An Open Letter to The One That Got Away

Hi-

You're probably wondering why I didn't take the time to say "happy birthday" to you at midnight since I've been doing it ever since I was a freshman in high school, but my answer is simply because you've never said it to me once, at any time of the day. And, as a budding adult, I've realized that I don't have time anymore to swoon over something tentative, dead, unresponsive, and maybe even imagined. You don't know how many poems I've written about you, but if I were someone else, you might be impressed - and that is a sickness of its own.

I've exhausted the scenarios in my head, I'm tired of having the same conversation, and it makes me cold through to my stomach knowing you only want one thing from me now. Not that I didn't expect it, but I also expected something somewhat more mature from you. As with everything fiction, I was let down by a twist in the end.

Looking back on everything I can't imagine what might have possessed me to be enthralled by someone so obsessed with his own reflection, and I realize that maybe I was in love with it too. That was an idea I'd never had on my own since I couldn't even look at my own self. Your god complex knocked me flat on the ground and perhaps it was only a matter of time for me to realize how petty everything was - not just that you sent me what you did. 

I'm disappointed at my realization of what we became, because I was always proud of my ability to never let anything go. I was proud of my stupid fascination I maintained for five years, proud of something so precious to me, only to be let down by the biggest and baddest force I would ever in my eighteen years experience - my own self. I don't know if it's because of the hours swapping my emotions so harshly, or the minutes I've wasted staring at the same spot on the ceiling because I don't feel real or alive, but I know for sure that the last thing I would ever want is to stare at your huge, idiot blue eyes for the rest of my life. I think it would be hell, and I think it would be like waking up to the oldest joke in the world every morning.

I don't wish you the worst and I don't wish you to be alone for the rest of your life, but what I do hope is for any other heartbroken, naive, fourteen-year-old-product-of-divorce to never fall in love with someone that never thinks twice about her, and never takes the time to make up so much as a playful analogy about the way her hair falls, or the way she looked at him in the dimly-lit concert hall. I hope she grows strongly and never trusts her stupid heart to guide her where she needs to go - every path has taken me to one evil consequence or another. Naivety will always be my downfall.

Sincerely,

The One That's Letting Go

Reviews

[Leo Allen]

This was absolutely beautiful and refreshingly raw. I loved your writing style - it was unpredictable yet easy to follow. Though I find it strange to say this when considering the topic just written, keep it coming!

[scarlynn]

Thank you so much! That really means a lot - I've been working very hard to figure out a style and though it's still in progress, it's lovely to hear comments like this. Thank you :)