Out Cold

About a sleeping child on a cold winter night

 

the snow piled up outside the door last night

i had to throw my whole body against it

and barely it budged with each force

the sill was frozen all the way ground up

flakes filtered in from the north when the door opened

and i turned quickly to see if you woke

but i'm not sure that you even stirred

the wind carried the white in with a rush

as close as five inches from your face

but you didn't even feel the frost

in your deep, warm slumber

 

outside my feet burned and ached

for the flames of the fireplace i left behind

i knew you were in a cocoon i wouldn't dare break

i envied you for the first time ever

until i walked back up to the cabin

with my hands full of musty, damp wood

soaked through with the remains of the night's flurry

 

i opened the door, careful not to wake you

you were laid out just as you were when i left

the sheets around your sweet face were still damp

from the snowflakes i had blow in a halfhour before

i touched your cheek so carefully

my hand a frozen monster to your breakable skin

you sighed and i let you go on with peace

you deserved it somehow and

i began to throw the kindling into the fire.

Reviews

[Emily Rose]

Oooh. The imagery in this poem is very compelling - it provides a great snapshot of an experience and it makes me feel like I'm there watching it happen.

This is a personal preference of mine, but I think this poem might be a little easier to read (and more effective in general) if you put some more punctuation marks in to guide the reader. That's just a preference thing though :-)