The Perfect Pair of Jeans

Everyone has that perfect pair of jeans. 

Some like them tight,

Fitting every curve just right.

They go with every shirt, every pair of shoes. 

Some like them baggy and loose.

They never fade, 

Never lose their shape,

No matter how many times you wash them… 

They make you feel confident in the way you look. 

Like you’re in a really cheesy commercial ad.

But, the one thing they can’t do is magically go up in size. 

You got them when you were a size four…

Now you’re a size five.

Now you have to pull and tug just to get them on.

Now the zipper will only go up when you suck your stomach in. 

They no longer look flattering.

Instead they look flabby. 

And let’s just be honest… 

Every time you sit down,

 Your a*s crack comes out. 

And every time you bend, 

You’re afraid they will rip.

Then you’ll have no choice but to retire them.

But you don’t want to admit it.

Well, today I realized that’s how I feel about our relationship...

It doesn’t make me feel confident. 

It doesn’t accentuate my assets.

I have to keep pulling it up.

I keep fearing that it will rip.

It doesn’t go with every outfit.

It’s making all of my cracks show.

I definitely don’t feel like my apple bottom is part of any commercial. 

I feel like I got it when I was a size five…

But, now I’m a size six.

We used to be my perfect pair,

So, I was thinking it would magically shapeshift, 

Fit me at every curve and width.

I think I might have to go ahead and retire the sad old thing. 

And it took me a while of wearing the wrong size jeans, 

Trying to make them fit perfectly

But now I see…

I’ve got to get rid of every:

Boyfriend 

Friend 

Relationship

Occupation

Situation 

Anything…

That does not fit who I’ve grown to be.