I Fear Love

A Poem by Monica

How I'm feeling right now, right at this second.

I'm scared.
Terrified of what I could do to myself,
What I am doing to myself.
Why must I constantly set myself up for heartbreak,
Constantly yearning for another who fits me?

Is he with another girl?
Maybe he's just busy..
But he's never this busy.
Not two days in a row.
Does he still love me?

I bite my finger nails,
Envy blurring my vision,
Worry shaking my core.
I must be over reacting.
Right?

I mean,
It's not like every guy I've fallen for has done this.
Not every guy has left me for someone better,
Gone on to better things.
Tossed me aside.

Is this true?
Am I so.. disposable?
So incredibly worthless that I can just be forgotten?
I am trash.
Meaningless trash.

My eyes glaze over.
Why am I crying?
I should be used to this by now.
Lonliness seems to have married fear,
Both thriving off of my misery.

Girl meets boy,
Girl is mislead,
And before girl falls,
Boy leaves girl.
And girl is left with nothing but the broken pieces she started with.

I fear love,
More than I fear the dark or monsters in my closet.
Night lights don't heal broken hearts.
And you can't scare the love out of your closet.
Heart ache lingers.

I am not brave.

© 2009 Monica

Author's Note

I don't really know why my poem is breaking in the right spots.. it's really making me angry haha. But if you must know, it's broken every five lines.