The whole story

I screamed the lyrics to my favorite song loud and clear. Nobody dared to quiet me, not even the very people who had wrote the song. They stared at me in amusement, annoyance, and happiness. I unplugged my earbuds and stared at them. I was lucky, so lucky. Even after all this time. They will always be my idols even if I am dating one of them. They are my everything. Especially their bass player. I stared at him waiting for a reaction.

He started to walk over to me, but fell over when the bus hit a big bump. Everyone laughed. He stood up and dusted off the imaginary dirt. His brown eyes twinkled and his wild hair had become even wilder. He saw what I was staring at and tried flattening his long, dirty blonde, spiky hair. He sat next to me on the fake leather seat and put his arm around my neck ready to give me a noogie, but instead he kissed my forehead.

“If you keep singing like that we’ll have to fire Brice here and make you lead singer.” Erin smiled at me and turned to Brice. Brice sat across from us smiling, he was the lead singer.

“Really? So, do I get too rename the band then?” Erin stared at me in mock horror.

“What’s wrong with the name Darkrise?” He asked. I kissed his cheek and looked out the window. I watched the vast cornfields pass by for a minute.

“I’m just joking.” I laughed and turned to him. He stared at me for a moment.

“Good, or I’d have to kill you.” Erin said making me laugh.

“I’ll help!” Zeke came running into the living room part of the bus from the back. We stared at him. His short blonde mohawk was a little flat. He put on a big smile before deciding to sit down, on Ben, who was sleeping. We all watched silently. Ben just opened his eyes and looked around. Zeke then jumped on him causing a grunt to escape his human seat. Ben then shook his head, glared at Zeke, and shoved him off hard. Zeke landed on the floor next to the cupboards. We all laughed except Ben.

“Get up, Zeke.” Brice walked over to him and lightly kicked his side. He jumped up and stuck his tongue out at Ben.

“You do that again and I will hurt you.” He threatened Zeke. He sat up and yawned. Brice went to the cupboards and took out a box of Cheez-its.

“Dude, we ate like an hour ago.” Zeke told Brice grabbing the box and opening it. Brice tried taking it back, but before he could Zeke took a handful and shoved it in his mouth. Half the box spilt on the floor. Brice picked one up and threw it at him. In return Zeke grabbed another and threw it at his face.

“Zeke!” I yelled at him. It distracted him and Brice took the box away also taking a handful. Zeke pushed him playfully and sat down, this time next to Ben. Brice went to the back. Ben glared at Zeke and turned away. Erin and I just sat here watching this all happen.

“Well, maybe we should stop for a bit.” Erin suggested. He stood up and walked toward the front of the bus to talk to Earl the bus driver. I watched him quickly step over the mess disappear behind the curtain. Everyone seemed to be calmer now. I wondered how long it would last.

“Where’s my cup?” Ben stood up and walked around the bus hallway. His long light colored dreads swinging around as he turned his head. I heard a chuckle come from the back of the bus. Ben gave up quickly, not wanting to cause trouble, and sat back down with a tired sigh. Everything seemed to be calming down at last.

“Hey guys, do we want to stop at Walmart?” Erin pushed the curtain aside and stared at us. I heard Brice yell from the back and Erin nodded.

“We need more Cheeze-its.” Zeke said sounding serious at first before breaking out laughing. I laughed to for a second. My boyfriend Erin tried to step over the spilt crackers with no luck. They just broke into even smaller pieces making an even bigger mess. He frowned as he walked over the mess. I gave him my hand as he sat next to me. He held it tight almost too tight.

“We need more beer.” Ben said. He stood by the small fridge his hand pushing around the contents aside.

“Maybe you should check beer cooler.” Zeke told him holding a beer in his hands. They glared at each other. Then Zeke popped the top and handed it to Ben. He sat down and took a sip from it, happy. Zeke sighed, walked over the mess and disappeared behind the curtain to talk with the bus driver. I looked at Erin, he was staring out the window behind Ben. My hand gently squeezed his. He looked at me and smiled. I felt the bus go over a big bump and looked out the window. A giant Wal-Mart sign stood before us.

“Hey, we made it.” Zeke pushed the curtain back and gestured to the door.  They all rushed out except me. I didn’t feel like getting out. My mind seemed foggy.  Anyway the mess was still there and even worse from them walking over it on the way out. I sighed deeply and went to the closet to get our broom. Someone said my name and I turned around. Erin stood in the open doorway with the curtain pushed back.

“Babe, come on. We can pick it up later.” He stared at me. I looked at the already open closet and sighed again. My back facing him.

“I need to pick up this mess.” I didn’t turn to look at him, but I felt the bus move and the sound of more crackers breaking as he walked over to me. His arms went around my waist. He pulled me into him and I felt his breath on my neck. A chill ran up my spine, I closed my eyes. Footsteps sounded behind us, but we didn’t move.

“Erin, Millie, where are....” Zeke’s loud voice was heard from behind us. The bus shifted as he got on. “You... nevermind.” I heard him leave. Erin laughed and the bus shifted again as Zeke hopped off. We still stood there caught in our own fantasy. His lips gently pressed themselves on my neck sending warmth through my body. Then he turned me around so I faced him. Eyes sparkling with love and compassion, he kissed me. I felt his lip peircing as our lips collided, it sent sparks into my brain. His lips caressed my cheek. I started to fall over, but I locked my hands behind his head for support. Lips met again. Twisting our head side to side. He kissed passionately and softly, we backed up against the wall. My hands ran through his hair the best they could. His hands held my waist to him. This moment seemed to last forever. Well, it lasted a little too long. I felt the bus shift, but Erin mustn't have. His lips were still locked with mine, and it was fine with me. Just not with the rest of the band. Zeke’s voice was the one I heard first.

“I walked on the bus and... look they’re still at it.”

“Oh god!” I heard Ben yell. Erin quickly turned around cursing under his breath. I stepped out from behind him. Brice, Ben, and Zeke stood there staring at us. The guys all had on different emotions. Brice had a kind of shock and disgust mix, Ben was just plain horrified, and Zeke was smiling, happy to ruin our moment. Nobody spoke, awkward silence took over.

“You didn’t even pick up the mess.” Out of all of us Zeke was the one to break the silence. Shocking I know. He walked over the mess shaking his head. We stared at Zeke as he went behind us, opened up the door, and got out the broom. The broom then was shoved into my arms.

“What the hell!” I yelled at him. A huge smile spread across his face. My mouth open ready to protest again.

“You need to clean this up.” He gestured to the mess.

“Why can’t you do it? You made this mess.”

“But you are the girl, and girls pick up the mess.” He said matter of factly.

“F**k you.” I shoved the broom back at him. Zeke stepped back and let it fall to the floor. Erin pushed me aside and glared at Zeke.

“Was that necessary?” He asked him angrily. Zeke stared back at him. I bit my lip.

“I’m not cleaning it up.” He told him. Erin took a step toward Zeke.

“Pick it up.”

He then shoved Zeke back.

“Dude!” Zeke yelled.

“Don’t talk to my girl like that!” Erin yelled. My boyfriend stood inches from Zekes face. I felt my face grow red from either anger or embarrassment.

“I’m not picking it up, that’s final.” Zeke snapped at him. I looked at Ben and Brice pleading for them to do something.

“Guy, guys, I’ll pick it up. I helped make the mess anyway.” Brice stepped forward. We all shuffled out of the way to let Brice through. Erin still glared at Zeke. Brice grabbed the broom. Zeke walked to the back of the bus and sat down on a couch. The one helpful band member started to sweep up the smashed crackers. Erin put his arm around me and sat down. He still seemed angry, Zeke can do that to people. His maturity level was pretty low. Ben, who had all of the shopping bags, went to work putting them into the cupboards. I started to get up and help him, but Erin hadn’t let go of my hand. His mind was somewhere else at the moment.

“Erin, honey don’t let Zeke get to you like that. You know that’s how it is. Let go and be useful.” At the end I sounded a bit angry, but I got him to let go. I walked over to Ben and opened a bag. He leaned over to me and whispered in my ear.

“If this continues we’ll have to get separate buses.” He chuckled at his own comment. I giggled a bit and grabbed a box of Ritz crackers out of the bag along with a case of beer, a bag of cheese sticks, and another case of beer. About ten minutes had passed and Brice had finished cleaning. Ben and I were leaning on the counter sharing some crackers.

“Zeke, come out here.” Brice yelled in no particular direction. Zeke came stomping in obviously not in a good mood. I quickly sat next to Erin and grasped his hand. I knew if I didn’t there would be a entirely different mess. They didn’t look at each other. Zeke had his arms crossed and Erin had both hands holding mine. Time seemed to slowly pass by. My patience was at an all time low.

“Zeke, apologize now.” Brice demanded. Zeke rolled his eyes and turned away.

“I’m not apologizing.” He grumbled. I looked at Erin waiting for a reaction. No one moved or spoke. Ben coughed, stretched his arms in the air, and walked past all of us like no big deal.

“I’m going to bed.” He said. I stared at him and then Brice. Still, no one did anything. I watched Ben hop into his bed and pull the pillow over his face. I snapped, pulled my hand out of Erins, stood up, and glared at the both of them.

“Zeke, get your a*s over here!” I yelled. He stared at me his eyes wide. “What are you waiting for? GET OVER HERE!” He slowly crept over to me. I grabbed his arm and shoved him toward the couch.

“Gosh, don’t get your tits in a twist.” He sat down next to Erin whose eyes were also wide.

“Apologise.” I commanded them.

“No.” Zeke protested. I glared at him putting all of my anger and hatred into my gaze.

“Say you’re sorry.” I said through gritted teeth, trying not to hit him in the head.

“Fine.” He mumbled.

“What? I can’t hear you.”

“I’m sorry.” He said a little louder. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Erin smile a bit.

“For what?” I pressed. He stared at me. I waved my hand telling him to go on. He knew what was doing.

“For being a complete a*****e and a jerk.” Zeke answered looking down at his feet. I let a smile show.

“And Erin, do you accept?” I turned to my loving boyfriend.  He nodded and said.

“I accept your apology.” Erin smiled.

“Now you may kiss the sorry a*****e or your girlfriend. Whichever.” I shrugged and stared at them. Erin got up, grabbed my waist, and pulled me into him.

“Thank you for the lovely ceremony.” He kissed my cheek.

“Get a room.” Brice walked past us and opened up a cupboard. Erin let go of me and looked around.

“Guys, it’s almost ten. Let’s go to sleep.” Zeke yawned and headed toward the bunks. All of a sudden I felt very tired.

“Ahead of ya, Zeke.” Brice was holding a bottle of Nyquil. He took that most nights, but not after a show. Concerts tired us all out. I turned to Erin.

“I better get my bed ready.” I sighed getting my blankets out of the closet. They were simple, warm enough, since I slept on the couch. I set them up quickly and sat on them waiting for the others to get settled in. We were on tour and Erin had to do a massive amount of begging to let them take me along. One condition is that we do our business in our own room and I sleep on the couch when on the bus. Brice crawled up into his bed and pulled the covers over his head. The city lights that flashed outside the window caught my attention. They looked like shooting stars flying by. I sighed.

“Babe, you okay?” Erin sat down next to me. I snapped out of my trance to stare to him

“Yeah, just thinking.” I whispered. He stared at me and I turned away to look out the window. His hand grabbed my chin and turned my head toward him. In his gaze was worry.

“I know you’re upset. Talk to me.” Erin let go and took hold of my hand. I glanced down the hallway to see if anyone was still awake or listening. My head went through all of the things I could say.

“It’s nothing.” I chose. I hated to trouble him. He frowned a little.

“Please, tell me. Are you depressed again?” Erin said, his voice held a hint of desperation and pain. He knew everything about me.

“Honey, it’s really nothing. I’m just... tired. Go to bed.” I turned away and smoothed down a bit of my covers. He let go of my hand and stood up. I looked up at him and forced a smile. He leaned down to kiss my forehead.

“Love you.” He whispered. I just nodded and pulled back my covers. He walked to the beds, crawled into his, and blew me a kiss. My hands grasped the sheets and I slipped under them. I stared at the ceiling trying to sleep. Was it really that obvious? I thought to myself. I thought I was a pro at hiding my feelings. No one ever could guess I was depressed. I let out a sigh and flipped off the light. Sleep consumed my mind and dropped it into a nightmare.

“Erin?” I called out to him. He didn’t answer. I was lost, wandering around the darkness. Fear ran through my body as I ran to find a way out. A door appeared before me. I let out a sigh of relief and opened it. The door led to a room filled with mops, buckets, and old speakers. It was a closet. I opened another door and stepped through, I was backstage. The crowd sounded wild. Brice was speaking, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying. People were walking around, covered with wires and headphones, adjusting panels and twisting dials. It seemed like a normal backstage of any concert. The crowd grew louder and started to chant something. I strained to hear. They were chanting encore. I walked around the area scanning for the curtain I go through to see them playing. A song started and saw the curtain. I pushed it aside, walked through, and was blinded by lights.

“Erin?” I called once again. My hand blocked out the light. He was there playing his piano with the rest of the band playing along with him. I smiled at him and waved. Erin looked straight at me, but he didn’t smile or wave back. My head shook trying to make sense of what had happened.  

“He’s just busy and I shouldn’t distract him.” I told myself. The song had ended and I was just about to run out to hug him, but someone was already there. She hugged him, kissed him, right in front of me. He lifted her up to spin her around and kiss her again.

“Well, that’s all for tonight.” Brice’s voice bounced around in my head painfully. I took a step back and stared at the two cuddling on stage. She seemed beautiful, better looking than I was, taller too. A small part of my brain knew what was happening. My legs carried me away from the stage. I turned and ran, eyes closed, not caring where I went. Until I ran into someone. I stopped and looked at who I had bumped into.

“Oh, hi.” Ben stood before me. Relief washed through me. I needed to ask him about what I saw.

“Ben, I’m so glad to see you. Um... who was that on stage with Erin?” Ben just stared at me confused. Then he smiled and nodded in understanding.

“Your group is over there. The band will be out in a few minutes. We’ll answer all your questions.” He pointed to a group of people standing around, passes tied around their necks.

“Ben, my boyfriend Erin. What was he doing out there?” I demanded. He started laughing and walked past me. My jaw dropped.

“Hey, Erin your girlfriend is waiting.” Ben pulled back the curtain and yelled. I walked over to the group holding back my tears. Erin came out arm around the girl. A smile lit up his face. He turned to her and they kissed passionately. My fists clenched at my sides.

“My girlfriend is right here, Ben.” He held her in his arms. I bit my lip until I tasted blood.

“Tell that to her.” Ben pointed at me. Erin looked at me like he was searching for something.

“Who is this?” He asked. The girl looked at him lovingly.

“I don’t …. wait.” Ben walked over to me and stared into my eyes. “It’s her.” He said finally.

“Her? You mean?” They stared at each other speaking with their eyes.

“What are you doing here?” Ben almost yelled at me. I flinched inside. The room seemed to spin.

“Erin, what’s going on?” I pleaded. His jaw dropped.

“I told you to stay away. I don’t love you anymore. I’m famous and you’re just a stupid, small, peasant. Go away. I don’t love you and I never will.” He yelled at me. Hatred filled his voice. I choked back a sob.

“But.. I love you.” I whispered. Tears stung my eyes and flowed down my cheeks like a river and I was drowning.

“I hate you. Get out of my sight.” He turned away. My arm reached out to him, to pull him back. All of a sudden everyone disappeared and I was swallowed by darkness. Sobs threw my body onto the floor, where I cried, screamed, thrashed around in pain.

“Millie!” Erin's voice screamed in my ears. I covered my ears and screamed. The ground started to shake violently. I thrashed and thrashed as hands grabbed my arms and shook me. My stinging eyes shot open and looked around. The tears still ran down my face.

“Erin, I love you.” I whispered before sobs took over my body again.

“Babe, honey, calm down. I love you too.” Erin spoke to me.

“But... you and...” I started to cry again. My body curled into a ball and I covered my face. Arms went around me.

“Shh, everything’s fine.” His voice ran through my head calming me a bit. The tears still didn’t stop.

“You don’t want me.” I told him muffled by my hands. He pulled me closer to him.

“I love you. I do want you. It was all just a bad dream.” Erin stroked my arm. I opened up my eyes to look at him. His hair was everywhere and he looked like a mess. I just then realized what had happened.

“Not again.” My head spun as I sat up. Erin stared at me.

“You told me everything was okay.” He held my arms with both hands. I wiped off my tears and stared into his eyes.

“Ugh!” My hands covered my face again. He grabbed them and put them onto my lap.

“Everything’s going to be okay.” Erin tucked my loose dark brown hair behind my ear. I looked away.

“I’m sorry. I thought I had this under control.” My mind was never under control. He knew what had happened to me. Every night that I had my night terrors he was there. Erin understood that I couldn’t control it. The look in his eyes when I wake up from one always scared me. They were filled with love. No one I’ve ever met could spend more than two nights with me if I had night terrors. They push people away. No one really understands what it’s like to have this happen. Those who do almost scare me because it’s so rare.

“It’s seven in the morning. Do you want to sleep some more?” He asked. I shook my head.

“I can’t.” My legs were stiff and it was painful to sit up. Erin grasped my hand and helped me. Everyone was sitting in the couches up front. All of them looked as messy as Erin did when he woke me. I walked past them to the coffee machine. Zeke looked up at me, dark circles surrounded his eyes. Erin was behind me, I turned to him. They were glaring at each other. I saw Brice and Ben sleeping sitting up on the couch. Ben’s head resting on Brice’s shoulder.  My mind was spinning. I grabbed the edge of the counter.

“I’ll make it for you.” Erin went in front of me and grabbed a cup from the cupboard.

“I’m sorry.” I said to Zeke, but he didn’t even hear me. While I was watching Erin he must have slipped back into his bed. I sighed and sat down on an empty couch. The machine beeped and Erin held a steaming hot cup of coco before me. I grabbed it and took a sip.

“Don’t put yourself down. It’s not your fault.” Not even my boyfriend could push out my guilt. I stared at my cup thinking how long will it take till my nightmare came true.

“I... I just wish this would stop. The dreams.” A shiver ran through my spine. I stared at the floor trying not to look in his eyes.

“I love you. It’s just something that happens.” He kissed my cheek. I didn’t look at him as I took another sip. The hot drink wouldn’t even warm me.

“You know that sooner or later this is going to get worse.” I whispered holding back tears. Erin kneeled down next to me so he could look me in the eyes. My head turned away.

“Just forget about it. If anyone says it’s a problem, they are wrong. I love everything about you, everything.” He said. I turned to him and looked him straight in the eye.

“Everything?” That was something I never thought anyone could agree to.

“Everything.” He was serious. I set down my cup and flung my arms around him.

“Why do you have to make me feel better?” I asked crying, again.

“You are what makes me feel better. Whenever I see you smile, I know I’m doing something right.” He held me closer. I pushed away and looked at him. Erin was smiling, and if their wasn’t some guy code against it, he would be crying too. We stood there and stared at each other.

“Hey guys, we’re nearing the next stop. Wake up.” Earl called from the front. I felt bad, I had already had done that. Erin kissed my cheek as he passed to wake up the others. I crossed my arms thinking. My thoughts were scrambled. What should I do? I was just standing there.

“Get up guys.” Erin shouted from the back. Grunts of protest followed. I turned and saw Brice and Ben stretching their arms in the air.

“Is it time?” Ben asked yawning. I walked to the back so I wouldn’t get in the way. My sheets were all over the floor. How did I miss this? I started to pick up the sheets. They were just piled up in a big lump and thrown in the closet. Too lazy to fold them. By the time I finished picking up the band had gathered up front. The tv was on and on the news. Erin turned to me and patted the empty spot next to him, but Brice walked over and sat there. I saw him shrug, so I went and leaned against the counter and watched the tv. The morning sun shone through the window. It made watching the tv hard and it hurt my eyes. The screen flashed and they starting talking about a plane crash in Wisconsin. I ran over to Zeke and stole the remote.

“Hey!” He yelled at me.

“I need to hear this.” I snapped at him turning up the volume. The reporter stood in front of the wreck that was still smoking and surrounded by firefighters.

“So far only five people have made it out alive but injured.” She said motioning around the crash. The screen flashed and they showed the survivors. I froze. My heart stopped and my hands turned clammy. Time seemed to stop.

“No.” I whispered. This couldn’t be true. Zeke noticed something was wrong. He put his hand on my shoulder, but I didn’t look  at him. I stumbled backwards.

“Erin, I think your girlfriend is having a seizure or something.” He turned to Erin. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Erin jump up, drop his phone, and rush over to me.

“What is it? Honey, sit down tell me! What happened?” He stood in front of me searching my face.

“What’s happening?!” Brice stood up and went around Erin. Zeke stood up too and moved toward the back. Erin sat me down.

“Babe, tell me.” He was desperate to know. Brice sat next to me, Ben and Zeke crowded around me.

“He’s there.” I whispered staring at the screen.

“Who?” Zeke asked. I kept staring at the tv they were still talking about the crash. The commentators were discussing it.

“The horrible crash has devastated many families. And somewhere in there is a love story also. A young man who survived the crash told us how he was coming back home for his fiance and had planned to surprise her.” One of the commentators told the cameras. They switched to an interview of the man. He seemed unharmed other than a broken leg. Erin put his hand on my shoulder.

“You know him don’t you?” He asked. I knew that he knew. He had seen him before back when I was just a fan.

“I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t make it out. She means everything to me. I... I love her. By now she probably knows I’m coming to see her.” He chuckled.

“So, who is this lucky girl?” A reporter asked. The young man smiled. His kind features and bright smile could charm any girl.

“Millie, her name is Millie Hoffman.” He answered. Everyone around me gasped. Brice stared at me in confusion. Erin stared at the floor making it hard to see his reaction.

“Wow.” Ben whistled. All I felt was shame.

“What just happened?” Zeke asked.

“Just leave it. Someone back home will break the news to him.” I told him and brushed it off. Erin still didn’t look at me.

“Well, that was weird. So, we have a concert tonight and set up starts the moment we get there. Let’s get moving.” Brice broke the silence and got us busy. I tried to clean up the kitchen type area while everyone else ran around making sure they had everything. Zeke was brushing his teeth, Brice was fiddling around with the set list, Ben was sorting out his beers, and Erin was putting on his hat and straightening out his clothes. We didn’t put on makeup or outfits until the stage was set up and we were ready. I felt the bus slow down and go over the bump. Out the window was a giant dome and a huge parking lot. We had made it there alive, or half at least. The guys were walking around, stretching, preparing, and I stood there looking out the window.

“Hey, aren’t you getting ready?” Ben walked up to me dreads now up in a ponytail.

“I think I might sit this one out.” I answered. He frowned and put his arm around my shoulders.

“Come on. Don’t be sad. You are coming tonight whether you like it or not.” He took his arm off my shoulders and stared at me.

“Fine, I guess I need it.” I smiled. Ben nodded his head, walked to the back, gave a high five to Zeke, and started to talk to him. I love these guys. Brice passed me and sat on the couch. Erin was in the back talking with Zeke and Ben.

“So, he’s still searching for you?” Brice asked. I turned to him and frowned.

“I guess. I’d hate to be the one who tells him.” The man on the tv was my ex, Chance. My ex fiance Chance that is. We had gone to a Darkrise concerts together many times. Meet and greets the whole package. He did anything to make me happy. I thought I loved him. When I won the Spend a Week with Darkrise contest everything changed. My dreams had come true. By then the band knew me pretty well from all the times I met them. Erin and I hit it off right away. At the end of the week we were in love. I went home, Chance told me he was moving to Seattle, I told him I’d stay home, and wait for him. Before I knew it there was a tour bus parked in my driveway. That was a year ago. It seemed like it happened just this morning.

“Well, if it helps any, I’m glad you ditched him to join us.” Brice stood up and patted my back.

“I’m glad too.” I told him. He smiled and went to join the guys in back. I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes. The bus stopped.

“We’re here!” Zeke ran up the bus yelling. I sighed and opened my eyes. One by one the band passed by me and out the bus. Erin stopped by the curtain and turned to look at me.

“Come on.” He held out his hand. I stood up and grabbed it, smiling. We walked out hand in hand. A few security guards stood by the back doors of the arena. As we passed through the door they closed it and followed us. The hallway was pretty dull, just like every other backstage. He led me through the mess of backstage techs and crates of our stuff. We walked through a door and saw how huge this place was. Half of the floor space was covered in crates, lights, and people trying to set stuff up. The guards had left us a while ago. I saw Zeke going through his crate of guitars, Bear, his tech, stood next to him.

“Where’s Zilla?” I asked Erin. Zilla was his tech.

“Probably with my guitars.” He answered. We kept walking around the space trying not to get in the way. Erin and I walked to the back of the arena where the people come in.

“This is a big place.” I commented.

“Twenty-thousand seats.” Erin looked at me and raised his eyebrows.

“That’s like, a lot.” I said. He laughed. My heart fluttered. We stood there holding hands watching the techs set up an island in the middle.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Erin turned to me and grabbed my other hand. “, We are staying here another day. So, we get our own hotel room.” I blushed and smiled.

“Good, isn’t that in the contract for me to stay?” I asked on purpose.

“It did say we do our business in our own room, and I have a lot of paperwork to fill out.” He tried to look serious. I laughed and pulled him closer to me.

“I’m pretty smart, maybe I can help you.” That put a smile on his face. He smirked and pulled me into him.

“We’ll have plenty of time figure it out ourselves.” Erin locked his arms around my waist. Someone whistled and we ignored them.

“Maybe we should start doing the math.” I told him. Our foreheads were touching. I stared into his deep, brown, loving eyes. The butterflies danced in my stomach. Finally some time alone, just us. Then, I felt someone staring at me. Erin sighed.

“Hey guys get a room!” Zeke yelled at us. He stood right next to us.

“We already did.” I grumbled. He pushed us apart and stepped in between us.

“Erin, Zilla wants you and Millie, you’re needed in back.” Zeke spoke with authority. I rolled my eyes. Erin frowned.

“Fine.” He said and walked away. I glared at Zeke hatefully. He seemed pleased with himself. I crossed my arms and stormed away. The stage was almost ready. Brice stood on the stage setting up his mike and adjusting his ear bud in one ear. The island where the techs set up had guys walking around switching, clicking, and turning everything they could.

“Check, check.” Brices voice broadcasted around the arena. I turned in a circle taking in the massive space and imagining it filled to the brim with screaming fans. Lights flashed on and off as the techs set them up. I never was the one to go in front of thousands of people and speak or do anything. Every night after a show I’d ask Erin how the hell he did it. I was once pressured by Zeke and Erin to walk out there and introduce them. They said I was amazing and better at speaking to crowds than any of them. I kept walking toward the back thinking about all the concerts I watched from the back, wanting to run out there and kiss Erin in front of the whole arena. He was my hero on stage.

“Hey, over here.” Zeke stood on the steps leading to the stage waving his arms. I pointed to myself and he nodded.

“What?” I asked as I neared him.

“Come up here.” He said motioning to the stage. I walked up the steps and out onto the stage. Zeke motioned for me to come to him. When I reached him he snapped his fingers. A tech ran up and handed me a small box. My eyes became wide. Zeke was smiling, I stared at him thinking, what the hell. For a second I was almost scared. He snapped his fingers again and the same tech ran up and handed Zeke a package. I stared at it and then Zeke. He handed it to me.

“What is this?” I asked him. He took the small box from me and set it on top of the package.

“Get dressed and I’ll tell you.” Zeke shooed me away and I walked away confused. What is in the box? I walked to the back into the hallway and found a dressing room. The room was pretty empty except a couch, chair, and small tv. I turned and locked the door. Now to open the package. I took and pencil I found, punched a hole in the tape, and ripped open the box.

“Oh my!” I gasped. In the package was a dark purple dress. I lifted it out of the wrappings and hung it up in closet so I could look at it. The dress was long and elegant, it had a strip of spikes spiraling around it, the collar was low cut, but not too low, the sleeves were lace, and I loved it. I almost squealed with excitement to try it on. My heart pounded when I started to think what this was for. Will I have to perform in front of everyone today? I thought about it, scared. This dress looked quite expensive and very stylish. I pushed it to the back of my mind and got undressed. My clothes lay on the floor as I stared at the purple dress. I took it off the coat hanger and slipped it over my head. A perfect fit. How could anyone know my measurements? There was no mirror surprisingly in the dressing room, but I knew it looked great. I looked back to the small box found makeup and a pair of spiked heels. My makeup skills weren’t anything to brag about since they sucked, but I did good. The shoes fit too. I took a deep breath and walked out of the dressing room. People I passed stared at me, I smiled shyly back at them.

“Your needed up on stage.” A tech walked up to me and opened the door to the stage. I walked through holding up my dress to climb up the stairs. The guys were still setting up and the Darkrise curtain was in front of the stage. I didn’t see Erin anywhere. Zeke turned around and stared at me a huge smile lit up his face.

“I knew it fit.” He said. Brice turned to Zeke.

“What?” He asked. Zeke pointed in my direction. Brice turned to look.

“Wow.” He shook his head and blinked.

“What the hell?” Ben walked in next to me his eyes wide. He walked over to Zeke and asked him something, Zeke nodded.

“You like it?” He asked me. I nodded.

“It’s beautiful. What is it for?”

“You are going to have the greatest night of your lives.” Zeke answered jumping to show the how exciting it was going to be. Erin then walked up onto stage from the other side. He looked over at us and crouched down to tie his shoe. He stopped, looked over to us again, and stood up. My heart pounded. Erin just stood there staring at me from across the stage. He stepped forward, stopped, and then walked over to us. His eyes were wide and his jaw had dropped.

“You are…. beautiful.” He stuttered obviously shocked.

“Do you like it?” I asked. Erin nodded his head and walked to me so we stood face to face.

“It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Next to you.” He whispered. His hand caressed my cheek. We both took a step toward each other. He leaned down and kissed me.

“Come on, guys. We have a show and the people are coming in in ten minutes.” Brice told us. We broke apart and headed over to his bass guitars. I watched him leave. Zeke came to me and handed me a card.

“Follow the instructions on the card.” He told me.

“Thank you.”

“Amber made me. She wanted you to have an amazing anniversary.” Zeke turned and walked away. Amber was his girlfriend who was currently using up her anniversary gift. I walked down the stairs, out the door, and into the plain hallway.

“S**t.” I said to myself leaning against the wall. I had forgotten about it somehow. I’m an amazing girlfriend. Screams and hollers sounded from behind the door. The crowd was arriving. I read the card, Go outside. I started down the hallway. My heels clicked on the cement floor. I made it to the end and opened the door to the outside. The sun was setting. My jaw dropped. In front of me was a limo. The sleek black car sat there. A man in tux and a hat climbed out on walked over to me.

“Ms.Hoffman, your chariot awaits.” He linked his arm in mine and escorted me to the limo.

“This is for me?” I asked barely able to talk. The man nodded and opened the door. I climbed in and gasped. It was amazing. The car had leather seats, a mini fridge, and a flat screen tv. He shut the door behind me and got in in the front. The car started with ease and drove out of the parking lot. I looked out the window and saw the parking lot was filled with cars and people. They pointed and waved as we passed. They probably thought it was Darkrise. My eyes shut. I was trying to calm down and not cry. This was the best moment of my life. The trip went by quick. By the time we stopped I was practically jumping around the limo.

“We have arrived.” The man opened the door and motioned to the giant hotel that stood before me.

“Amber must have threatened your life.” I whispered to myself. The man linked his arm in mine again and led me into the lobby. I’ve never been in a five star hotel before, but I’m pretty sure this was. A grand staircase led to the second floor. He pulled me over to the stairs. A few guests pointed at me, some smiled. I guessed that I looked pretty stunning. My heart was pounding.  I had to hold up my dress to walk up the stairs. Step by step, I walked up like a lady. Usually I’d sprint up the stairs and fall on my face at the top, but this was a special occasion.

“You are one lucky lady.” The man said to me.

“I didn’t even know about it. Don’t tell anyone, but I actually forgot it was my anniversary.” I told him. He smiled. We reached the top and he led me down a hallway.

“Room 403, the anniversary suite.” He said inserting the card into the slot and opening it. I smiled and shook my head.

“Wow, 403.” I said to myself as I walked in. It was definitely five star. A small chandler hung over a medium sized dinner table. The kitchen was small, but everything seemed shiny and new.

“Have a nice night.” The man closed the door. I was shocked that Zeke did this for me, for Erin. I ran my hand along the wall. My heels were hurting me and I bent down to take them off. The floor had a trail of rose petals leading to a door. I slid my shoes off and stared at the trail.

“No way.” My heart pounded even faster. I stepped over the petals and went to the door. The handle felt cold. As I turned the handle my brain started to guess what was inside. It was mostly right. A large bed covered in rose petals, a love seat, one bathroom with a big shower and no door. I gasped shocked by how beautiful it seemed. The designers really knew what they were doing. It was almost my fantasy room. I stood there staring in the room. My heart raced. I jumped almost three feet in the air when my phone went off. It scared me. My ringtone was Erin's favorite song.

“Hello.” I answered not knowing who I was talking to.

“Millie?” The other voice asked. A male voice.

“Yes, this is Millie.”

“Is it true?” He asked. I was confused.

“What are you talking about? Who are you?”

“You don’t even recognize my voice.” He sounded like he was in pain.

“Who is this?” I asked again.

“It’s Chance, Millie. Chance.” He yelled into the phone. I almost dropped it.

“What... what do you want?” I knew what he wanted, but I couldn’t say it.

“You said you’d wait for me. You said you loved me!” Chance yelled into the phone. My eyes stung as I tried to keep my voice calm.

“Chance, listen...”

“No. I’m done listening. Why did you do this to me?” He waited for an answer.

“I didn’t mean for this to happen. I... I did love you, but it’s over.”

“I thought I could trust you. Ditched for a rock star. What a classic.” Chance sounded full of pain and loss. I hated to hear it.

“Chance...” I began.

“I just want to know why you did this to me. You betrayed me.”

“It’s not... you know what? Just leave me alone.” My hidden anger at him came out.

“I loved you! I gave you everything you wanted!”

“You are so blind! That isn’t love! Erin actually cares about my feelings!” I screamed into the phone.

“You know how painful and embarrassing this is?! I was interviewed about how much I loved you! What would happen if the news station found out I was ditched for f*****g rock star!” He screamed back at me.

“That’s all you care about, your image.” The tears ran freely down my cheeks.

“I wish it was, but I was stupid enough to fall for you.” Chance suddenly got quieter.

“Why am I still talking to you?” I asked both of us.

“I really don’t know.”

“Me neither.”

“I... I don’t need this.” Chance told me.

“I don’t need you.”

“I guess this is goodbye forever.” He said. The words stung a bit.

“I’m happy it’s over.” I told him.

“Good bye.” A click sounded from the other end followed by beeping. I backed against the wall and slid to the floor. My tears blurred my vision, but I looked at the heart shaped clock. It was 9:05, the concert ended in an hour.

“Get yourself together.” I told myself. Unfortunately I had practice pulling myself together. I wiped off my tears with my hand, got up, and walked to the bathroom. The makeup had run down my face making me look like a wreck. I opened the drawers and found a small towel and wet it. I’m glad the makeup came off easy or I would have some explaining to do. I did not want to ruin this night after all the trouble Zeke went through. It was a rare occasion to have him do something nice or useful. And after what I just went through, I hoped I could still save the night. I heard a knock at the door. My legs protested against moving, but I had to see who it is. I opened the door and was greeted by a tall man with a cart. He went past me and into the room.

“Oh, yeah, room service.” He turned to me and waved.

“Hello.” I said back.

“My name’s John, I’ll be your server tonight, blah, blah, blah.” John seemed pretty young, early twenties. He pushed the cart over to the table and started to pile up the dishes.

“Is that food?” I asked. John turned to me and raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, it is food. So, where’s your lover?” He turned back around and began setting up again.

“He’s....out right now.” I answered not knowing if I should let out more information.

“Out, eh? Sounds kinda strange since you’re in an anniversary suite. But who am I to judge.” John shrugged his shoulders. A plate clanked as he not so gently set it down.

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird.” I crossed my arms.

“What does he do for a living? You’d have to be pretty rich to get all this.” His hand motioned around the room.

“He’s...he’s a bass player in a band.” I hesitated to tell him.

“What band? Maybe I know it.” He walked to one side of the table and set a vase in the middle. John looked up at me.

“The band, Darkrise.” I told him. His jaw dropped and the plate he was holding fell onto the floor.

“Darkrise, no way!” He jumped around. “You mean the rock band, Darkrise?”

“Is there any other?” I asked.

“You are the luckiest girl in the world. Dude, that’s epic.”

“Yeah, it is.”

“I knew you looked familiar. You’re dating Erin.” He waved his finger at me remembering. I was standing there, my arms still crossed.

“Shouldn’t you be setting up the meal?” I asked him calmly. John paused for a moment.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” He picked up the plate and set it back down on the cart. “What’s your name anyhow?” John asked while grabbing a giant platter.

“Millie Hoffman.”

“Millie? I know you from somewhere else. You’re that girl the guy on tv was talking about. Aren’t you with him?” He cocked his head and set down the platter.

“No, not anymore. I’ve been dating Erin for a year now.” I uncrossed my arms and swung them at my sides. He looked at me and then grabbed some covered trays.

“I can’t wait to tell my friends.” His voice was filled with excitement. I looked over the table. It looked great. John walked around the table inspecting it for imperfections.

“You did a good job.” I told him unsure of what else I could say.

“It’s my job.” He clapped his hands and grabbed the cart. “That’s what you get when you don’t graduate high school, you become a freakin maid at a hotel.” I felt like I was slapped  when he said that. I never did graduate high school. My depression back then was worse than ever . The only thing that helped me get through the fact that I’d never see my friends again, was Chance. But that’s in the past and I don’t care to bring it up.

“Well, you  better leave before Erin comes.” I told John.

“You mean I could actually meet him! Oh my god!” He let go of the cart and jumped around.

“No, you need to leave.”

“Aw, well I’d better get going then.” His eyes were glittering with excitement. I opened the door and he wheeled the cart out.

“Goodbye.” I called after him.

“Have a nice night.” John said halfway down the hall. The door slammed shut. My head started to hurt. I groaned and approached the table. All the food was covered with metal bowls. I didn’t have the energy to want to uncover them. My gaze turned to the clock in the kitchen. It was only 9:33 and I was getting impatient.

“He’s not a rockstar. Erin’s a sweet, handsome, nice man. And I love him.” I mumbled to myself. My fingers tapped the table over and over again. I sighed deeply and sat down in one of the chairs. “Why can’t you be a superhero and get here faster?” My dress got caught on the corner of the table and ripped a hole in it. I cursed and sat down not really caring at the moment. The room felt so cold. Not a soul was around. No footsteps in the hallway, no muffled voices from the room next door, nothing. Silence consumed the room. My heartbeat quickened as I thought about the silence. It scared me. I closed my eyes and sighed. Erin, why can’t you get here sooner? All of a sudden I felt tired. The silence controlled my mind and it went blank as I drifted off.

“Millie?” I jumped up and looked around. A loud bell rang around the room followed by a knocking at the door. “Are you in there?” Erin yelled through the door.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Erin.” I ran to the door and opened it. He looked nothing like how he usually did after a show. Usually he was sweaty, messy, and tired. Erin was the complete opposite this time. His hair was slicked back, he had on a fancy tuxedo, and in his hands was the most beautiful bouquet of flowers I’d ever seen

“Hey, babe.”  He embraced me. We walked back into the room. Erin let me go and handed me the flowers.

“Erin, you didn’t...”

“I love you and I want this to be the most memorable night of your life.” He cut me off. My mind was processing his words.

“First, lets eat.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the table.

“I’m not hungry.” He told me when we reached it. I stared up at him. Erin put his hands on the sides of my face.

“Are you sure?” I asked. He seemed to be searching my face for something.

“What’s wrong?” His voice expressed his concern. My eyes dropped to the floor.

“It’s nothing.”

“He called, didn’t he?” I looked up to him again and bit my lip.

“Yeah, it’s nothing though.”

“We can talk, you know?” His left hand caressed my cheek and grabbed my shoulder.

“I don’t want to ruin the night.” I told him, looking away. He took my chin and turned it so I faced him.

“As long you live and breath, nothing can be ruined.” My eyes started to tear up. I had never heard anyone say something like that to me. At least not as serious as he had.

“You really mean it.” It was not a question.

“Until I die, I will mean it.” He answered anyway. I flung my arms around his neck and pressed my lips on his. His lips greeted mine happily.

“I love you.” I whispered in his ear as he locked his hands behind my waist. He started to kiss my neck.

“I know.” Erin said between kisses. “I love you too.” We pressed ourselves as close as we could to each other. His kisses made my head go fuzzy and I forgot everything. This was going to be the best night of my life. We started to back up toward the bedroom. My hand went behind me incase we hit the wall. I hit wall with my hand and Erin pressed against me. He stared into my eyes and smiled.

“You look so nice. Too bad we couldn’t eat dinner.” I told him. He chuckled and kissed me again. I felt him reach over and open the door. Our feet got twisted together as we attempted to get into the room. We fell to the floor, but Erin had turned in the air so he hit the floor first. We laughed, he pulled me closer and kissed me again. I reached for his coat and undid his buttons. Erin quickly slid off his coat sleeves without his lips leaving mine. He had a shirt on underneath. His hands were wrapped all the way around my waist.  All I wanted was him. My hands ran through his hair, messing it up. The shoulder strap for my dress slipped down onto my arm. I twisted, bent, and squeezed my arm out of the sleeve. His hands instantly went to my other sleeve and slid it down and off my arm. The dress still stayed on and didn’t reveal anything. In return I slid my hands up his shirt and started to lift it over his head. He let go of my waist and put his arms up. The shirt slid off easily. After his shirt came off he lifted me and threw me onto the bed.

“Having fun yet?” Erin asked seductively as he crawled onto the bed and over me.

“You have no idea.” I answered.

My eyes fluttered open and stared into the sparkling brown eyes of my love. A smile lit up his face as he caressed my cheek with his hand. My usual morning grumpiness faded quickly. He smiled a perfect smile. I smiled back at him. The sunlight glittered through the window lighting up his face.

“Good morning beautiful.” He said staring into my eyes. My heart started to beat faster.

“Well, you’re up early.” I told him sitting up and wrapping a blanket around myself. After all Erin and I had been through, I was still a very modest girl. For a minute I sat there and took in the room. It seemed like we weren’t even here. He had cleaned up the room before I had awoken.

“Well, we should start getting ready.” He kissed my forehead and got off the bed. All he wore was his favorite white tank top and boxers. It was normal morning attire. I got up too and looked for my clothes. Then, I remembered that I had come here in a dress with no suitcase or extra clothes.

“Honey, where’s my clothes?” I asked him. He poked his head out of the bathroom doorway with a toothbrush in his mouth, and pointed to the dresser behind me. My suitcase sat on top of it. I placed my hand on my forehead and sighed. Sometimes I just don’t think.

I walked over to the dresser and snatched up my suitcase. It felt heavier than I remembered. I set it on the floor and unzipped it slowly. My dress was folded neatly on top. A flashback of last night ran through my mind. This dress will forever be my favorite. I gently picked it up, smiled, and placed in on the dresser.  All of the clothes I had packed for the tour were in there. But I felt like something had been moved or messed with. I dug through my clothes with one hand, the other was holding a blanket that was covering myself. My hand hit the bottom and I frowned still feeling like something was wrong. I pushed it to the back of my mind and threw the clothes that I wanted out of the suitcase. They landed in a small pile next to the bed. The doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it.” Erin said passing by me. He closed the door behind himself when he left. I heard the door open and muffled voices. The door had blocked out their conversation that seemed to be getting very intense. The voices got louder, but I still couldn’t make out what they were saying. It didn’t really bother me because I was happy. We had a great night and I thought nothing could ruin it. I put on my undergarments and slipped on a simple black t-shirt. My sense of style wasn’t very complex just jeans, a t-shirt, and sneakers. I had pulled up my pants and buttoned them before I realised that the room had gone silent. Fear clouded my mind for a minute.

“Erin?” I called out the bathroom doorway. Silence answered my call. “Erin, honey? Are you there?” I called again my voice cracking at the end. Something smashed in the kitchen and the fear made itself known as I bit back my tears. I crept out of the bathroom and slowly opened the door. The door only showed out to the dining table. My shaking hands opened the door farther.

“Erin?” I whispered. The door squeaked breaking the silence and I jumped in the air in surprize. I felt like a scared kid. Silence took hold once again as I looked out. Then I saw him. My heart started to beat dangerously fast. He was bent over the kitchen counter with his head in his hands. My hand instantly went to my mouth as I frowned underneath. He shook his head, but did not look at me. I instantly thought about all the bad things that could have happened. Fear paralyzed me. Someone was hurt or maybe the tour was canceled. I used up all my bravery and walked over to Erin. My hand grabbed his shoulder. He still didn’t look up. I said his name louder.

“Why does this have to happen to us?” Erin shook his head.

“What do you mean? What happened?” I asked him hoping for an answer. He stood up straight and turned to face me. His face flashed pain, sorrow, and anger before going completely blank and emotionless.

“We have to leave.” He told me. Something forced me to take a step away from him. A dangerous aura radiated off Erin. This wasn’t the normal him.

“What are you talking about?” My voice became no more than a whisper. His beautiful brown eyes stared off at something I couldn’t dream of seeing.

“Pack your stuff.” He grabbed my wrist dragged me toward the bedroom. My feet started to catch on the floor. The sudden change in Erin struck me somewhere. I yanked my wrist out of his hand and stared at him, mouth wide open in disgust and shock.

“What are you talking about. Erin, what’s wrong with you?” My voice raised so I was yelling at him. Anger ran through his face followed by pain. He stared past me.

“All you need to know is that we need to leave, now.” His hands grabbed my shoulders and he stared into my eyes. I searched his face for the answer I was desperate for. But I found none. The part of me that wanted so badly too just run away was pushed out. I loved him too much.

“Fine.” My hand grabbed his and took it off my shoulder. The door was still open and I dashed in, grabbed my suitcase, and ran back out to Erin. He was running around the room, putting stuff away and cleaning up whatever he had smashed. This whole thing seemed to become dangerous. It was like our lives were in danger. He dashed over to the door, opened it, and peered out.

“Millie, come on, quickly.” Erin waved his hand to hurry up. I walked to him with my suitcase dragging behind me. He put his sunglasses on the top of his head.

“Erin, please tell me what’s happening.” I pleaded him. His mouth was open ready tell me, but he shook his head and opened the door. My legs dared me to stay still. While he walked slowly out of the room, I stood there staring at him.

“Come on!” Erin whispered urgently to me. I wanted so badly to follow him. A miniature battle had been going on in my head this whole time. My thoughts were wild and confused.

“I don’t know.” I told him. He turned to face me.

“Honey, I can explain what’s going on when we make it to the bus. I know this is crazy and I don’t even know what’s really going on. Just trust me on this. I love you and I really don’t want to lose you.” What he had said confused me even more. I shook my head and stared at him. He sighed and grabbed my hand. We walked quickly out of the room and down the hall. Just before we reached the staircase he stopped and pulled on his hat and sunglasses. It seemed like he was hiding from something. When we started to walk down the stairs and I saw why. The lights blinded me, flashing on and off. A wave of voices and clicking engulfed us. I couldn’t see anything. Someone called out my name several times. I didn’t know who it was. Erin kept guiding me blindly through the crowd.

“What is it like to know you were a part of a scandal?” I opened my eyes and saw a microphone in my face. It wasn’t the only one though. I looked around at the people who surrounded us. They were reporters.

“Do you know who put him up to this?” A young, eager looking girl stepped in front of me. I stopped, but Erin kept tugging my hand.

“Who?” I asked her looking up at Erin. He bit his lip and stared at the front doors only a few meters away. A shocked murmur went through the mob of reporters.

“How does it feel to have been lied to by someone you loved?” The girl asked me. Everything seemed to have stopped as I stared at Erin. He had betrayed me somehow and I was the only one who didn’t know.

“Millie, honey, we can talk about this when we get to the bus.” His hand gripped mine harder. I pushed the thought to the back of my mind and rushed after him as we ran out the door. The bus was right outside. It’s red and white designs glinting off the sun and camera flashes. As we approached it the door opened and Zeke stood just inside. His face a image of worry.

“Guys, hurry.” He yelled out to us. I quickened my pace and dashed up the stairs onto the bus. Erin followed me and closed the doors himself. The bus driver instantly started the bus and drove out and away from the hotel. I dropped down on the couch trying to catch my breath, Erin right beside me. All I could focus on was how fast my heart was beating.

“Zeke, where’s Brice?” I looked over and saw Zeke standing in front of Erin. He was also out of breath and seemed scared.

“They went out for breakfast. We are going to get them now.” Zeke sat down on the couch across from us and ran his fingers through his hair. They were silent.

“Erin, I need to know what the hell is going on.” I sat up and stared into Erin’s eyes. He stared back at me. I could tell he didn’t want to tell me. The bus shades were drawn and the only light came from the small ones on the ceiling, but even in the dimness I knew he was hiding something. Erin said nothing and stared down at his hands that were unusually shaky. I then turned to Zeke and pleaded him with my eyes. He sighed and looked at Erin for approval. Erin gave no sign that he wanted to be a part in telling me what was going on.

“I don’t know how to explain this...” Zeke began, but stopped as Erin got up and went to the back to sit down. For some reason I felt like I should be angry at him. I put my hands down on the seat as the bus lurched forward and to a sudden stop. The door creaked open and the bus shook as Brice and Ben rushed on. They quickly walked through the curtain and sat down on the couch, one on each side of me. Ben bent over and put his head in his lap. His dreads covered the sides of his face so I couldn’t see his expression. The bus started to move again as we drove to who knows where. I stared around the bus looking at each person desperate to know what was going on. Brice sighed angrily and looked up at Zeke. Zeke nodded his head toward the back and Brice got up. The band seemed to have their own language and I knew it would always be a secret to me. He walked to the back and I heard him sit next to Erin. They began a conversation which I couldn’t make out even though the bus was dead silent. I felt overwhelmed and confused about everything.

“I really need a beer.” Ben stood up, I still couldn’t see his face, and walked to the fridge. He picked the first thing he saw and sat back down across from me. His face was blank, emotionless. Ben popped the top and took a long drink from it.

“Please tell me what’s going on.” I stared up at Zeke. He looked at me and bit his lip. Ben shook his head and stared at Zeke angrily.

“Just tell her already. She deserves to know. This affects her more than it does to us.” He looked away and sighed, frustrated. Zeke rubbed the back of his neck and took a deep breath.

“Um... I really don’t want to tell you this.” He knew that whatever he said was going to hurt me. Zeke sounded guilty. Ben groaned.

“If you won’t tell her I will.” He said obviously annoyed by Zekes hesitation.

“But...” Zeke continued. My fingers were tapping impatiently against the fake leather seat.

“Oh for heavens sake, Zeke! Erin cheated on you.” Ben half yelled. The bus went silent. Brice stopped talking to Erin in the back.

“What?!” I asked again, certain I had heard it wrong.

“While you were gone visiting Amber, Erin cheated on you.” He repeated. My fingers dug into the seat. I stopped breathing and started concentrating on what Ben said.

“He...he.” I couldn’t finish my sentence. My body was shaking. I covered my face with my hands and felt it twist in agony, but I held in my tears for the moment. I was well known to never, ever cry. At least not in front of anyone. My mind felt like burning acid had been poured all over it. The ground started to quake beneath my feet.

“Millie, I’m sorry.” Zeke placed a hand on my shoulder. It too felt like acid.

“Get your hands off me.” I growled at him. He took a quick step back. I uncovered my face and glared at him. By the way he looked at me I could tell I looked horrible. The hatred I felt for all of them was growing by the second. He betrayed me. It was only Erin who hurt me. I stopped and frowned for a moment. I felt bad for being angry at the others. Only Erin is the enemy. But they all knew, they all knew this had happened. Everything clicked in my brain when I thought about what had happened earlier. The reporters, they knew also. Everybody knew, except me. Everyone hid this from me. How could I be so blind. I trusted him and I never really trusted any guy until I met Erin. I knew I should have never trusted him. He was just like the rest of them, selfish, lying, b******s, who don’t give a damn about who they throw away.

“Please calm down. I’m sorry...”

“Shut your f*****g mouth.” I screamed at Zeke. My hands were in fists and held tightly at my sides. I stood up, walked over to the curtain, and stopped. Brice was standing by the beds, blocking my view of the filthy, cheating, liar, who sat in the back.

“Erin feels very bad about it. Just listen to him... it wasn’t his fault. He was drunk.” Brice held out his hands.

“He was drunk! Well, tell that f*****g scumbag to go to hell! I’m done! I’m f*****g done with this s**t! I’m not going to listen to a single thing he says. He promised not to drink! He broke every promise he ever made me! Nothing he says can fix this.” My arms were flailing around wildly as I screamed at him. They all looked at me like I was the monster. I glared at each one of them. Everything was silent and it almost make me break down. I instead pushed curtain aside and went to the front.

“Do you want to stop?” Earl said before I spoke. He had heard everything.

“Yes, thank you.” I sounded surprisingly calm. My head started throbbing and I almost turned around to get some aspirin from the cupboards. Then I realized that I never wanted to see their faces again. Too many times I’ve been thrown aside like trash. I knew that it was going to happen sooner or later. It always happens. After everything I’d been through with him. It was over, just like that.

“There’s a bus station a block away. I’m sorry about what happened.” Earl opened the bus doors and I quickly got off. As he closed them I waved to him. He was the only person who I wasn’t pissed off at. He probably had to deal with this a lot. The bus slowly drove away, but I turned so I couldn’t watch it. Even though it held something I didn’t want back. It still hurt to watch it leave. All this time I had wasted with them. I thought they were my idols, I looked up to them. And they stomped all over me. I started walking to the station. My throat was hurting and my eyes stung as I held in the tears. When I turned a corner I saw the bus station and sighed. I had nothing but the clothes on my back, my cell phone, and fifteen dollars. I made it up to the booth to get tickets.

“Welcome. Do you want tickets?” A woman stood inside the booth in a suit and bright red lipstick. I nodded and handed her my money.

“How far will this take me?” All I wanted was to leave and never come back. She took the money and counted it in her hands. It seemed to take years for her to complete the counting.

“Which way are you heading?” She asked.

“North.” I answered her trying not to make eye contact. She knit her eyebrows together and studied me.

“Honey, I’ve seen many people like you come through here. Broken, alone, desperate. I understand that it’s hard. Now tell me the exact place you want to go. I’m going to make sure you make it home safely.” My jaw dropped as I looked at her.

“Wisconsin, Milwaukee.” I told her in disbelief. She started typing on her computer.  

“Ok, there’s a bus leaving five minutes that will take you to Chicago. There you will get on another bus and that will take you home overnight. Here’s your tickets. Be safe, hun.” Her perfectly manicured hand slid two tickets through a hole in the glass. I almost felt happy. At least some people were nice to me. I grabbed them and gave her a forced smile.

“Thank you.” I called over my shoulder as I ran to find my bus. My heart started to beat painfully as I ran. All I wanted now was to just get away. Away from everything that hurt me. The sun was starting to go down.

“Now leaving for Chicago.” I heard someone call out from a bus at the end of the station. I picked up my pace and made it to the bus as the driver sat down. He grabbed my ticket and greeted me. The bus was not full, but when I looked around I felt like a million eyes were on me. I walked quickly to the back where I thought no one could see me. The eyes followed me there too and I felt uncomfortable. A couple a few seats ahead turned to look at me. They whispered to each other and turned back around. A teenage girl stared down the aisle at me while typing on her phone. I stared out the window and tried to push the strange looks and glares to the back of my mind. It soon got too much and I put my head in my hands. I hated to break down because it took forever to get back together. My tears filled my hands and I kept my sobs silent. I imagined Erin once I left. Him giving all his bandmates highfives. By now he probably has another girl all over him. Rockstars. I hated them. My hands held my head as I took a shaky breath to calm myself. A small part of me wanted to curl into a ball and never come out. Everything hurt. I felt eyes on me again, but this time they seemed closer. I looked up to find a woman standing in front of me. She stared at me.

“What do you want?” I managed to choke out. She ran a hand through her shoulder length, black hair.

“You look like you need someone to talk to.” Her voice was quiet.

“I don’t need anyone.” I told her turning away. She came and sat next to me anyway.

“You can talk to me. I don’t like seeing someone in pain and having no one help.” I turned to her and sighed. Her put her lips together and stared at me.

“I can’t really tell you what’s going on. It’s embarrassing.” The more I thought about what happened I realized that it was embarrassing. Being cheated on by my rockstar boyfriend and never knowing about it until after media and everyone in the world knew.

“Look at me. I can tell you need someone to talk to.” She seemed to know what she was doing. Her aura was friendly and I was desperate. I looked up at her.

“Do you know who I am?” I asked. Everyone else seemed to know about the scandal. Maybe she knew. She studied me for a minute. Then she opened her mouth in shock.

“I do know you. You’re the Darkrise girl.” The woman tried to hide her excitement. “You’re Erins.... Oh my! I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to...”  She grimaced. I shook my head and felt like crying.

“So...so you know what’s happened already.” I felt angry at everything. Who doesn’t know about it. Can’t wait to go home and be the laughing stock of the town. I could see the towns paper right now, ‘Rocker ditches commoner girl’ or something like that. Something that ruins my life.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to be... I feel so bad for you. I just read about this, this morning. When did you find out?” Her hand covered her mouth in shock.

“About an hour or so ago.” I answered. She gasped.

“You must still be hurting. I wouldn’t blame you for leaving him. The media made it seem so horrid. What did happen?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” She started to annoy me.

“Me and my big mouth. Oh I almost forgot. My name’s Clara.” Clara smiled sweetly at me. I faked a smile back and we started talking.

“Chicago in five minutes!” We heard the bus driver yell over our conversation. We were laughing.

“So I pushed him off the chair and climbed on top of it.” I told her stories from my past, but never told her who they were with.

“That’s so funny. Well, we better pack up. I get off at Chicago also.” Clara shoved all off the stuff she had taken out during the long trip. We had make up, nail polish, and candy wrappers all over the seat.

“I wish we didn’t have to get off. I’ve had so much fun.” After hours and hours on the bus she had made me feel better. People had stopped staring at me and my tears had dried up.

“It was a lovely time. We should keep in touch.” Clara took out a business card and handed it to me.

“You’re a florist. That’s so cool.” I told her studying the flower border that surrounded the card. “Clara Barber, florist and bouquet specialist.” I read out loud. She blushed.

“My husband made the cards. He likes to do that kind of thing.” Clara crumpled up the candy wrappers and shoved them in her pocket. I smiled at her.

“You never told me you had a husband. Wow, you’re pretty good. Wish I had your luck.” Right now I didn’t really have the energy to be angry at someone. They were shoved to the back of my mind.

“Don’t lose hope. If you ever do get married you know who to call for flowers.” She made a phone with her hand and put it up to her ear. I gave her a thumbs up. The bus stopped and we both frowned.

“You’ve just been too nice to me.” I told her. Clara shook her head.

“Come on let’s get off this bus.” She took my hand and pulled me down the aisle and out the door. It was dark out and the station was lit up. We stood on the sidewalk and hugged each other.

“I’m going to miss you.”

“Don’t lose hope. You have plenty of time to get everything right. Start over and forget everything in the past.” She grabbed her bag and waved goodbye before disappearing into the dark. I almost wanted to cry, but I was done crying. I turned away looking for my next bus. The city was lit up and bright. Skyscrapers and apartment buildings shined and glowed. My mind wandered to the tour and the big, huge cities we passed through and how he always knew where to go out to. I took a deep breath and tightened my hands into fists. It was time to forget all of that. Start over. And this was just the beginning. I saw a sign that flashed Milwaukee. It guided me to my bus and I quickly got on covering my face the best I could on my dimly lit way to the back. No one noticed me. I gave a sigh of relief as I sat down. The bus had turned up its air conditioning in the back and I was soon frozen. My short sleeve t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers did not help to keep me warm. I waited for it to shut off, but it didn’t. So I stuck it out as I drifted off into a nightmare-less sleep.

“Milwaukee coming up!” The bus driver screamed from the front. I jumped up quickly and my head spun. All of the passengers were grabbing their stuff from the top racks.  My head was down and the morning light drifted through the window. I looked up and remembered everything. I cursed under my breath. A man turned around and stared at me then looked up at the rack. He looked confused for a minute. I tried to cover my face and look away without being too suspicious. Out the window I saw the bus station, but it wasn’t close enough.

“Hey, you’re that girl from tv!” The man called to me. I groaned. A wave of surprised voices drifted through the bus. My stomach dropped. Heads turned to me and phones flashed out.

“Just leave me alone!” I screamed at them. It went quiet for a few moments before the clicking of cameras took over. I covered my face and dashed up front. The bus driver looked at me with pity. My hands were shaking in front of my face as I held the flood of emotions in.

“Get off now, hurry.” The bus driver stopped the bus and opened the door. “If anyone follows her out I am going to call the cops.” He yelled back at the passengers. I dashed out, running for my life until I found a familiar street. My heart raced, my head ached, and I was on edge. I looked around so paranoid that someone was going to jump out on me. Everytime a car passed I would jump back and try to hide. I didn’t even feel safe in my hometown. A pair of bicyclists passed me and I waved. Maybe if I act normal no one will recognize me. I turned a corner and saw a playground. It struck something in my mind and I remembered where I was. Just a few more blocks and I’ll be home. I quickened my pace until I was sprinting down the street. Houses blurred by and people pointed at me. My legs started to hurt, but I couldn’t stop. The moment I get home everything’s going to get better. Everything will be fine. A house I recognized was ahead, It was my home. I ran up the path, jumped over the steps, and opened the door.

“I’m home!” I yelled. Someone shouted from inside and I ran to the living room. A girl my age came running down the stairs. Her long blonde hair was trailing behind her like a cape.

“Millie!” Amber ran and pulled me into a huge bear hug. “I’m sooooo sorry... I swear when I get my hands on Zeke. I... I’m going to kill him.” She was ranting franticly about what she would do to Zeke when she saw him next.

“Amber, please calm down. I’m alright.” I grabbed her arm and she took a deep breath.

“If I knew you were coming I would have made you something.”

“It’s all right. Everything’s just fine.” I stared at the floor.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to tell you. I knew what it would do to you.”

“It’s all good. I’m done with them. Everything is forgotten and I will not go back there.” I told her walking toward the stairs.

“You look like you were hit by a bus.” Amber told me pointing at my hair. I tried to smooth down my hair in vain. She seemed worried.

“I’m done with them. No one can change my mind. I’m tired.” I ran up the stairs, into my room, and face down into my pillow. My mind went blank as laid there not caring. I flipped over and stared at my ceiling and almost started to cry. A poster of them was stapled to the ceiling above me. I jumped up angrily and tore it down. It ripped off the ceiling and left the staples. I threw it on the floor and stood on my bed screaming silently. My head started to hurt as I stared around my room. Everything was just as I had left it. I hated it. They were everywhere. On my walls, desk, everywhere. They stared at me, mocking me. I started screaming and covered my ears as their voices invaded my head. In the background I heard Amber yelling my name. I slammed open the door and down the hall to the bathroom. The bathroom door shut behind me and I locked it.

“Millie. Don’t be upset. I didn’t want to mess up your room while you were gone. I didn’t know you’d come back like this. Please come out.” Amber pleaded and knocked on the bathroom door. I stared at myself in the mirror. My hair was a wild mess, face red, dirty, and my blue eyes swollen with tears.

“I don’t need your help. I just need them to leave me alone.” I whimpered and I heard her take a deep sigh.

“Okay, I’m going to go fix your room. Don’t be angry at all of them. The tour ends in a month and Zeke’s going to spend his vacation here.” She informed me. I bit my lip and stared down at the fake marble sink.

“I’m going to clean up.”

“Good. Now relax, everything is going to be fine.” Amber tried to calm me, but I wasn’t even listening. I turned on the sink and listened to her footsteps go down the hall to my room. Running my hands under the water seemed like a dream. Even I didn’t know when the last time I took a shower was. In pure stupidity I tried to remember and succeeded painfully. The water was brown for a few seconds and then cleared out. I wish it was just that easy, to forget everything. Wash everything out of my mind like the water. I sighed, started to undress, and hopped in the shower.

“I placed some clothes outside the door.” Amber called as I dried myself. I hung up the towel and stared at the door. My mind blanked for a second before I opened the door an inch and pulled in my clothes. As I slipped on my jeans I wondered what I would do now. I never have had a job before that paid a decent amount. Amber always had the money for everything. She was paid just to be alive. Her job was to make videos and create animations for the internet. I never had the energy or dedication to make a video pretty much everyday for the rest of my life. Somehow she manages to do it. My t-shirt slipped over my head and I opened the door.

“Amber?” I called. Her footsteps were heard in the kitchen rushing up to me. She popped up at the top of the stairs.

“Good, you’re done. Now I made you some cookies and dinner.” Around her waist was an apron. She smiled.

“You didn’t have to, Amber.”

“No. Don’t you dare decline my food. You need to relax and get back into your normal routine. I promise that I didn’t poison the food too much.” We laughed and I followed her down the stairs.

“I haven’t had a normal routine in a year.” I told her. She went to the kitchen and came back with a plate. Amber set it on the table in front of the wide screen tv.

“Well, I’m going to make a vlog now. You want in?” She pulled out her camera from the aprons pocket. I couldn’t help but give a small smile.

“I don’t mind.”

“Good, hold on a minute.” Amber turned on the camera and pointed it at herself. “Hello there peoples on the internet. It’s your leader Amber here with the one and only Millie.” She pointed the camera at me. I waved. “For all of you who have been my viewers for a few years know her. She’s back from the dead. Shes been on a...holiday and is back. Well, I have more news for you...” Amber started to walk off while talking to the camera. I started to devour my sandwich hungrily and stare at the blank tv. Amber had installed a small camera on top of it. She probably started playing wii games for her channel. Ever since we were kids we dreamed of becoming big stars and being a household name for years to come. Amber achieved it over the internet by videos and lets plays. I achieved it by dating a rockstar and being cheated on. My head started to hurt and I lost my appetite. I grabbed the plate, walked to the kitchen, and dumped it in the garbage. It wasn’t even half eaten. I hoped that Amber wasn’t offended. I just didn’t feel like eating. The widow in our living room that faced our backyard drew me in. We never were big gardeners or had any use for our yard. It was just a place to sit and think. Our grass was mowed by the helpful neighbor boy and it only cost five dollars.

I stared at my bare feet and sighed. Not sure what to do. Amber walked in the front door.

“Hey Amber, what are you doing today?” I asked her wanting to do something, anything. She looked up and thought.

“Well, I’m actually going to collab with someone in an hour. So, nothing.” Amber gave a little laugh and stared at me waiting for me to say what I wanted to do.

“Just asking.” I laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. She sighed and walked up the stairs. Now I felt like doing nothing. I wanted to lay here and never get up, ever. The couch made me want to sleep, but I couldn’t. Something in my brain kept me from closing my eyes or getting up. Instead I watched the shadows creep across the ceiling as the sun slowly sank down and rose, over and over again. Amber passed me a few times and gave me worried looks. She only stopped once to talk, but I wasn’t listening. I didn’t talk to her or even make any noise. She came by when it was almost dark one night and turned on the lamp next to the couch.

“Millie, I’m worried about you. All you’ve done for a week is lay on the couch. You haven’t eaten anything and don’t say a word. This isn’t normal.” Amber sat on the coffee table and crossed her arms. I looked at her and turned away. She gave a frustrated sigh. I heard her get up and walk up the stairs. She probably is going to bed. My mind was slow and I didn’t have many thoughts when I laid here. I didn’t want to think. Something went across my cheek and I reached up to wipe it away. It was a tear, one lonely tear. I asked myself why I was crying and ended up laying there with a river running down my face. My body curled into a ball as the hole in my chest broke open. After years of healing it, it just ended up getting torn apart again. The pain is unbearable. I put my head down on the couch and closed my eyes. The tears still seeped through my closed eyes. I tried hard to fall asleep. For the first time in a week I tried to sleep. It felt like hours passed before my mind went fuzzy. I fell into a dream the moment I went unconscious.

“You’re back.” A familiar voice echoed through my head. I cringed at the sound of it. But I looked down and saw a clone of myself. Her arms were around someone. Their face was blocked by her head.

“I missed you.” The clone of me told the person. My hand reached out to turn her  around, but I was shoved backwards by an invisible force. I landed hard on the ground.

“You know that I love you. I can’t stay away.” He held her closer and whispered in her ear. She closed her eyes.

“I waited for you, but I didn’t know it would take so long.” I had no idea what she was talking about. My words, her words seemed familiar in a way. I felt the floor and tried to think and realized it wasn’t a real floor. It was clear glass. I looked through the floor and found nothing but a deep chasm that never ended. Fear stung my heart for a moment. Then I told myself it’s just a dream. I looked down and heard footsteps approaching. My head shot up and I saw a dark silhouette walking up to my clone and the other person. He was a man, I could tell by the shoulders and the way he walked.

“What are you doing here?!” The man she was hugging let go and yelled at the silhouette. They all turned dark as the men stalked up to each other.

“Please don’t do this.” She pleaded them. They were about to fight.

“She’s mine. She wants me.” The stranger stabbed his finger into the other mans chest. My clone curled into a ball on the floor. The men started pushing and shoving each other. They screamed about her, me and how I want them. I should have recognized them. Somehow this was something I should know. Shoving became hitting, she started to wail and scream for them to stop. But she wouldn’t get up.

“Get up!” I ended up screaming at her. She didn’t stop, she never even heard me. Screams of rage and hatred were the background noise compared to her screams. My heart started to hurt as I watched this go down. Something told me this was important. This was something I had to know about. Her screams stopped for a moment as the man she was hugging fell. The strangers shoulders rose and fell as he took deep breaths. She stared at him.

“I’m sorry this had to happen. I love you.” He staggered over to her and knelt down. His arms were out waiting to be embraced. She looked around still in shock. He embraced her instead. It felt weird to watch them. I was watching me. The floor beneath us felt rough and fragile. I lifted my hand and looked down at the floor. It was crumbling around us. I quickly stood up and panicked. They didn’t move as the floor dissolved and I dropped. I flailed around as I fell trying to slow my descent. My mind flashed my most horrific memories on the pitch dark walls of the chasm. The voice I tried so hard not to recognise stung my brain with snide remarks and comments.

“You were never enough. They are Gods and you are just a poor, worthless, ugly peasant.” His voice screamed at me. I screamed back at him.

“Get out of my brain!” My hand shot out to slap away the visions. I instantly felt pain shoot up my arm. The darkness was taken over by a strong flash of light and someone saying my name.

“Millie, come on. Wake up you’ve hurt yourself. Hit your arm on the table.” Amber stood over me. She seemed annoyed. I cradled my arm. It didn’t hurt as much anymore. She yawned and leaned back on the coffee table.

“Was I doing it again?” I asked her already knowing the answer. She looked at me with sympathy.

“I wouldn’t blame you for having one tonight. You’ve had a stressful time lately. Just calm down and we’ll go back to sleep.” Amber tried to reassure me that everything was fine, but I could see the sun was just about to come up.

“Did I keep you up all night?!” I sat up and stared at the rising sun.

“Not really. We’ve been living in the same house for years. I get used to it, but I know that you won’t wake up unless someone else wakes you up. I’ve only been up for a hour. Don’t worry.” She got up and headed toward the kitchen. I rubbed my eyes and looked toward the kitchen. Amber was pouring cereal into a bowl.

“I’m sorry. I mean... I know you’re used to it by now, but I can’t help but know how hard it is to deal with.” I found it hard to talk.

“Well, anyway it’s not your fault.” She told me while opening the fridge. My legs protested painfully as I walked up to the tv.

“Do you still have Spyro for the PS3?” I asked. She laughed and came out with her bowl of cereal in hand.

“Of course. I know that it’s your favourite game. I wanted to play it for my gaming channel, but I didn’t know if you would like it.” Amber sat down on the couch and started eating. I sighed.

“I don’t go on the internet anymore. I’ve been off it for a year.” My stomach started to hurt as I thought about it.

“Well, I am starting to finish up Portal 2 with Ken. We could do Spyro together. Just like back in the old days.” She put her hand on my shoulder and smiled. I saw something that didn’t seem right in her smile. Amber was hiding something. I had a guess on what it is.

“Amber, what did they say about me in the comments?” My tone was quick and serious. She closed her eyes and shook her head.

“They know you and ever since the vlog the other day... I’ve had problems. I had to disable comments on that vlog.” Amber stared at me.

“Amber, I can’t believe I’ve caused you this much trouble. You never had to disable comments before. I’m nothing but a problem for everyone. I’m really sorry.” I felt horrible. All I’ve done is cause trouble. Ambers jaw dropped.

“Millie, you are not a problem. It’s just that there are some really insensitive people out there. They don’t understand what you have gone through. I know that it’s hard to...” She was interrupted by the doorbell. I crossed my arms and sat down on the couch. She frowned at me and got up. I listened as she opened the door and started talking to someone.

“Is it mail?” I called. She didn’t answer. I heard the door close and Amber sighing loudly.

“Can you help me get the this into the living room?” Once she said that, I knew it was her mail. Amber got boxes and bags of mail every week. It’s part of being a Youtube star. I never really experienced it for myself. Sometimes I helped her open all of it. I got up and quickly walked over to the front door. She had one box in her hands and on the floor were two more. I grabbed one and walked with her back to the living room.

“When did you get so famous?” I asked her laughing.

“I’ve gotten pretty popular since you left for a year. Five-million subs now.” She set the box on the couch and I set mine next to hers.

“Do you want me to sort it out?” I asked her as I stared at the rows and rows of colorful envelopes. The house went quiet.

“Millie? You’ve got something here for you. I think you might want it.” Amber called. I ran to the door and stopped when I saw what she was talking about. My hand went to my mouth in shock.

“Who are they from?” I stared at the large colorful bouquet that sat on the floor. Amber shrugged her shoulders and ran her fingers through her hair in thought.

“I don’t want to open your card. What confuses me is the kind of flower. They’re daffodils, the flowers of forgiveness and a new start. Who would want forgiveness from you? Wait...” She stared at me her eyes wide. “You don’t think it’s... you know.” Amber covered her mouth. I felt like crying for a moment.

“No, it can’t be.” My hands went to my sides and I shook my head. I walked over to the flowers and pulled out the card. The cover was blank.

“Now don’t flip out if it is.” Amber put her hand on my arm. I opened the card slowly and read what was inside.

Millie,

I’m sorry for everything that’s happened. I didn’t mean to be so harsh on you. My mind just won’t let me forget you. I hope this is enough to let you know I still care for you. We can start over. Please, please forgive me for what happened. I never should have left and now you’re hurting for it. Don’t hate me for what I said. I still love you. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?

Love,

Chance

I fell to my knees and read the letter over and over again. Amber took the letter from me and read it. My mind was going over everything he had written. He still wants me. I thought that it was all over.

“He still wants me.” I said to Amber in disbelief. She took a deep breath and kneeled down next to me.

“I really don’t know what you should do. And I don’t want to tell you what to do. You just went through something awful, but if you really want to start over again with Chance... I’ll support you either way.” Amber handed me the letter and I just stared at it. I had no idea what to do. The floor felt like it was tilting sideways and my head started spinning. My hand went to the floor to steady myself.

“He blames himself. But.. I did it to him. I don’t know what to do.” The thought of him confused me. It confused me mostly because I almost missed him. Amber grabbed my arm and helped me up. I stood up, but didn’t move until Amber spoke.

“I know that you really didn’t need this. But, what are you going to do. You could just ignore it or...If you really believe this will be good for you, you could call him.” She looked into my eyes waiting for my answer. It felt silly, but I almost smiled. I was feeling lonely ever since everything changed. Now was my chance to start over and leave the past behind me.

“I.. I think I’ll call him.” I told her almost in a whisper. She gave me a small smile and hugged me. My body felt warmer and more alive.

“This will be great.” She said letting me go. I heard a buzzing and Amber pulled out her phone. She smiled at it and mouthed Zeke. I stared at the floor as she answered it. Her voice was cheerful when she answered it. I sighed.

“I’ll be outside talking to Chance.” I told her. She held up her finger to tell me to hold on.

“Yes Zeke... I have everything planned out... I do have it here... Don’t talk about that... She is here.” Amber looked at me and I felt horrible for a moment. “Don’t bring it up Zeke... If you want to tell... No he can’t.” She raised her voice and I was shocked. “Don’t you see what he did to her! Leave it alone!... I’m sorry, but you know... Yes I love you... Bye.” Amber took the phone away from her ear and gave me a weak smile. I looked down.

“I’m sorry if I caused you any trouble.” My problems caused her to fight with Zeke. I felt guilty. Amber held her phone in her hand and smiled at me.

“You know he had it coming to him. Sometimes I wonder why I’m still with him.” She put her arm around my shoulders and laughed.

“I don’t know either.” I gave a little laugh and stared at the flowers on the floor.

“Don’t worry everything is going to work out. If he’s this desperate to fix everything.”

“It just that... I’m not sure anymore. I think I’m doing the right thing.” I sighed and reached down to touch the flowers. The flowers smelled great, but I felt confused about the whole thing. I picked up the bouquet and walked into the living room. Amber followed me silently. She probably knew what I was going to do. I held the flowers in my hands as I sat down on the couch. My mind was a swirling torrent of thoughts and feelings. I wondered if he really wanted me, did he feel sorry for me, who put him up to this. The last question lingered in my brain. Did someone put him up to this? I turned to Amber. She was standing by the kitchen watching me. I took a deep breath and looked back at the flowers. Time passed by and my mind was blank.

“Are you going to call him or what?” Amber asked me. Why was she all for this? Did she put him up to this? I felt bad for accusing her for setting this up, but I couldn’t help but wonder.

“I guess. Should I use my phone?”

“He’d know it was you if you did.” Amber set her cell phone down on the table and sat next to it. I pulled out my cell phone and held it in my hand. It’s just one call. Will he answer? Would he be happy that I called back? I turned on my phone and went through my contacts. Chance was right at the beginning, but under it was Erin. I froze and stopped myself from crying out. Amber’s eyes became wide and she took the phone from my hands. I put my head down and covered my face. My heart and mind couldn’t handle the thought of him. He was still painfully burned into my brain. I was branded with his mistake.

“I’m sorry I... I can’t do it. I’m sorry.” My head shook and I talked through my hands. I fought back the tears and tried to hide infected hole in my body. Amber sighed sympathetically.

“I really don’t know what to do with you. You cringe at the slightest memory of him. I really don’t know if time will heal your wound. It’s been over a week and just today you got up from a whole seven days on the couch. I’m worried. I think meeting with Chance will do some good. At least wait until tomorrow to talk to him.” She patted my shoulder and walked away. I tried to calm down. Amber must’ve taken my phone with her. She probably went to go delete or hide his number. Somehow she still stayed my best friend no matter what kind of hell I put her through. I laid down on the couch and began to cry. And I hated myself for it. My tear filled eyes closed and I welcomed the darkness.

“I can’t do this!” My screams scared me, I jumped up and opened my eyes. I felt scared and I couldn’t remember anything that happened. The room was still dark. A layer of sweat covered my skin. My breaths came in huge gasps. I blinked and looked around the room. Light filtered down the stairs and I studied it. I saw the silhouette of someone sitting behind the railing. Guilt washed over me. Amber stood up and grasped the railing. She walked down the rest of the stairs and turned on the living room light. I closed my eyes and put my head in my hands. My hands turned into fists as I pounded them into the couch.

“Millie, please don’t.” Amber came over and stood next to the couch. Dark circles underlined her eyes. She must have stayed up all night watching over me.

“I can’t keep doing this to you. You don’t need to deal with this. It’s not... I’m sorry.” I turned away from her and stood up. Amber stepped toward me and reached out.

“I know that you can’t control it. Don’t beat yourself up over it.” She put a hand on my shoulder. I shook it off and was instantly angry at myself.

“Can’t you see that it’s not going to get better! I’m not right. I am nothing but a bad person! All I do is harm everyone! The world would be better without me screwing it up. I can’t f*****g do this anymore!” I turned to her. She took a step back and covered her hand with her mouth. Hot tears welled up in my eyes and I angrily wiped them away. Thoughts were swirling around in my head. My hands grasped my hair. I turned and ran to the front door. Amber called after me but I yanked open the door and ran. I ran down the yard, over the sidewalk, and out onto the road. The street was empty and I saw no cars. I felt disappointed. My eyes were searching for somewhere to run. Searching for an escape. Amber came running to me.

“What is going on?! Why are you doing this?” She walked around to stand in front of me. Her hands were on her head and her eyes were wide. I closed my eyes and I held back my screams. My sanity was falling apart. The dark part of my mind grew and took over.

“Get the f**k away from me! I don’t need your sympathy.” I screamed into her face. The world was shaking. Amber took a quick step back and glared at me. The anger was showing on her red face and her fear reflected in her eyes.

“Fine. Go and see if I care. Don’t come crying to me when this all comes crashing down on you.” She pointed a finger angrily at me Her eyes were red from holding the tears. I straightened up and stomped off down the street. The tears flowed freely down my face. They left a river of pain. Not a single thought in my mind would calm me down. All I wanted to do was be done. This life was too broken and useless to be used again. I walked on the centerline of the road. A car swerved around me and the driver shouted profanity. I quickly held up my middle finger before they got out of sight. This night was one of the worst. My mind was running out of energy for my anger. I concentrated on walking and never stopping. The rhythm of my bare feet hitting the blacktop was the only noise on the strangely empty street. I looked to the left and saw the playground I had passed what seemed like years ago. Without looking for cars, I dashed to the sidewalk and marched onto the wood chips that covered the playground. Everything was dark. I tripped over some kids lost shoe and landed on my hands and knees. For a minute I didn’t know what happened. My brain went through what happened and squeezed my eyes shut. My screams echoed through the empty playground. The painful wails hurt my throat and tired me out. I collapsed on the ground breathing heavily. Even the darkness got darker. I wanted death. My eyelids were dragged down by my tears. The world knocked me out.

Strong hands held me down as I thrashed. I was scared. The hands were steady and kept me pinned to the ground.

“Millie, stop. Come on wake up!” I froze. Icicles stabbed into my veins painfully. My own disbelief scared me. The hands let me go and I lay there too scared to breathe. I kept my eyes closed. The voice bounced around in my head as questions invaded. How did he find me? Was I kidnapped? S**t I am fucked.

“Ch... Cha... Ch...S**t.” I tried to say his name, but ended up stuttering. The very bones in my body started to shake.

“It’s nice to see you too.” His voice relaxed me surprisingly. I opened my eyes and looked over to where I heard him. He sat on the edge of the bed. It was his bed, but I was too familiar with it to be uncomfortable. His short, black hair was messed up, and all he was wearing was his boxers.

“You could at least be professinal, Chance.” I sat up and smiled at him. Chance looked down and shrugged.

“I don’t need to be until I’m in front of the judge.” Chance was a lawyer and a good one. Even though he went to rock concerts, had tattoos, and piercings, Chance was very good and highly recommended. He stared at me with his sparkling green eyes that always enchanted me. We stared at eachother for a minute before he coughed and looked down awkwardly. I felt bad.

“How did I get here?”

“Amber called me last night completely frantic because you took off in a rage quit on life. She thought you were going to harm yourself. I found you in the park and brought you back here. And you know the rest.” He turned away and walked to his closet.

“Is she mad?” I asked. She rarely got mad, but I knew I went too far this time.

“Pissed.” Chance answered throwing a white shirt, pants, and shoes on the floor. He turned back around and looked at me. His eyes searched up and down my body. I felt a strange breeze tickle my skin. My hands reached down to touch my legs. They were bare and my pants were gone. I gasped. What Chance had said about last night came to me

“Do I want to know the rest? S**t.... Why did I do this?” I brought my legs up to my chest and put my head down. Ashamed of what I had done. Chance sighed and put his arm around me.

“Babe. I really do love you. Just forget everything.” His lips felt warm on my head. I looked up at him reminded briefly of my past problem. He kissed my forehead and I felt a rush of warmth unfreeze my veins. The blood flowed to my face.

“I can’t believe I don’t remember a thing.” I reached up and felt his black, beautiful hair. My hand tingled at the feel of it after so long without it. I actually missed him. Everything I loved about him flowed through my mind like a warm and peaceful river.

“By the way you were screaming my name last night I didn’t think you’d forget it.” I playfully shoved him away and blushed. He laughed and stood up. I hadn’t felt this alive in forever.

“Does this mean we are back together?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He winked at me and pulled his pants up. I was just in my bra and underwear, but for some strange reason I didn’t feel exposed. After spending most of my life with him a year apart didn’t seem to break our bond. I got up off the bed and slowly walked over to him. He was trying to button his pants.

“Here, let me help.” I bent down and grabbed the button on his pants. After I buttoned it I looked up at him. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into him.

“You have no idea how horrible the past year has been.” His arms went around my waist. I stared up into his eyes. Something instantly felt wrong. I bit my lip and looked away. Regret and confusion replaced my happiness.

“You’ve had a horrible year?”

“Well your scars haven’t faded in the past year. If that’s considered horrible then I feel for you.” He gave a small smile and kissed my cheek.

“Chance.” I looked into his eyes.

“Yes honey.” His eyes locked with mine.

“I can’t... Chance, I don’t know about this.” I felt him straighten up. His gaze still lingered on my face. He took one hand and caressed my face gently.

“Honey, I know you’ve just been through hell. But I am here for you. I will go to the ends of the earth to make you happy.” Chance cupped my chin and turned my face up to him. The hole in my chest started to hurt. I gasped at the sudden pain. Chance let go of me and tried to look into my eyes. I stared at the floor and held my stomach.

“I just can’t right now. Chance... I don’t know if I ever will be able to go through this again. Everything just so fucked up.” My eyes welled up in tears. I turned away and sat down on the bed. The room started to spin. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.

“Millie, please. You have no idea what I’ve gone through this past year. Please.” Chance placed his hand on my shoulder. I violently pushed it off and stood up.

“No. I have no idea what you’ve gone through? I have no idea what it is like to be pushed away and beaten by everybody you thought cared for you? You keep telling me about how horrible the past year has been for you. I should be the one talking. Just in the past two f*****g weeks I’ve been through three times the pain you’ve gone through in your sorry, pathetic, little life. I’ve been on the cover of national news stations everywhere. I was made a fool by someone who I thought loved me. And now I have no money, no life, and nobody who understands. So, if I were you I’d shut the f**k up.” He stared at me, his mouth open, and eyes wide. I looked down and pushed him away.

“I’m sorry I upset you... I didn’t know.” He came and stood next to me. His hand on the back of his neck.

“Don’t say you didn’t know. The very moment you heard he was out of the picture you came running to me. And I’m done. I’m leaving.” I glared at him before storming out of his room, on the verge of crying. His heavy footsteps followed me.

“You can’t leave!” Chance yelled behind me. I quickly turned around and growled at him.

“Why can’t I?” I snarled at him. He took a step back in shock.

“Well... You um... don’t have any clothes on.” Chance motioned up and down my body. I instantly felt stupid, but at this moment I didn’t really give a crap. My hands felt my bra and underwear just to make sure they were still there.

“Well, I don’t give a crap.” I turned back around and headed for the front door. He kept on following me.

“Millie, don’t. You’re going to get in trouble. I know this neighborhood. Don’t do it.”

“I’m already in enough f*****g trouble. I don’t care. Leave me be.” I pushed open the front door and walked out onto the sidewalk. It was warm out. The sun beat down on my pale and exposed skin. My name was called several times, but I kept on going. No one seemed to be out. As long as no one saw me I wouldn’t get in trouble. The sidewalk burned my still bare feet. I knew my way back home. The hot cement burned my feet. I started to think about getting shoes as a police car pulled over on the street next to me. My anger and frustration gave me energy to ignore my suspicion and continue walking.

“Hello mam. “ I turned my head and saw the police car roll it’s window down. Two cops sat inside and one started to check me out.

“Excuse me, but I’m afraid we are going to have to talk to you.” The cop in the passengers seat opened his door and hopped out. I stopped walking and stood still.

“Uh... um... Hi.” I was too scared to say any more. He approached me spinning handcuffs on his finger.

“I’m sorry to do this. I mean you are a beautiful girl and everything, but we need to take you in for indecent exposure. Put your hands behind your back.” I did as he said. The cop was young and had a decent face. He grabbed my hands and slapped the cold cuffs on.

“Got ‘er?” The cop who was driving yelled through the window. I took a deep breath. I felt angry at myself. The young cop put his hand on my back and led me to the car. As he led me his hand slid down my back and rested right above my butt. I looked up at him shocked.

“Come on now. We are going to take good care of you.” He opened the car door and pushed me in. I slid across the seat. All of a sudden I was scared. Something inside of me said that everything was wrong. He slammed his door shut and they began driving. The cop driving glanced back and smiled.

“She’s a pretty one ain’t she?” He turned to the young one.

“Oh, I’d agree.”

“So, who was ya runnin’ from cutie?” I closed my mouth and stared at the floor.

“Don’t do that. She’s not going to talk. My name is Tony.” Tony turned around and smiled. He waited a minute for me to respond. When I didn’t the driver chuckled.

“She’s a mute, good. Won’t be hard to keep her mouth shut.” I shuddered and was close to tears. My instincts knew what was going to happen. The way they talked to me sent off all the signals. I knew what they were planning to do. My stomach twisted and turned. I felt the car turn corners and stop at signs. The whole time the cops conversed and I blocked them out. What they were talking about was nothing I wanted to hear. This was not the first time I’ve been in a cop car and I know it won’t be my last. The car took a sharp corner and my head slammed into the window. I felt a bruise form where I hit the window. Once the pain dulled the car stopped. I sat up straight and cleared my face of any emotion. Tony opened my door and grabbed my arm. I let him drag me out of the car. My bare feet felt the hot black top and they screamed in pain. He lead me toward the front door of the police station. I stumbled and Tony laughed.

“Are you sure you’re not drunk?” The older cop opened the door and let us go in. I was placed in front of a row of desks separated by small walls. Only few were occupied by other cops and two other desks had tough looking men standing in front of them. I looked over the desk and the older cop walked up.

“Okay just do everything he tells you. You need to fill out some paperwork and do fingerprints.” Tony unlocked my cuffs and stood behind me. I looked at the other cop waiting.

“What’s your name?” He asked me placing his pen tip on a piece of paper. I decided that I should start talking.

“Millie Hoffman.” I answered. He scribbled it down on the paper. I felt uneasy.

“Do you have anything on you that are sharp or dangerous?” The cop stared at me. I raised my eyebrows and stared back.

“Uh... no.”

“Okay then. Tony pat her down.” He nodded to Tony and smirked.

“With pleasure.” Tony whispered as he placed his hands on my shoulders. I straightened up and closed my eyes. His hands slid up and down my arms. Goosebumps rose where he touched me. He then slid his hands down my back and rested down on my hips. I felt violated. My heart was beating faster as he slid slowly down my legs. He pressed up against me.

“She clear?” The cop asked.

“Yep.” Tony grabbed my arm and set my hand on the table. I almost lashed out as he moved it. My arms were exposed. The cop placed an ink pad and another piece of paper next to my hand. I quickly pressed my fingers on the pad and pressed them on the paper. My arm went to my side as he grabbed my prints. Tony put his hand on my bare shoulder.

“Hold on I’m bringing up your records.” I heard the small click of a keyboard. He looked up at me and raised his eyebrows.

“What’s up?” Tony reached over the desk and grabbed the sheet he was holding.

“You’ve been in for violence and you’ve been on suicide watch before.” The cop stared at me. Tony quickly took his hand off me.

“Give me some clothes for her. You can get dressed in the sobering room.” His voice had changed. Tony sounded more serious. I was handed sweatpants and an orange shirt. He turned me around and pointed to a door on the other side of the room. I quickly walked to the door.

“I got it.” The other cop walked up and unlocked the door. The room was just a small square with a big bench across one wall. It felt cold and lonely inside. They slammed the door shut and put a sheet over the small window. I didn’t feel scared or angry anymore, just tired. The t-shirt was one size too big. I rushed to get my clothes on and leave. A small hole opened up on the door and Tony spoke through it.

“Are you ready?” He asked.

“Yes, sir.” I answered him. My hands went to my sides as the door opened. I took a deep breath and looked at Tony.

“Hands out.” He put the cuffs on my wrists and grabbed my arm. We walked to the double doors that led to the photo booth and eventually to my cell. He pushed the doors open and entered a dull hallway. I was pulled along. We stopped in front of a white door with a giant window. I peered through and saw the camera and the height lines on the wall. The locks clicked and the door swung open. He placed me by the lines and gave me a card to hold. The whole time he was silent. I didn’t mind it, but I didn’t smile as the flash blinded me. The card was taken from me and placed by the camera. He opened the door and we started down the long hall. We passed cells filled with people. Few were banging on the windows and screaming. The others sat with their heads down. I copied them and focused on the plain, white tile floor. We reached the end of the hallway. Tony slid his I.D through a reader and another door opened to a watchmen room.

“What you got there?” An officer stood up from his chair.

“History of violence and has been on suicide watch. In for indecent exposure.” Tony left me and walked to the officer. He handed Tony a sheet of paper.

“Second floor room 77.” He pressed a button and a heavy, metal door slid open. Tony grabbed my arm again, walked me through the door, and up a staircase. We walked down the second floor lane. The whole front that faced the center was blocked off by fence up to the ceiling prohibiting anybody from jumping. I tried to block out the prisoners calls and faces as he led me to my cell.

“Here’s your home for the next three months.” A cell door opened and I stepped inside. I turned around and stared at Tony. He unlocked my cuffs and locked my door. He walked away, but I stared out the bars as it hit me. This was the longest sentence I’ve ever gotten. It’s not like I have anything to make me want to leave. I had nobody who would care if I was stuck here for three months. Amber was mad at me and Chance was pushed away. I cleared my head and surveyed my room. It seemed like any other cell. A small toilet and was all that was really in my room. My hand ran through my now greasy hair. I decided I really needed shower, but instead I choose to lay down on my cot and curl into a ball. The tears flowed like a dam breaking. My body shook as I silenced my screams and sobs. Everything hurt again. And I blacked out.

“Do you want anything to eat?” My eyes flew open. I stared at my open cell door and the woman standing in it. She cocked her head and raised her eyebrows.

“Why?” I asked. The woman rolled her eyes.

“You’ve been here for a week and haven't left your cell. Girl, something is wrong with you.” Her hands rested on her hips. I sat up and stared at the ground.

“Hey, Taboo. Get away from her. She just got bail.” As I looked up the woman smiled and Tony appeared beside her.

“Well you are lucky now.” She walked away.

“Come with me.” I came to Tony and he pointed to the door.

“I’m free?” I whispered.

“As a bird. Now go.” My legs went numb. A part of me liked it here. All alone and nobody to bother me. Everything was so silent in my small cell.

“How?” I asked him. Who would want to pay my bail? Nobody really cared for me anymore. Loneliness was my friend. I stepped out of the cell and looked to Tony.

“You have a loving boyfriend with a ton of cash. He paid in bills.” Tony walked past me and I followed. Boyfriend? I didn’t have a boyfriend. We went through the office and out of the check in room. Warm air hit me as I pushed open the front door. The door slammed behind me and I thought for a moment.

“But I have nowhere to go.” I said to myself. Tony stood in front of me.

“Your boyfriend said he’s picking you up in a second. Good luck.” He handed me my phone and walked back inside. I stood still. Whoever was picking me up lied to a cop. I searched and searched for a person who would do this for me. I shook my head and walked to one of the walls nearby and leaned on it. A person was walking toward me from the other side of the parking lot. I couldn’t see who it was. My heart beat faster as they approached. The sun flashed in my eyes as I squinted to see. I walked forward to get a better look and almost fell over. The urge to run came over me. Pain and fear clawed my heart. My eyes filled with salty tears as he stood two yards away from me. His light brown hair glinted off the sunlight. His hand ran through it and took a step forward. I panicked and took quick steps back, My head hit the wall hard. I felt a bump rise from the back of my head. He walked quickly up to me concern clear on his face.

“Are you ok?” His voice made me gasp. I felt like he had stabbed me. My legs fell from under me. I slid down the wall and curled into a ball.

“Go away.” I screamed as tears ran down my face.

“Please, please don’t cry.” Erin stared down at me squinting his brown eyes. My lips quivered as I tried to speak.

“Why? Just… Just leave me alone! Get out of my head.”

“Millie, just listen to me. Please. I heard you were in trouble and… and I couldn’t just sit there and do nothing.” He put a hand on my shoulder. I jumped up and shoved him hard.

“Who are you to f*****g come back and think you can change everything?! You f*****g disgust me! Get out of here now!” I screamed the loudest I could. My vision was blurry with tears, but I could still see him fighting back his. I wiped my tears and took quick breaths trying to control myself. The hyperventilating made me get a headache.  My hands locked in my hair and I closed my eyes. Pain was taking my body. My heart was being twisted and stabbed.

“I’m sorry. I’m really f*****g sorry for what I did. I still love you. I really do.” Erin took a pain filled breath. I opened my eyes and looked past him. Someone was running toward us. My eyes grew wide as I recognised him. Chance came running at Erin with enough force to knock him to the ground. He pinned him there and Erin tried to struggle free.

“How dare you come here and make my girl cry?” Chance punched Erin hard in the face. I fell back and started to cry.

“You are the one to f*****g blame!” Erin pushed him off and stood up. His shoulders heaved in anger. Chance got up quickly and swung at him. He ducked and gave him a hard blow to the stomach.

“I did nothing but love her!” Chance shoved Erin back.

“You left her!” Erin shoved him back. Their faces were red and Erin's nose was bleeding.

“I would never have betrayed her like you.” He pushed Erin back. Erin stumbled and fell on his back. He sat up and looked at the ground. I tried to control my breathing as Erin looked at me. My breathing slowed as my mind cleared. A moment of realization.

“No. This is so stupid. Both of you are so stupid. I’m done. This time I am completely done with this. No more second chances. I am done.” I clenched my fists and stormed off. I could feel their eyes on my back as I walked through the cars. Even though I had nowhere to go I didn’t care. I Hopped onto the sidewalk and stood next to the road. Cars rushed by me making wind that messed up my hair. Each one went by fast and never looked back at me. I wondered if they could kill me. If I stepped out onto the hard blacktop would the blow end everything? Would it make me free of my pain? My foot hovered in mid-step, ready to walk out into the road and see if it would. I put my foot down and wiped away the hot tears that were still flowing down my face. I needed to get through this and deal with it. The angry screams reached my ears and I glanced back. Erin and Chance were wrestling each other on the black top.

“You f*****g ruined her!” Chance screamed at him. Those two were the things that broke and ruined me. But they both made me feel good. I was confused about what to do with them. My heart can’t take much more of this crap. They made me happy and at the same time make me want to die. I fought back the tears again and composed myself. Three cops came rushing out to break them up. It took them awhile. They held them back and struggled to hold them. Both were screaming and spitting at each other. The police were yelling too. Erin stood still and glared at Chance who was still fired up. The cop that held him let him go and pointed out to the parking lot. He walked toward me instead. I took a deep breath and watched him approach. His footsteps were silent compared to Erin’s whose were heading the other way toward the parked bus. Not a single member of the band came out to help him, but they were attached to the windows. As I studied the bus Chance stopped in front of me. I turned and looked at him. A bruise was quickly forming around his eye and under it a stream of blood from his nose.

“Nice face.” I commented staring at my bare feet. He sighed and came closer.

“I’m sorry you had to see that. Do you need a ride?” I looked up and met a gaze filled with pain and anger. I gave him a sad smile.

“I guess. Thank you.” My feet led me closer to him. He put an arm around my shoulders and led me to his car. It was a red mustang. He loved his car. He opened the car door without a word. I climbed in and fastened my seatbelt. Chance got in and started the car. As we drove down the highway he put his hand on mine. I was distracted by the stuff we passed out the window, but I looked over at his hand on mine. It warmed me up and I almost smiled. He felt me move and gave me a small smile. I got caught up staring at his face. The perfect way his black hair formed on his head, the depth in his eyes, the smooth lips that I’ve tasted so many times. He was perfect. That was how I would describe him. But things didn’t work out in the end. My guilt made me turn away.

“We just can’t sit here and not talk.” He stared ahead and frowned.

“What is there to talk about?” I asked. He sighed.

“What now? What is going to happen to us now?” I felt sadness in his voice. Houses passed by silently. I thought about it.

“I really don’t know.” After minutes of silence, I answered. We pulled in Amber’s driveway. I sat in my seat listening to our breathing.

“Well you better get out. Amber’s worried sick.” He said to me staring out his window. I knew I had upset him. My door opened slowly and I hopped out. I shut it as quick as I opened it. He sat there as I padded up to the door. I hesitated to grab the door handle. A light was shining through the window. Amber was waiting for me. I heard Chance back out of the driveway. My hand grasped the door handle and twisted it. It creaked open and I walked in. The house was quiet. I shut the door behind me and headed to the living room where the light was on. My footsteps were silent. I turned into the living room and two people were hugging on the couch. My eyes grew wide as I watched them stare into each others eyes with undying passion. A needle of pain and longing pierced my heart. I took a deep breath trying to control my feelings. Amber looked away from Zeke and stared at me. I recognized Zeke after Amber looked at me. I took steps back and prepared to run out the door. My breaths started to quicken. Amber stood up and came to me.

“Millie, don’t. I missed you. It’s been a week.” She pleaded for me to stay. I stopped moving and stared off in the distance. Zeke stood up and stood next to her.

“Hey, sup? I saw the fight. It was pretty intense.” He put an arm around Amber’s shoulder. I hated him now.

“F**k you, Zeke.” I snapped at him. He raised his eyebrows. Amber put her hand on her forehead.

“How is this even going to work out? This is going to be impossible.” She looked over at Zeke and frowned.

“Well I’m going to be here for a whole month so she’ll have to deal with it. Anyway I’m not the one who you should be mad at.” Zeke let go of Amber and stared at me.

“If you weren't a douchebag then there wouldn’t be a problem. I’m not  going to deal with this crap.” I turned back to the door and walked out. I just can’t deal with him or his crap. A car was parked on the street in front of the house. A red mustang.

he knew me so well. I heard Amber screaming at Zeke through the door. My hand ran through my messy hair. A small smile appeared on my face as I ran to Chance’s car and hopped in. He looked at me with a smile on his face. I was overrun with feelings as my smile widened.

“I f*****g love you.” I leapt onto his lap and pressed my lips against his. He returned the kiss filled with passion. I turned my head and put my arms around his neck. Chance wrapped his around my waist. Our heads twisted side to side. He bit my lip and I felt him smile. His hand slipped down and grabbed my butt. I slid as close as I could to him in the small car. He leaned forward and my back hit the steering wheel. It honked the horn and I yelped in surprise. We unlocked our lips and leaned against each others forehead.

“I love you too.” Chance kissed me again.

“How did you know I would come back?” I asked him running my hand through his hair.

“I know you too well. I love you too much.” He put his hand on my cheek and I leaned into it. I closed my eyes and put my head onto his shoulder. His breath was warm on my neck. I soaked in his scent. Chance let me go and started the car. He kissed my neck and drove into the street. I kept my head on his shoulder as he drove. My hands slid down to his chest. He leaned his head against me. I felt tired and started falling asleep as we reached the driveway to his house. I felt him pick me up and carry me inside. He struggled to open the door while carrying me, but managed. He set me down on the bed and kissed my forehead and turned the lights off. My lights went out along with them.

“Wake up, babe.” I felt someone poking my ribs.

“No.” I just turned over and ignored him.

“Boy have you lost weight.” He grabbed my sides and I jumped up.

“Leave me alone.” My hand playfully shoved him back. He fell back and spread out on the bed.

“Well, I need to know what you’re going to do today. I have to go to court at 3 o'clock.” He propped himself up on his elbow and stared at me.

“Why do you have to go to court?” I asked. Chance rolled his eyes. His dark hair glinted off the light and I couldn’t stop staring at his bare chest.

“I’m defending a rape victim. I am a lawyer. Remember?” He got up on his hands and knees and crawled over to me.

“Are you sure it’s rape?” I laid down again. Chance crawled on top of me and stared down with a crooked smile on his face.

“It isn’t rape if you like it.” He leaned down and kissed me. I kissed him back playfully. In return he rolled me over so he was below me.

“Who said I liked it?” I laid down on top of him and kissed him. He lock his lips on mine. I felt his arms wrap around me all the way. My hands framed his face as I twisted my head. He moved his hands up and down my back. My hands felt his face. He then stuck his hands up the back of my shirt. It sent a shiver up my spine and made my kisses harder and more passionate. Overwhelmed by the intensity of his touch I lifted my shirt above my head and threw it on the bedroom floor. His touch became more intimate. My head was fuzzy and was focused on one thing. Our breaths quickened. He let me go and reached down to slide off his jeans. I kissed his neck as he fumbled with the buttons. He swore and I laughed. My kisses went down his neck, over his chest and stopped right before his pants. I quickly unbuttoned them and pulled them off. He grabbed me again and pulled me onto him. We rolled around grabbing each other and trying to get our pleasure. Our half naked bodies were twisted together. Held together with love. The moment had happened before, but we were almost married then. We both froze when the doorbell rang.

“I don’t know who that is.” Chance shrugged. The bell rang again and was followed by a muffled yell. I slipped off of Chance and went to the window. Amber stood outside the door. She pounded on the door and screamed my name. I covered my mouth and frowned. Chance came up behind me.

“Who is it?” He asked.

“Amber.” I kept staring out the window. My thoughts were trying to become clear, but his presence made me distracted. I tried to think of what to do. Chance’s lips went from my cheek, to my shoulder, and went back to my neck. He sucked my neck and my arm went around his head. My eyes closed.

“Well I’m not done with you.” He grabbed my waist. I turned to him. His eyes sparkled with mischief and love. I felt a red mark rise on my neck. He kissed my chest right above my breasts. I caressed his cheek and nibbled on his ear.

“I didn’t say you were.” I bit my lip seductively. He smirked and kissed my lips.

“Someone’s bossy.” His arms circled me and threw me onto the bed. I started kissing him all over his face. We went back to where we started off. His hands retraced my body and mapped out each crevice, bump, and curve. I wrapped my legs around his torso. I put my head back onto the pillow. He kissed my neck and shoulders. My mind floated away. The shrill ring of the phone pushed me back into reality.

“S**t.” I cursed as Chance jumped up and picked up the phone. He took a business like tone when he answered.

“Chance Cea of Cea and associates… Oh, hold on.” He rolled his eyes and handed me the phone.

“Hello.” I answered.

“What the hell were you thinking?! You didn’t even let me explain. And then you completely ignore me when I come all the way to his house to talk.” She screamed into the phone.

“Amber just shut up for one second. I’m not coming back. I will not go through with staying in the same house as that dick.” I yelled back at her. She answered with silence. Chance kissed my cheek.

“Fine, you be that way. I understand what Erin did to you was wrong, but don’t push everyone away because of it.” I took a deep breath as the said his name. It still hurt. The line went dead and I listened to the small beeps. Chance took the phone from me and turned it off. I stared at my feet and went over what we said in my mind. I hoped that I hadn't upset her. It’s Zach that she was trying to protect. Chance grabbed my chin and turned me toward him. I stared into his worried eyes. Guilt filled my stomach. To save him from seeing me like this I turned away and covered my face with my hands. Why couldn’t my life just go back to normal?

“Don’t, please.” He scooted closer to me and pressed my head against his chest. The sudden warmth of him let my feeling come out. My tears flowed down my face and onto his bare chest. He stroked my back and whispered soothing things in my ear. I shook with my all too familiar sobs. I continued for a few minutes before calming myself and slowing my breaths. My eyes stung. I nuzzled his chest and separated from him. He was still showing his worry.

“I’m sorry.” I grimaced.  The tears were still there but temporarily held back.

“Don’t be sorry. You’ve been through a lot in the past few months.” He stroked my hair. When he talked about how many months it’s been I remembered something. The fact punched me in the chest and I gasped.

“How long ago did you get in the plane crash?” I asked urgently. He shivered at the memory. Pain flashed in his eyes.

“About three months ago, why?” He tilted his head. My hands went to my face and covered it. I cursed loudly and stood up. I started to pace around.

“S**t s**t s**t s**t s**t. This is not good.” My heart drummed in my chest. Chance came over and hugged me.

“What’s wrong, honey. babe tell me.” He kissed the top of my hair.

“It’s been three months. Three. I haven’t had my period in three months. S**t.” He grabbed my shoulders and put me out to look at me.

“Are you serious?” Fear traced his features.

“Dead serious.” I was speechless at the thought.

“S**t.” He cursed and let me go. His hand ran through his short, black hair.

“I don’t know if I might be.” Tears of fear filled my eyes.

“It’s 2:00. I’m going to get ready to go to court. I’ll stop by a store on my way back and get a test.” He ran to his closet and threw out a suit.

“You do know what this means? Right?” My hands tangled together nervously.

“Yes, and I hope that we find out soon.” He slipped on a shirt and buttoned it. I felt numb. I walked over to the bed and sat down. My breath was slower now than before. All my fears might have come true. The room felt too full. I walked out of the room, down the hall, and into the bathroom. There was a big mirror hanging on the door of the bathroom. I stared at myself in the mirror, and focused on my stomach. My hand felt for a bump of any kind. I thought I felt a rising by my belly, but I wasn’t sure. My arms were thin and my hair was a shiny, dark brown. Was I pretty? The door swung slowly open and I didn’t move as Chance slipped in. He embraced me as I stared at our reflection.

“Please don’t leave me.” I stared at him in the mirror. He gave a sad smile.

“I never said I would.” He kissed my forehead and walked out. I waited and heard him close the front door. My arms held myself together in fear of falling apart. I slid down onto the floor. My body was numb and it was hard to move. All of my thoughts disappeared as I stared at the wall of the bathroom. I closed my eyes and kept my mind blank.

“Wake up, babe.” I opened my eyes. My hands felt the covers of the bed. Chance handed me my bag.

“What’s this?” I shook my head to wake myself up.

“I have to get something from the car. You go to the bathroom and do what you have to.” He dashed out of the room. I slowly got up and shuffled to the bathroom. I stared at the package. In big letters it flashed Guaranteed accuracy. My hands shook as I took it out and took the test. The little trickle of fear clawed at my stomach as I placed the test on the counter. Fifteen minutes seemed like a lifetime. The bathroom was silent as I sat on the toilet cover waiting. I chewed my nails to the point that they bled. My eyes closed trying desperately trying to hold back the flood. This can’t be happening. Never in my whole life did I expect to be taking this test. The clock ticked on slowly. Times up. I jumped up and raced to the counter. My heart beating out of my chest. A big red plus sign stuck out on the end. My world flipped. This can’t be happening. I’m only 26. I clutched my belly as I fell against the wall. My lungs felt like they had collapsed in. I was too scared to cry. A loud sob escaped my chest. I screamed as I fought for breath. The whole in my chest burst open as I sobbed. No. No. No. Chance stormed in. His eyes were wide with fear. He rushed over to me and surrounded me with his body.

“It’s okay. Everything’s going to be fine. We’ll get through this.” He repeated in my ear as I screamed and sobbed. Everything hurt. My body was being torn apart by my sobs. I stuck my face into his chest and breathed him in. A long time passed  before my screams and sobs died down to gasps and tears. I stared up at Chance. His smile was sad.

“What am I going to do?” I squeaked. He arms tightened around me.

“Who do you want to tell first?” He asked. While I was searching for an answer I felt like I had been punched. There was something I hadn’t thought of. Who was the father? All my tears stopped as fear claimed all my emotion. My wide eyes stared up at Chance.

“Who’s is he?” I whispered barely audible. His eyes widened again.

“I guess this is going to be harder than I thought.” He stood up. I followed him and walked into the bedroom. He handed me the phone.

“I guess Amber should know. It’s the least I owe her.” I dialed her number into the phone. The phone rang and rang.

“Hello?” She answered.

“Amber. It’s me.” My voice shook from crying.

“Oh my gods what happened?” She asked worried.

“Amber I’m… I’m.” I choked back a sob.

“Millie, what’s wrong? Tell me!”

“I’m pregnant.” I blurted into the phone. Everything went silent. Chance got up and walked out of the room.

“What?! Who?!” Amber stuttered.

“Who’s what?” Zekes voice sounded in the background.

“She’s pregnant.” She told him.

“Don’t tell him!” I yelled too late.

“Whose is it?”

“I think it’s Erin’s, but I don’t want to tell Chance.”

“Sweetie it’s going to come out sooner than later. I’m coming over immediately. We need to talk.” She hung up and I sat down on the bed. I stared up at the ceiling until I heard a knock at the door. My feet dragged as I walked over to open it. Amber stood there wide eyed.

“Hey.” I greeted her. She grabbed my arm and dragged me to her car.

“You’re coming with me.” She opened the door and shoved me in.

“What’s going on?” I asked as I buckled my seat belt.

“I wouldn’t want you to be around Chance when the results came in. It is Erin’s right?” Her eyes stayed on the road as we sped through the neighborhood.

“Yeah.” My eyes started to sting with tears. The pain just won’t go away. He’s my curse and my blessing. Chance is my angel. I love him.

“Honey, don’t cry. I’m going to make sure you’re safe.” Amber slowed down as we entered our neighborhood.

“Thanks.” We pulled into the driveway. I unbuckled and stared over at the motorcycle next to the car. My eyes widened and my breathing stopped. Amber looked over at me.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“He’s here.” I whispered. Amber got out and raced to my side. She opened the door and pulled me out.

“You have to face him. We haven't told him yet. You need to do that.” Her hand felt cold as she guided me to the front door.

“I just found out an hour ago. How did he find out?” My hands stayed at my sides. Amber opened the door and walked inside. I followed scared and fragile. She dragged me into the living room. Fear tightened around my lungs. I stared into the brown eyes of my curse. My fingers started to clench into fists. He sat up straight and stared back. I took a few steps backwards and felt the wall. Everyone was silent.

“Millie…” Erin started speaking. At the sound of his voice I ran to the front door. My shaking hands missed the handle to open it. I slammed against the wall and slid down to the floor. My arms wrapped around my knees as Amber came running after me.

“Millie! Oh my gods. Don’t do this. He wants to talk to you.” She squatted next to me.

“I can’t. He’s broken me. Do you know what’s he’s done? Everytime I think about him or hear his name. It’s…. It’s like a knife plunging into my heart. His voice is like acid flowing into my ears. I can’t keep dealing with this pain.” I stared off at nothing. Amber sighed and put out her hand for me. I grabbed it and stood up.

“Just think about how he feels. He does care. Give him a chance.” She walked me back into the living room. I stood straight and looked at Erin. The pain creeped into my veins and I winced. He looked up at me. She was right. In his eyes was worry.

“What’s going on. I’m really confused.” He put his hands out and gestured around. My breath burned as I breathed in.

“Erin. I have news.” The way he stared at me when I spoke took me aback. He gave a crooked smile like he just heard the most beautiful thing in the world. My mind blacked. I turned to look at Amber.

“Go on.” She whispered to me. The air filled with suspense.

“I’m… I’m pregnant.” I pushed out. Erin jumped up, fell back on the couch, and covered his face.

“What does this have to do with me?” He asked. I could tell he already knew, but he just wanted to confirm it.

“He’s yours.” My voice cracked. His shoulders heaved as he sighed.

“How do you know it’s not that stupid lawyers?” Erin wouldn’t look up.

“I never slept with him when I was with you.” I protested. He lifted his head up. My eyes looked into his. Zeke got up and walked over to Amber. He grabbed her arm and dragged her into the kitchen. Before she disappeared I saw her shoot me a sympathetic look. I turned back to Erin.

“I don’t know.” He said. His hands clenched. My mouth opened in shock.

“You’re the one you was sleeping around behind my back. Who are you to doubt me? I’m sick of the way you act.” I yelled and snarled at him. My feet hurried over to him and I pointed a finger in his face. A sigh escaped him as he stood up quickly. His eyes stared into mine with a hidden anger.

“You don’t know what it’s like.” Erin’s voice was strong and filled with and emotion familiar to me.

“What?” I snarled. He placed a hand on my face and I didn’t take it off. I felt the warmth in his gaze. My eyes searched angrily for the answer. His bottom lip stuck out a bit as he locked eyes with mine.

“Living without you.” He told me as his face closed the small distance. My body froze as he pressed his lips into mine. I waited a few seconds before I felt his warmth consume me to kiss back. Once I kissed back his lips became more passionate. I wrapped an arm around his neck as his cupped the back of my head. He took a step back and tripped over the couch. I yelped as we fell onto the couch. Him below me. Our eyes shimmered and shined with a brand new love. Amber came running in when she heard my yelp. I turned to her and saw concern turn into a smile. As I looked at her a thought jumped out from the back of my mind. I scrambled off of Erin and covered my face.

“Oh God.” I gasped as I turned to Amber.

“What?” Erin sat up and grabbed my arm. My reflexes ripped it out of his hand.

“Chance. He must be worried sick. I just… Great.” The room went silent. I felt so stupid. It only took a second for my emotions to overflow. I looked over at Erin and gave a shaky sigh as I held in the tears.

“I don’t know what to do. This just got confusing.” Amber placed a hand on her forehead. The room was stuck in a state of confusion.

“What do I do?” I turned to Amber. She looked up with the saddest eyes. My lip quivered from the damned tears. She blinked, looked away, and looked back into my eyes.

“You have to choose. This can’t happen. It’s either Chance or Erin.” Amber sighed. My heart stopped for the moment. I never realised how much I loved both of them. They were both my whole life. I never knew anything else. How do I choose?