ~ confusing statement, ginising kana diba, i just find it odd ~ inter-change mo kaya Like:

I fast asleep on the couch with my brother Ahmed when my mother wake us up.“Mariam & Ahmed, wake up.” my mother touch my face and also wake up my brother Ahmed. As i look at my watch it is already 5:00 AM in the morning.

Maybe the bombing destroyed the pipelines.
I can’t even call your sister Haifa.
my mother is sad while informing us this no bad news.
I can see the white smokes spread everywhere including the second floor of our house
too much people ~ seems odd to me try this ~ too many people lying on the ...
She cries and hugs me.
I ask my friend Remia while i start wiping my tears.
"We are prepared to stay in our basement until this war is over.”

The truck arrives and my parents are wating for me,
I will wait for you there

atlast tapos na ~ :D ~ i may not an expert in grammar, but I' am hoping this will help you ~ I like the turn of event so far and the drama is at its heights ~

[Pax]

tapos na ~ if you don't find it useful you can just disregard it :) ~ i enjoyed the story just like the way i see in the news...

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

heheh :) Thanks Pax love it!

[Pax]

ikaw talaga akala ko di helpful to, plano ko naman erase nlng tong review... segi i will be more on the story next time :) your welcome:)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Stop ko na muna napagod ako :)

[SHEEMA HUQ]

Such a sad and impressively story told with great skill, I really appreciate your perceptive descriptions and your ability to impart this information in such an informed way, excellent work, my friend.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks my friend :) appreciate your kind words.

[Ravyne Hawke]

Another exciting chapter with better descriptions of the scene. It is difficult for me to follow who the narrator is. Who is telling the story? You need to check your grammar, verb tenses and separate conversation from the narrative.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Lori, I will proof read it again. thanks for the honest review.

[Ravyne Hawke]

You are an excellent writer Marc.. it is my pleasure to be of assistance. If you need specifics let me know.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Lori I realy appreciate it :)

[gabrielle]

This is very intense, "heart-palpitating" and gripping chapter, Marc. Again, reading it was like watching an action movie. Save on some grammar issues, i find this chapter elaborately penned. However, i made the following observations:

1. I find the use of word "wondering" weak given the circumstance they are in. the commotion will not let them wonder rather it would alarm, startle or cause them to panic.
2. second paragraph: did the protesters bring their children during the protest? mmmm
3. stronger phrase for "the children are dying" would be "Children are being killed"
4. these sentences: "I can feel our house is shaking, I can hear the howling of the dogs, people scream and crying of children." To me the incorporation of the word "feel" and "hear" again weakens then sentence. If i were you, i would make it this way- "Our house shook. The dogs' howls, people's scream and grief and children's cry echo through the night" but of course, this do not sound like a 13 year old narrating. lol.
6. Whenever you change the scene (basta pag na-iba na yung lugar ng kwento mo.lol), it would be helpful if you put ----- before starting or any kind of indication or mark so that the readers would know na ibang scene ito. i had to read it twice kasi nawala ako nung inin-troduce mo yung isang scene sa ibang lugar.
7. i find the phrase "sure, girl xxx" on the last paragraph inappropriate. Take note that Haifa is in a very unfortunate and serious situation... the use of such phrase is too casual and would seem to indicate that her friend is not taking the matter seriously. pag ako yun, sasabihin ko..wag mo nga akong ginegurl jan! lol.
This is too long already. lol.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

lol :) thanks Gab, now I change it :) love your honest review.

[Ency Bearis]

Now I see the changes, as you edited it.... it's clear now amigo - muy bien.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks again Sir :)

[Ency Bearis]

Exciting story,well told scenario. But let me ask you, the character Khaled and Kahlid, are they one person only ? I read that Khalid is dead, and there's another Khaled there - " Oh Khaled, I am sorry, I love you, God will bless you " I whisper.
So who's Khaled is this ? And, who's Khalid is that ? Let me think also my logical thoughts. In Arab world they don't mention God. They always mention Allah. But anyhow God and Allah is the same. I just wondering since your characters are Islam names. Otherwise, the story is good ( quaise sadik, mapsoot ).

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Thanks Sir Ency, actually same person typo lang :) I used God to give general faith perspective, because I want to emphasise the family struggle not their religion. Thanks a lot for the reads.

[Ency Bearis]

Oh okay, that's a good logic. You're welcome.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

:)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Haha! Excited ako. Walang laman? Lol. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Mamaya ko upload, lam mo may isang nag babasa doon di daw matawag ang chapter ang isang page lang :) tapos off daw mga tenses ko. yung sa white smoke.

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Ows? A Chapter can be long or short. It depends on the writer's style or what the story needs. If maganda naman pagkakasabi niya, okay sana. Nagsuggest ba? Saan ko mababasa ang comment?

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

haha! akala ko White smoke ang name niya. G....pala. Yun palang chapter sinasabi mo.

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

oo heheh :)

[Pax]

hahaha ~ naalala ko to ~ ito pala yung first invisible chapter na naging visible na :D

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

heheh :) oo work out ko pa ang next.

[Pax]

oh nasan na yung lola natin ~ nawala ata ~

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Heheh baka nag cafe heheh sandali lang Pax lunch muna me.

[Pax]

ok tapos na ~ hehehe ~ segi!

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Hoy, ang lola nyo ay may nagawang poem. Meron na akong topic- about sa best friend ko na nawawalang tupa ngayon. Hehe.

[Pax]

lol ~ i mean ako tapos na ang lunch break ~ kaya pala nawala si lola ~ segi basahin nakin yan mamaya ~

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Lugi naman ako if chickahan lang nangyari this day. At least kahit 4-lines my nagawa ako. Hehe. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Gumagawa ako habang nakipag daldalan heehhe

[Pax]

ahh ~ multi task ~ buti pa kayo ~ :( ako basa lang ng basa

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

heheh :)

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Multi-tasking din gawa ko now. Reading-writing-eating. Hehe. Taba-taba na ng lola nyo. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Heheh :) sa pinas pa dami msasarap na pagkain di tulad dito puro nalang manok kung di baka. Isda di naman fresh. Shawarma, kabsa, :)

[Pax]

lol ~ nakaka sawa nga marc, buti pa dyan si lola puro masasarap yung pagkain niya :D

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Oo nga eh tayo namamayat heheh :)B

[Daisie Vergara (Dhaye)]

Haha. Hindi puwede sa lola ang manok at baka, baka magka-rayuma. Haha. :)

[Marc Marlon Villaflor]

Lol :)