Unnamed/Jude

Musings I had after a conversation with my sister last month. It got me thinking about what my family has lost

I have recently had a heavy heart for you,

my inert nephews.

I am sorry that I was never given the chance

to meet you.

I wish you had been given the chance to live

past the first trimester.

Sweet babies, please do not be angry with your

mothers.

They did nothing wrong. These things just happen

sometimes.

I do not know why you were not meant to live. I guess

God needed you.

To you, the first baby. You are the unnamed, the genderless.

My nephew.

I call you nephew because of the amount of boys your father

has produced.

I think you would have been a boy. I wish I knew what your name

would have been.

You would have been given a family name, just as your living brothers

and sister were.

You should have been my brother’s third child. It is so strange

to think that

you would be four years old this year. I remember when I found out

you had left us.

I was so shocked that I didn’t know how to react. It was around 

the holidays.

Jude. You were given a name. You would also have been the third 

child. My sister’s.

You barely made it into the second trimester. Trisomy 18 took you

from this world.

I remember your grandpa’s horror when your grandma told us your

mommy was contracting.

It was so early for you to already be coming. You were gone from this

world shortly after.

I did cry for you. You were not a baby my sister expected, but you would

have been her third son.

You would have been three this year. You were due the same day 

as your cousin.

He survived full term. You didn’t.

I give thanks for your brothers and sister, Unnamed. I give thanks for

your brothers, Jude.

I love your siblings with all of my heart. They are alive and I am blessed

to watch them grow.

Occasionally, my mind wanders to you. I wonder what you both would

have looked like.

What kind of kids would you have been?

I want you both to know that your auntie loves you. Miscarriages don’t

just affect the parents.

Author's Note

I hope this doesn't offend anyone. It's something I wanted to share because it is something that has been on my heart recently. Can anyone relate? Care to share?