La Belle Dame Sans Merci (unsanitised version)

T'was a fbitter chill morn

twixt fall and start o' wint',

the last of the icy leaves

were falling clump, clump

into the leaden bucket wherein

I betimes do relieve myself

outside my bijou elfin grot.

 

I parted my goat hide door

and beheld an ailing knight,

forlorn and lingering there.

What ails thee, I asked

this sorry gent, oh why

loiterest thou paley here

outside my elfin grot,

and, pray, why hast thou

neither burnished armour 

nor Pre-Raphaelite vestment

to keep thy vitals warm?

A long way have I come

in search of a fair lady,
quoth the ailing knight,
they did say to me go forth
and seek ye for thy ailment
la belle dame sans merci,
for she will take thee naked
inside her bijou elfin grot
wherein with no delay,
sweet moan shall she make,
if this be the place and I
be naked and ever ready be.

 

Whereupon did I curse,

spat me a gobbet of baccy

on't foul and filthy ground

and did shrieking loudly bid

the knight turn himself around,

for of the leaden bucket had

I dire and urgent need,

whereupon, being ever so,

oh so pungently relieved,

I lifted up mine eyes and lo!

discoverèd I the ailing knight

had upped an' taken fright.