Numb (an excerpt)

Numb (an excerpt)

A Story by MCrouch

This is just a very small chunk of something new I'm working on. It is a prequel to my story "Burnt". :)


His gaze cut through me like sharp glass. Those huge blue eyes of his were a dead giveaway. I was so scared. I looked down at my shaking, sweaty hands and took a deep breath. This was the guy, I thought, my last glimmer of hope to remain sane and alive for a just a little while longer.

            I approached him, sitting next to his blonde friend at the opposite side of the crowded room. He looked around distastefully at the people surrounding him. I could tell he hated everyone here. That was good, because so did I. We already had something in common. This would be easier than I anticipated.

            “Um… hi? Rob?” I said meekly. He looked up at me, his face softening a bit.

            “That’s my name,” he said.

            “Yeah, um, I’m Anthony. Well… Tony. Um, d-do you think you could… I was looking for, um,”

            “You need me to hook you up?” he asked.

            “Yes,” I breathed out, relaxing a bit.

            “Follow me,” he got up and I walked behind him, outside into the cold. He led me around to the back of the house where a few people were smoking and laughing. There was a couple making out, cloaked by the darkness of the shadows. Seeing them made me feel like I was about to fall apart, limb-by-limb, and just die right there on the pavement with everyone watching. It reminded me why I was here in the first place.

            “How can I help you, Tony?” he asked, lighting a cigarette and stuffing his hands in his jeans pockets.

            “I need… something to… to numb me.” I said slowly, biting my lip.

            “Ah, alright. I know your type. So, pills,” he said, looking around. I shrugged.

            “I guess, yeah,” I nodded, thinking it over, “Pills,” 

© 2011 MCrouch

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Great stuff, like everything else in your portfolio. Who doesn't want to be numb? It's a serious question, because emotions and all that jazz are tough sometimes. What you got here is relatable, pretty damn relatable, but I might just be a little bias cus I've been in a similar scene on more than one occasion. Once again, continue being awesome as F@#k.

Posted 12 Years Ago

That's a great beginning. I like your use of dialogue too.

Look forward to reading more of the story when it's written!

Posted 12 Years Ago

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I'm sure I'm going to love it. When I read that this was a prequel to your other story Burnt, I instantly knew that it would be about Anthony, and I really think it's a great idea, and I love the fact that you wrote the other story first and now decided to write this one, considering that we know what happens to Anthony in the end. :)
I can't wait for the next chapters, please let me know when you put them up.
Cheers and have a good day.

Posted 12 Years Ago

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3 Reviews
Added on September 5, 2011
Last Updated on September 6, 2011




Hey there. My name is Madison. I love writing realistic fiction, mostly LGBT related. If you have any questions about my writing or anything, message me. c: more..

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