chapter 1: fantasy

Mohammed has always lived a life full of struggles but nothing could brace him for the impact that meeting just one person would cause.

The soft voice of a girl echoed through the depths of despair and darkness as an Indian teenage boy wearing a red Selvedge Denim Jacket and slim light blue Levi pants lay limp on the cold icy ground.

“Moh…” it said almost in a sweet whisper with the slightest hint of affection.

The boy remained unconscious and unaware of what was going on around him. Many moments passed before it persisted again louder.

“It’s time to wake up…”

The ground began to rumble mildly. He opened his eyes slowly and groggily as though he was awakening from a deep slumber. The rumble ceased and in its place was silence as he struggled to get to his feet; due to a combination of the extremely cold temperatures and the shallowness of the air, no matter how hard he tried, the boy could only manage to get to one knee; he then began to turn his head, weakly searching for the voice that was echoing throughout the room.

“Why did you do this to me Mohammed; how could you be so cruel.” It said in a mocking sneer that was ice cold and ominous.

“Wh...Who are you?” the boy gasped out trying to hide the feeling of unease that was beginning to overtake him and ignoring the question entirely. “And what do you want from me?!?”  

All that could be heard was his labored breathing for just a fleeting moment before it was overshadowed by hysterical laughter. Mohammed just clenched his fists feeling powerless, waiting for an explanation of where he was and who was making a fool of him. Suddenly the laughter ceased.

“You really don’t remember me do you?”  It said in a sick tone full of hate.

Startled from the power of its words, Mohammed backed up slightly; he realized that things were going downhill and fast so he looked down at his feet, opting to say nothing, trying to think of a way out the mess he was in. This only proved to enrage the entity further as the ground began to quake once more with building intensity, throwing Mohammed off balance onto his back and causing crystal clear clusters of ice to form, sharp as knives all over the area.

“You don’t understand how much I despise you; you never did and I don’t think you ever will, however, I refuse to let you die without suffering the way I always have. You will feel pain and once I’m done with you, you’ll wish you were in hell.”

It suddenly began to chant as Mohammed grunted and forced himself to his feet.

“இந்த நித்திய துன்பத்தை இருப்பது சபிக்க, அவரது விதியை தீர்மானிக்கும் என்று இருள் சோதனைகள் மூ™ம் அவரை வைத்து. உள்ளே வெளியே இருந்து மெதுவாக அவரை கொ™்™, நாம் மீண்டும் சந்திக்க மட்டுமே அவரது மரணம் அனுமதிக்க”

Damn what’s it doing now? Mohammed thought with his heart racing.

The clusters of ice then began to rise off the ground and levitate around him; a strangely sick black aura engulfed them as his reflection became clear as day. Mohammed saw himself shaking uncontrollably with cold sweat trickling down his face; he couldn’t get himself to move.

“Till we meet again” it said once again in a gentle tone before the crystals shot forward.

With nowhere to run, Mohammed put his hands to his face in a vain effort to defend himself from being pierced, shutting his eyes hoping to make it all disappear. It did.

            He sat up and began panting, unable to shake what he had just experienced.  His bed was an even bigger mess than usual and he noticed that his second blanket he kept under his head while he slept just in case he felt the least bit cold was across the room by his door. It had felt so real and unlike most other dreams, he had remembered all the details so vividly.

 “Why does this have to happen now, the night before I start my first day of high school?” he whimpered. “I guess I’m just so nervous about tomorrow, that stuff like this is bound to happen.” Mohammed took a deep breath crossed his arms behind his head and laid back down on his pillow, closing his eyes to go back to sleep. Tommy I need your strength more than ever now, please guide me through this.” He thought before drifting back to sleep.

            The sun had barely risen when Mohammed woke up once more, rubbing his eyes, stretching, and yawning, the fact that it was the first day of school was now fully sinking in as he could no longer sleep until noon. Oh my god I can’t do this, I just can’t... he glanced over at his clock and realized it was seven A.M, “but I have to” he mumbled begrudgingly before slowly easing himself on his feet out of bed. Mohammed struggled but managed to get himself ready for school, trying to leave as soon as possible before he changed his mind and went back to sleep. He slung his book bag over one shoulder and took his keys from the kitchen table; I hope the house doesn’t get too lonely while I’m gone. Giving a sad smile he marched out the door on his way. Walking down the streets of the Bronx always made Mohammed slightly happier than normal, even though it did have a bad reputation with gangs and drug dealers, this was Mohammed’s home, all he ever knew, to him the Bronx was beautiful in its own way even if most couldn’t quite see it. Things had improved massively over the years and overall the Bronx was a safe enough place to live in as long as you knew where to go and where not to. This must be Hostos Lincoln Academy. Mohammed thought while standing on the stairs leading to the moderately tall brown building with air conditioners sticking out of multiple windows. Mohammed walked inside and noticed that the school was rather quiet for the first day, all that could be heard were the security guards talking to each other about stuff he could care less about. “I guess this is what jail is like” he sighed to himself and spoke to one of them who kindly directed him to the auditorium where all the other students were. The auditorium was a fraction larger than what he was use to after middle school, sporting rows of brown tightly packed chairs that squished students together during meetings and events. Mohammed was taken to a seat in the middle row of the auditorium and sat down. He glanced to his left and saw that he was sitting next to muscular Dominican boy with curly black hair. He doesn’t look too bad; maybe I should try to be friends with him. Mohammed took a deep breath and smiled.

“Hey, how are you?”  

The boy looked back at him impassively, “I’m fine, you?”

“I’m alright; this is my first day here so I’m just a little nervous, I don’t know anybody and I was wondering if you could show me the ropes?”

The boy looked slightly amused. “Sure.”

Mohammed counted his blessings in his head. “Awesome! My name is Mohammed Mehdi by the way, nice to meet you umm…”

“Andrew Ramirez”

 “Andrew Ramirez.” Mohammed repeated, making a mental note to remember his name at all costs. “Well, is there anything about the school that I should know about?”

Andrew closed his eyes in thought for a moment then he glanced around and pointed to a girl a few rows ahead of them and began speaking.

“You see that girl over there? Her name is Breianna Castora. Everyone around here calls her a demon, they say she participates in black magic and has attempted to kill her ex boyfriend in the past. You should stay away from her if you don’t want to make any enemies.”

Mohammed looked at her and was stunned. She was beautiful. She had flawless light skin without a single blemish, light brown curly hair that extended past her shoulders. He couldn’t see her face but Mohammed couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Andrew kept speaking.

 “Hostos is a very boring school and nothing goes on around here, no fights, no troublemakers, well with a few exceptions…and the work is easy. You shouldn’t have any problems.”

Mohammed had already stopped paying attention and was still staring at the beautiful girl he was warned about. I wonder if she really is evil, she doesn’t look like she is, maybe if I go talk to her we can be friends...  suddenly she turned her head and looked back at him. Her mouth was so full and luscious and eyes were light blue and deep, almost radiating sadness. They stared at each other curiously for what seemed like forever before Andrew snapped him back to reality.

“Are you even listening to me…?” he said slightly annoyed.

“Of course I am.” Mohammed smiled slightly. “But I was just wondering about Breianna. She doesn’t seem like a bad person.”

“Why because she’s hot?” Andrew sighed.

Mohammed taken aback by Andrews brazen remark turned a bright shade of red.

“I wouldn’t say that…there’s just something about her that seems different.” He retorted defensively.

Andrew grinned. “That is really cliché”

“Maybe but it’s the truth!”

Starting to become flustered, Mohammed looked back at Breianna who was now too busy reading a book to notice him. He was being honest when he said it wasn’t her looks that attracted him to her, well at least not alone they didn’t, in any case; something was compelling about her but he could not quite put his finger on it. Just then, a middle aged man with a grey mustache wearing a blue collar uniform and khaki pant came onto the stage and the audience hushed.

“That’s our assistant principal, Mr.Merano.” Andrew whispered. Mohammed nodded in understanding and focused his attention on the stage. He played with the microphone for a moment then began to speak in a slow, clear, loud voice that rang throughout the auditorium.

“Good Morning and welcome back students, thank you for your patience. As this school year begins at Hostos Lincoln Academy, we as educators, have certain goals we wish to achieve. We want to guide and support you as your life begins to change dramatically right before your eyes. We want to give the gift of knowledge to every child in this community and we wish to help them grow and succeed in ways unimaginable. We want to offer you all a second home free from discrimination of any kind. And we wish to come together as a family to take the steps necessary to make everything you wish for a reality. Remember: “Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.”

Author's Note

I hope you all enjoyed chapter 1, it's my first attempt at writing something like this and i would appreciate as much feedback and criticism as you can give! it was a little short, but that's because it was essential i stopped it where i did and i guarantee the chapters ahead will be much longer.

Reviews

[WyndnWatr]

You do not need criticism, you need encouragement. Keep writing. The "tone" and "voice" were authentic and sounded slightly above the youth or tween genre that some might put it in. Just keep writing. Everything else will take care of itself.

[michael.c.m]

Not too short, but technically well-written and composed. I think the difference between poets and story-tellers is that poets suffer from attention-deficit-disorder. :). I thought the dialogue was well-conceived and sounded natural. This can evolve into quite a story. Look forward to more...

[Shanil Mehdi]

thank you! I think you're right about the attention-deficit-disorder too haha. I tried to make things as realsitic as possible and i'm happy you thought it came out that way. i'll update as soon as possible! :D

[Trestababy]

Hi, I think you are right and stopped at a good point. But remember there are no rules for lengths of chapters. It's your choice.

[Shanil Mehdi]

I know, you're right about that, I guess I just thought my chapter was a little short haha but i see now that it isn't. :) thank you.

[ayosonolowo]

This was really nice
i like the quot in it and
the description as well
really nice one

[Shanil Mehdi]

thank you so much! :D

[Sapphire Naylor]

It was good! The way you described the dream made you feel like you were actually there. I'm defiantly interested in finding out what happens next. That last paragraph when you quote, I would suggest putting apostrophes because the speaker is speaking the quote. Can't wait to read more!

[Shanil Mehdi]

Thank you so much and I'll edit that as soon as possible,thanks!

[Parrish Arquette]

This is really great! I love the foreshadowing in this, the way you can guess that something big is about to happen from Mohammed's dream in the beginning. I look forward to further chapters from you, send me a read request when you post!

[Shanil Mehdi]

Something big is gonna happen alright! Thanks for the praise, i will send you a read request when i figure out how to do that. :P

[poetdoug]

I think you have an excellent command of colorful and dramatic words. I like many of the ones that you used in your writing like "Sneer , compelling and whimpering." They are fresh and alive. I will look forward to your next chapter my friend. Onward to the Prize!

[Shanil Mehdi]

Thank you for the kind words, they mean a lot. I will try to get the next one up as soon as possible!

[Jamal]

ok, first off, the Character's name was very off-putting (please don't ask why), I can honestly say I had my doubts about this but now that I've read I realized I was judging the book by the cover. very good work. keep it up.

[Shanil Mehdi]

Thanks a lot! i appreciate the honesty and the words of encouragement. I'll try my best.