Next To Another Man's Girlfriend At The Bus Stop

 

Graffitied bus station on the outskirts

In the wrong part of town again

Cold hands, mine, squeeze yours, warm

As we wait for the 14 to arrive

Breath mists in the night

Illuminated by candescent orange glow

A quick glance and a quicker smile

Before we turn away in the night

Pretending not to know each other

Still holding hands

Not wanting to let go

 

Strangers in the shelter

Huddled close as lovers

Try to look away

As we share a sly kiss

In the lamp-lit dark

Reviews

[Jason]

This was very cool. The title really changes the story if you read it first (like it did lol) congrats!

[Lizzy]

i like the title it changes it all...
...i like this poem it's almost the reverse of most of your poems by that i mean you're being decitful in a way instead of being decieved =P

i like it
=D
Breath mists in the night
Illuminated by candescent orange glow
A quick glance and a quicker smile
Before we turn away in the night
Pretending not to know each other
Still holding hands
Not wanting to let go .....thats my favourite

keep it up or else!!
ha ha
~Lizzie
xox

[Conversing Empty Words]

This was VERY different from your original pieces. I will say the title set the tone for the entire poem, though. Without the title being what it was, I would assumed a romantic piece. Not that it's still not, but it's romance in deceit.

[Dice Rosenthal]

I like the way the title makes all the difference. And the way the bold words at the begining of each stanza brings the reader in to the rest of the lines. The ending is perfect, resignation.
Great job = )