Assurance

I was so mesmerized

so intrigued

You are everything I asked for

You seem to have it all figured out

You know what you want & are wise about it.

I feel like such a little girl around you,

not knowing what to say or do.

Afraid of sounding stupid 

Fearful of you thinking I was insignificant.

so I remain silent

but I love listening to you.

The way your eyes sparkle as you talk about God

so passionate

so enthusiastic.

I love it.

I thought I was mistaken

I thought I was wrong

But God reassured me.

He put you in my life for a purpose

but I feel that you are too good for me. 

I'm afraid of getting rejected.

I like when I'm needed

I want to feel useful 

but it seems like you don't need me at all...

I dont know what to do so I don't do anything at all.

I see you looking at me

but I turn away.

Thinking that you can do better.

I pray & ask God to make the pain go away.

How can missing someone hurt this bad.? 

We barely know each other yet, 

it's like i've known you my whole life.

I don't want to hurt you;

I always seem to hurt everyone I care for.

I push him away but at the same time I want him

not physically but mentally.

He may not need me but I might need him. 

I close my eyes & whisper to the Lord

"What is this feeling? Lord, I'm afraid.

I put it all in your hands.

Amen."