My Husband

We met not so long ago, and a year or so later we became husband and wife. It was a "crush at the first sight" for me, but maybe not so for you.

You swept me off my feet with your charm and kind manners the first the I met you. We were working in a restaurant and that's the place we met. I was still bruised and traumatised by my first and previous relationship where the breakup reason was a lie, an excuse, and it was making me hard to move on, and I struggled on, dealing with the breakup, trying to cope with the ever-so-painful feelings of loneliness. The pain made me gasp as I lied on the bed alone at night, wishing there's a lover lying next to me, accompanying me to sleep, and I would slumber in his arms till morn..

I was struggling with that pain, along with the stress of being fired from my usual job, I had to support myself while I look for another work, so I decided to look for a quick job in a restaurant. The feeling of failure still lingering in the mind, burdening my heart.. And then I met you.

I had been and was a happy satisfied fulfilled single person before I had my first relationship. Having been turned down a few times by men who did not reciprocate my feelings, I'd come to terms with being single and are ready to spend the rest of my life as a single and happy person, devoting my life to my career, and let this heart that used to yearn and bleed come to a state of peacefulness and serendipity. But I met my first lover and he showed me what it feels like to be in a relationship. Like giving me a piece of delicious chocolate cake and not letting me have more, I was hooked and I craved for more.. But he cruelly took the 'slice of heaven' away and depraved me from it, leaving me alone, hurt, angry and sad, almost dysfunctional. I was forced to look to other men for hope..for love..for nurture and healing..

I had tried praying and seeking God, the higher power and compassionate one, for relief, for guidance, to move on, to be whole again.. Perhaps I was still lonely..

And then I met you, the one who somehow becomes the husband of my life.. Our struggle was not simple..

I'm better off with you darling, than being alone by myself.. But I'm also not my happiest state.. Is this what marriage is? Nothing is perfect. I enjoy the companionship, but at times it's frustrating. But I wouldn't trade you for being single again.. Even though there may not be any exchange of words while we watch the tv, but I still find it better than being single..

I was very enamored by your good looks, tall height, and skinny sexy packaging. But after a while did I become accustomed to it such that my heart does not beat faster anymore when I look at you?

I think I love you alot, I am willing to sacrifice everything for you.. But will this passionate love change over time? I worry when I think about it, I try not to think about it..

I often see a tight expression on your face. Many things I did seem to annoy you. Sometimes in your anger you yelled and screamed at me. You had hit me before as well, though very rare, and the shock from the physical contact always brought me to silence, and to a standstill. It made me froze, and ponder what made you became so angry. I've never judged you for hitting me. I understand you must be extremely angry about something for you to hit me. I was never saddened or pained by your use of hand, I completely understand you feeling angry. And I pondered what have I done and how you might have thought or feel to be so angry.

You are a tough man. I had mistaken your personality as someone who can yield to me, hence bringing us to a couple of conflicts. But when we go for our honeymoon, I realised that your core is made up of material stronger and sturdier than mine. I have to be the one to yield and let you be the boss in our relationship..

I've learnt the lesson.. I hope I will always remember this and submit to you and serve you. As I honour my vow to you, I hope and pray to God you would also do the same. I trust you, and I love you. Sorry for the many times I doubted you and questioned your loyalty because of my insecurities and trauma. I love you and I want to be with you always baby.. Happy valentine's my dear husband.
PS I love you.