He Came For Me

He came for me, as cold as the night,

He came so quickly, gave my family a fright.

He came in the form of 4 wheels and a metal frame,

taking little miss Daisy from where she came.

He came for me, wanted to take me away

to a place where every day is a bright sunny day.

He came for me, now I was still in the road

where evil people can taunt and goad.

He came for me, even though i'm only 11,

but he left my little brother, aged just 7.

He came for me, earlier than I wanted him to,

I didn't do all the things that I wanted to do

before he came, took me to his palace above

away from all the people which I loved.

God took me, to his palace of the dead,

where I could relax and rest my head.

Author's Note

Please review. Constructive criticism is also welcome.

Reviews

[Angelic Surrender]

This is very interesting and deep. I like it

[Sleeping Maiden]

Awww, this is really good. Deep and powerful message. I like the flow of this piece. Great emotions wrapped in here.
Great job!

[closed..acct]

This is really wonderful,
I really liked this piece alot,
I found some depth as well as truth in this.
Amazing!

[AK]

Very nice poem! Here are somethings I noticed-
1. The rhyming scheme is forced
2. Just asking, if someone came for you, wouldn't they come deftly and slowly instead of 'quickly and giving your family a fright'?
3. I'm sorry, the poem just doesn't flow. It seems so broken,the stanzas don't seem to connect. Please look into it.
Have a good day!
Akanksha Suresh

[Elizabeth]

Such an interesting story, Tons of emotions. Your work is breathtaking..