Fun short lived

Enough with the emotional self inflicted pain
With the drama
With hoping for "one day..."
Cease it all.

I use to get my kick from all that
I loved setting myself up to fall.
The rush was like none other
I can see it now.

It was all fun and games
Happiness short lived
But when the people are gone
My regrets start to sink in.

I was "in love" with a boy for years
I convinced myself we were meant to be
It's not as if he really broke me...
I just used him as a tool
To break myself.

I used people thinking I was helping them.
Thinking I was superior
That I overcame my self mutilation...
I was just feeding it.

All these years waiting to become a mother
To be a wife.
I never once thought about who I needed to become.
A child should not have a child.
I am still a child.

I thought I changed
I thought I matured
For a while I did.
Then I distracted myelf.

I Tried to help someone
Thinking I would know better
I didn't realize I'm probably more messed up than they are.
Now, I see clearly.

There are certain people in life that God gives you.
They are there to help, protect, guide and even love you when needed
And there are people who are just there as lessons.
I sometimes it is hard to tell.

I know that life is a tough
But when you are at your lowest
The people that kick you to try to get to get up
Are the ones who love you the most.