SCREAMING SPARROW SLURPEE

A Chapter by Mia Sparrow

When Lenny woke up, he saw Alice sitting on a recliner

next to the bed holding a Slurpee for him.

“Hi Lenny. How are you feeling?” she said, handing him the the icy drink .

“I guess I’m alright. What happened?” taking it gratefully.

“You were shot. A bullet missed your heart by inches. You saved Babic’s life.”

“Where am I?”

“You’re at the Serbian Embassy. Guy is alive, too. The bullet only grazed his left temple.”

“What a relief.”

“Lenny. You were willing to take a bullet for the Croatian

Prime Minister and save his dog from being sold to the Yugoslavians which led to the capture of a traitor and killer. You’re an international hero. You are responsible for a truce between the Serbians and Croatians, Lenny. In a single night you saved lives and almost got killed doing it and united two rival countries. The President of the United States is coming to Alaska to present you with a medal of valor. Don’t you understand? You’re no longer just Lenny Longwood, Ph.D. of Astrophysics and librarian from Delaware, pinky toe of America. The ministers are convening right now the the President as mediator.”

He let it all sink in. Just the other night he burnt himself on frozen pizza, crapped in his pants, then was made to eat Serbian food and was attacked by a feral cat. Then the rest. He was feeling good about himself as he sipped his Screaming Sparrow Slurpee.

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© 2015 Mia Sparrow

My Review

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Reviews

S. D. Forogar

I will list the Good and the Bad as per my usual!

The GOOD: I enjoy the dialogue and the author's clear knowledge of her / his own subject matter, and would mark these both as the finer points of the piece. Perhaps my favorite moment pertained to Babic and Radic's intellectual exchange of insults, which clearly expressed the finest moment of this piece as well.

The BAD: After having read through this story in its entirety, I've come to understand a few flaws recognizable from its outset. These pertain, generally, to the level of detail, the 'failed' inclusion of depth (which I will discuss below) and the weakness of the characters.

As far as the detail is concerned, I was unable to see a moment where it was truly impressive. Perhaps the finest moment in this regard occurred in Ch-2, near the end of the story:

"They passed the buffet table and went out on the terrace. *It was a mild night for a February evening. The sky was lit with the phosphorescence of of the aurora borealis. it had the fluorescent spectrum of blues and greens and purples spiraling down behind the mountains and blanketing the horizon with unearthly luminescence. There’s no other way to describe it. Radic had to see it for himself. It was breathtaking. Photographs wouldn’t do it justice.*" Ch-1, Par. 32 full (section within asterisks).

This stood alone as the only moment in which the author deemed detail to be necessary, and I would have preferred to "see" a great deal more of this world as it was seen in the mind of the author.

As far as the "failed inclusion of depth" is concerned, I mainly point to the conflict and the characters themselves. Any traits the latter possessed were revealed through narration, which is never a good thing to do as it pertains to characterization. We the audience learn of Lenny through his own recollections of his past, usually while he's alone and has no reason to prompt his memories in such a way, and of ALL other characters what depth they have is told to us rather hastily and redundantly.

With the conflict, I found that there seemed to be very little planning put into it, and as well only learned about it through a sort of "spoken exposition." It was poorly-imparted, and I would very much enjoy seeing some foreshadowing techniques of an impending conflict and climax.

The above point ties in with the character strength, as well, in that because the conflict was so poorly-constructed, the characters themselves had to be generic matches to the roles they all had to play. Lenny was a gullible fool caught up in an unknown mess of political assassinations, Serena was a traitorous woman without any real reason for her actions other than to be traitorous, and Babic and Radic were simply heartless politicians who only helped those who've served them prior. Surprisingly, the only character I enjoyed was Kovic, simply because of his actions towards Serena. This begged to understand just why he would act in such a way, but unfortunately this is not revealed.

In conclusion, I was not fond of this piece. It simply was not allowed to flourish, and just seemed far too hastily put together to allow for anything but the slightest of a tale to be told.

Posted 9 Years Ago

I will list the Good and the Bad as per my usual!

The GOOD: I enjoy the dialogue and the author's clear knowledge of her / his own subject matter, and would mark these both as the finer points of the piece. Perhaps my favorite moment pertained to Babic and Radic's intellectual exchange of insults, which clearly expressed the finest moment of this piece as well.

The BAD: After having read through this story in its entirety, I've come to understand a few flaws recognizable from its outset. These pertain, generally, to the level of detail, the 'failed' inclusion of depth (which I will discuss below) and the weakness of the characters.

As far as the detail is concerned, I was unable to see a moment where it was truly impressive. Perhaps the finest moment in this regard occurred in Ch-2, near the end of the story:

"They passed the buffet table and went out on the terrace.  *It was a mild night for a February evening.  The sky was lit with the phosphorescence of of the aurora borealis.  it had the fluorescent spectrum of blues and greens and purples spiraling down behind the mountains and blanketing the horizon with unearthly luminescence.  There’s no other way to describe it. Radic had to see it for himself. It was breathtaking.  Photographs wouldn’t do it justice.*" Ch-1, Par. 32 full (section within asterisks).

This stood alone as the only moment in which the author deemed detail to be necessary, and I would have preferred to "see" a great deal more of this world as it was seen in the mind of the author.

As far as the "failed inclusion of depth" is concerned, I mainly point to the conflict and the characters themselves. Any traits the latter possessed were revealed through narration, which is never a good thing to do as it pertains to characterization. We the audience learn of Lenny through his own recollections of his past, usually while he's alone and has no reason to prompt his memories in such a way, and of ALL other characters what depth they have is told to us rather hastily and redundantly.

With the conflict, I found that there seemed to be very little planning put into it, and as well only learned about it through a sort of "spoken exposition." It was poorly-imparted, and I would very much enjoy seeing some foreshadowing techniques of an impending conflict and climax.

The above point ties in with the character strength, as well, in that because the conflict was so poorly-constructed, the characters themselves had to be generic matches to the roles they all had to play. Lenny was a gullible fool caught up in an unknown mess of political assassinations, Serena was a traitorous woman without any real reason for her actions other than to be traitorous, and Babic and Radic were simply heartless politicians who only helped those who've served them prior. Surprisingly, the only character I enjoyed was Kovic, simply because of his actions towards Serena. This begged to understand just why he would act in such a way, but unfortunately this is not revealed.

In conclusion, I was not fond of this piece. It simply was not allowed to flourish, and just seemed far too hastily put together to allow for anything but the slightest of a tale to be told.

Rating /100