How I Really Feel

You know what I really feel?

I think she is more suitable to be your partner than me.
I see the way when you were with her, and I feel guilty that I had to be jealous. You were so happy, carefree, and you laugh alot. The whole corridor lit up when you were joking with her. And you have the same hobbies, like the same drinks- the unhealthy coke zero. I wish I could create the same chemistry, but I can't. And perhaps no matter how hard we try, we never can..

You were atttacted to my looks. But have you seen my face without makeup? Have you seen my bare face that is red and uneven? You called me sweet cheeks, but I see imperfections on my cheeks. I see blackheads, acne scars and excess oil. I know you've seen all these, and I can feel you drawing away from me, perhaps just slightly, but it crushed me all the same. And you never say it, but I can see it in your eyes, and it is more painful unspoken..I am quite insecure as you may have known, and I only let the tears fall when I'm alone

And you know what I really feel? I think our goals do not match. Growing up in church communities had made me adopt extreme values of humanities. I want to make a difference in this world, I want to make the world a better place. You make fun of the Aborigines; my heart is stirred with compassion for them. Only crazy people dare to dream such dreams and I am still dreaming. I have been crazy for most of my life, and you know that. And I know your dreams. You dream of wealth, prestige and prosperity. You want to drive expensive cars, live in a big luxurious house and you want kids, daughters you prefer more than boys. Because you've never had a sister. Your mum was very strict with you, and you hate her, but you can't not love her, because she's your mum. I had thought about those dreams. But I've tasted something better. I find more value in helping those in need and less fortunate, it gives me great joy to be able to help others, and that is what I want to do, perhaps through counselling work, helping people achieve personal growths in life. And being with people whom I love and who loves me back, it's worth far more than any precious stones or riches of this world..

Can we still stay together? I don't know. I really don't know. I just feel lonely and hurt now, because I need alot of attention. But what I know is that I have loved you. I hope you had felt it. And just good night, for now. Good night..

Reviews

[Willow Clark]

I see a strong connection between you and this piece.

[Frank]

Teenager speaking about her obsession with looks and relationships, longing for a mate who loves, cherishes and finding just raw callow youths who love red shiny cars and don't quite meet up to her sanitised head-in-the-clouds puffy wuffy world of perfection.

I remember a nineteen year old telling me how beastly it was for an old man (45) to be allowed in college who didn't shave every day and wore tattered jeans and of how his breath smelled of yuck! And how the beastly man would leer (smile) from the common-room lounge with his yellow stained cigarette teeth! And her mother looking pityingly at her sensitive and sweet child wondering where she had gone wrong.

A five year old crying at the death of her hamster had more reality.

But, full marks, it does reflect reality of the situation, western children are spoiled brats... on the whole.