On This Solitary Night

On this lonely night
I can't quite call it solitary, isn't it?
Because I'm not alone
I have my lover with me
But we're not exactly in the same room
He's spent the past hour in the bathroom
And as I started to pen this down
I finally heard the shower running

My mother suspected him
To still be on drugs
Because he'd spent so much time in the bathroom
He said his stool is hard
It'd take him ages to force it out
As you can tell he's quite humorous guy
Which got me scared at the same time
Won't many girls fall for this guy?

He's tall and on the skinny side
He's got a good frame
He's popular with girls
And know how to work them
That's why I fell for him in the first place, of course
But with the pain of betrayal from my ex lingers with a scar in this wounded heart
I just don't know what to think
Sometimes paranoid thoughts would hit me like a ton of bricks
Without any filtering it causes havoc and arguments in our relationship
Yet I beg him again and again to forgive me
Even though it's not entirely my fault
I've thrown away my ego with him long time ago
People may call me pathetic if they found out
But I guess that's the way I am
A fool willing to sacrifice everything anything for love

Which reminds me
I used to want to sacrifice everything for this certain boy
Willing to go to whichever country he chooses
But he doesn't want to burden me with this sacrifice
And he backed out
Maybe I still hated him for it
But then I realised maybe that's love instead

I used to have dreams
Of what