drowning

uh yeah. thoughts?

I'm drowning
but there's no water
no liquid to engulf my lungs
no silence to fill my ears as I wait patiently for the end

I'm drowning
drowning in the world
drowning in the expectations of parents
drowning in the drama of friendship
drowning in the stress I put upon myself to be what everyone wants me to be
drowning in the pool of self pity I seem to wallow in

I'm drowning
but there's no water
no liquid to engulf my lungs
no silence to fill my ears as I wait patiently for the end

instead, I'm drowning
and I can't get out
I can't surface to inhale sweet needed air
I can't doze off into the afterlife, if there is one
all I can do is drown
laying there immobilized

I'm drowning
but there's no water
no liquid to engulf my lungs
no silence to fill my ears as I wait patiently for the end

I'm drowning.

Reviews

[The Analog Kid]

I like the repetition and the use of "engulf." Try breaking up the lines a bit. This will help with some of the abrupt phrasing. With a little tweaking, I can tell you will be a great poet!

[Just Me]

nice detail. good job

[joshua deathdealer]

Excellent expression. Love it.

[Tkess]

I agree with silly monkey, this does seem like therapy, which is good. It's nice to have an outlet to just vent and get things off the chest. The flow seems a bit choppy in places, however I do like the second stanza with the repeating word drowning. I also like the repeating "I'm drowning" stanza which I think fits in with the poem.

[RAWR!]

this is one of those pieces thats really more therapy then art(please note that im not saying that this is not art), a way to get a handle on emotions.
dont worry though, sooner or later you will reach the surface to get some air :) hard as it might seem.
have a nice day and thanks for sharing!

[Knoxxeh]

There are mistakes but all easy fixes the flow was nice this sounds like more of a short song type of poem but good one

[TheElfPrincess]

Good, very descriptive and a good flow and format. Well penned, I liked it.