Past

I saw my past,

Through a window pane,

It stared back at me,

Leaving me in vain

Reviews

[Tony Jordan]

This has so much potential.
The first three lines are really good but the last word seems shoehorned in for rhyming expediency which is a real shame.
I'd rather see the last word really make me go Wow! than perfect rhymes that leave the reader deflated.
What was it that you were trying to convey in line 4?
How about "Broken with pain... " (play on the words 'broken' and 'pain/pane')

[iamshadowine]

thank you!! :D

[Giulia King]

Wow, powerful piece!! Amazing!

[iamshadowine]

thank you! :D

[R J Askew]

I saw my past and went to be with it. But it was unsettled and ran at my approach. I cried, 'Stay! Don't leave me like this!' But leave it did.

[iamshadowine]

Thank you!!

[Michelle Rachel]

You're lucky. Not many people can say that....

[iamshadowine]

Thank you!

[Aries1984]

A good phrase to live by goes like this:

"Stop looking back at your past, you're not heading in that direction."

[iamshadowine]

true indeed! thank you :)