Suicide Tsunami: Vol One: 13 Poems: Guilt & Suffering Endured By Those You Leave Behind

Title says it all: Suicide Tsunami: Vol One: 13 Poems: Guilt & Suffering Endured By Those You Leave Behind ... Suicide is an irreversible mistake!

Suicide Tsunami

Written By Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Copyright © 2024 Marvin Thomas Cox

DBA: Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

All Rights Reserved

Volume One: 13 Poems:

Guilt & Suffering Endured By Those You Leave Behind

This work represents a compilation of poetry

based upon the muse and inspiration

of, all too tragic, true life events.

For Melanie and Mel

May they truly rest in peace

Suicide Tsunami

“There no greater anguish, any human being can suffer,

than being, helplessly, swept away, by a Suicide Tsunami,

of losing someone, they loved dearly, to that irreversible act,

of taking their own lives.” -- Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Page 2

Suicide Tsunami

Volume One Table Of Contents

Missing Melanie …...3

Twenty Six She'd Be …... 4

One Text Too Many …... 5

Two Months …... 6

Cold In The Cup …... 7

Where Once I Saw Your Face …... 8

When Suicide Lays A Friend's Daughter To Rest …... 9

Within Her Eyes Her Smile Her Laughter Sweet …... 10

Why Awaken? …... 11

All Alone In The Crowd …... 12

Here Alone …... 13

Author's Note of Disclaimer …... 14

Page 3

Missing Melanie

Seems that missing Melanie,

is what I do best,

from my first waking moment,

'till I lay my head to rest.

To remember her eyes, her smile,

the joy of her laughter.

memories I will so greatly cherish,

here to ever after.

I loved Melanie so much, so dearly,

and so my tears fall.

a life here without sweet Melanie,

is simply not life at all.

Life must go on, that's what they say,

I must give it a try.

just know I will love you Melanie,

'till the very day I die.

(Written November 1^st, 2012)

Page 4

Twenty Six She'd Be

As numbing doubts assail me,

Cast adrift in an endless sea,

Lost within shadows silence,

Heart torn asunder in violence.

I seek from you yet an answer,

As one within a fire a dancer,

Sobbing screaming a wailing,

The ship of truth never sailing.

Why is it that she's gone away,

Someone's sickly idea of play,

Stealing life so young so sweet,

Torn prey beneath a lions feet?

What secret words were uttered,

As her bread you aptly buttered,

Feeding her your serpentine lie,

Craftily leading her away to die?

Did it put a smile upon your face,

As she put the rope noose in place,

Was your evil appetite at all sated,

As from this world her life faded?

Were your eyes filled with ecstasy,

Setting loose the wailing banshee,

Tasting the sweetness of her death,

Her breasts no more rising in breath?

Her mom and dad sobbing in heaves,

As you enjoy the evil you conceived,

The lowering of the casket to ground,

Dirt thrown making a ghastly sound.

November 16^th twenty six she'd be,

Yet another birthday she would see,

Except for you O' Mighty Macbeth,

Proving your prowess in her death.

One day we shall meet face to face,

Your lies no longer finding a place,

Upon her shoulders so sweet to ride,

As you talk young girls into suicide.

On that day not a one will protest

The gallows putting suicide to rest,

Then peace shall return like a dove,

Leaving me to long for her true love.

(Written Nov 15^th, 2012)

Page 5

One Text Too Many

For the second time in weeks,

I was texting her goodbye,

I was in love with her,

she was with another guy ...

She told me how I hurt her,

in her very first reply,

how I could do it again,

I cannot answer as to why ...

Afraid I was ruining her life,

a reasonable enough lie,

reason enough to let her go,

never thought she would die ...

I was deleting all of her texts,

her phone number too,

wiping her from my life,

as I got the message from you ...

She was gone,

suicide deleted,

wiped from my phone,

wiped from my life,

around her neck a noose,

in my heart a knife …

(Written January 4^th, 2013)

Page 6

Two Months

Two months since I held her hand last,

her hand so cold the last time I held it.

Two months since I gazed into her eyes,

her eyes so beautiful now sewn closed.

Two months since I bathed in her smile,

her smile wonderful for a man to behold.

Two months since I rejoiced in her laughter

laughter that would make your heart soar.

Two months since I received the phone call,

telling me that you weren't here anymore.

(Written November 27, 2012)

Page 7

Cold In The Cup

My coffee grows cold in the cup,

it seems tasteless this morning,

as I sit and think about Melanie …

This sad thought enters my mind,

it breaks my heart to even consider …

She will be in the cold cold ground,

ten, twenty, fifty, years from now,

And, if alive, I will still be missing her …

… Missing her! … Loving her! ...

(Written November 1^st, 2012)

Page 8

Where Once I Saw Your Face

O' Darkness

O' Heartbreak

O' Loneliness

shout to the heavens

of grief's tear stained sorrow!

From where inside

Doth such emptiness abide

haunting my yesterdays

Raining on my today

Destroying my tomorrows?

O' inexplicable

O' Infinitesimal

O' Torrential

pain with you gone

swallowed alive!

O' Death

drowning all my smiles

In tears of bile

With no hope of refrain

Only vacuum remains!

A Black Hole in Space

Where once I saw your face ...

(Written December 2^nd, 2012)

Page 9

When Suicide Lays A Friend's Daughter To Rest

I can't begin to imagine,

what must go through your mind,

as you look back in time,

to when she was but a little girl,

ever so sweet and blind,

to all the evil in this wicked world,

when living was life,

and the thought of dying unkind …

(Written June 6^th, 2013)

Page 10

Within Her Eyes, Her Smile, Her Laughter Sweet

There is more to a woman's beauty,

than that which men see upon the outside ...

While some chase after a sexy figure,

those smarter look deep into her eyes ...

A woman's smile can outshine the sun ...

If she does not smile your life has no light ...

Without such wonderful light in your life,

you will wander your days in darkness ...

The joy of a woman’s' laughter brings rain,

rain upon a most desolate land called man …

Blessed is that man on whom the rain falls,

to find his heart taken prisoner, forever lost,

within her eyes, her smile, her laughter sweet …

(Written January 22^nd, 2013)

Page 11

Why Awaken?

To your loving memory,

I awaken each morning,

your face ever before me,

your name upon my lips.

How long shall I miss you,

call your name at night,

see your coffin lowered,

knowing in it you lie?

What peace is there found,

after the saddest of days,

your life tragically over,

my life no longer a life?

What hope can be had,

I will see you no more?

Life must go on it's said.

I pray, it goes on, without me ...

(Written November 22^nd, 2012)

Page 12

All Alone In The Crowd

“Sometimes no line or rhyme can adequately

express that which your heart desires to say”

-- Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn

The light has gone out of the house on Alexander Street ...

It left when the sound of your laughter ceased to be heard,

and the brightness of your beautiful smiling eyes departed,

as much, too, damn late, we came to realize, in tearful eyes,

that you were, always, alone in the crowd

-- that loved you so …!

If you only knew or even had a clue,

that pain would come down as rain,

upon all so blue who loved you true,

drowning in beers and so many tears,

of sorrow with no sight of tomorrow,

since that day you chose to go away,

breaking our hearts in two over you ...

You would be so sad to see your Dad,

now a broken old man without a plan,

or a tomorrow without tears of sorrow,

he misses you so more than you know,

each day cruel to live on without you,

drinking like a fish in hope of one wish,

that you knew how much he loved you ...

Longing to pick you up for work,

just one more time,

and not caring how long --

he has to wait to see his baby girl …

Melanie …

(Written September 25^th, 2013)

Page 13

Here Alone

Dark thoughts surround my heart,

emotion unbridled rages within.

She's gone, I can't bring her back.

No amount of crying will do so.

Death has revealed itself to be,

life without this world's troubles.

Life with Melanie, wherever she is,

is better than life here without her.

My hell, is to be here -- alone …

(Written November 27^th, 2012)

Page 14

Author's Note of Disclaimer:

Suicide Is An Irreversible Mistake

“The poetry shared above represents an emotion filled attempt at painting, to canvass of page, a true-to-tragic-events-of-life mental & emotional visualization of the consequences of opting out of this life via that deceptive mechanism called suicide. Suicide is not a cardinal sin as taught by the mythological fairy-tale fabrications of men, known as Organized Religion. Suicide is nothing more than a mistake; a life ending irreversible decision; an act that can never be undone; a departure upon a journey that leads to nonexistence, from whence there is no return ...

Suicide, and its impact upon others, is realistically (though metaphorically) equivalent to a 9.4 magnitude earthquake that begins by destroying one person's life at its epicenter, to, then, generate a consequences-to-foolish-acts-emotional-tsunami that speedily ravages the hearts & lives of all those who loved you, as they are swept away within a mental stormy sea of guilt, regret, and relentlessly unceasing thoughts of anguish as to what they could have done to save you, what they should have done to save you and failed to do to save you -- feeling a never ending responsibility, without a moment's reprieve, for an act you chose to commit in leaving those who loved you with lives that will never be the same, ever, again, as they pay in tear stained remorse, of guilt they do not deserve, for your mistake -- a decision you made that they will pay as debt of regret for the entirety of the rest of their lives, because they still love you, and will always love you …

Suicide is not a video game. There is no reset button, or prize you can attain, as a good player, that awards you with more lives, or a second chance … Suicide plays for keeps!

If you suffer from suicidal thoughts and imaginary scenarios of killing yourself and ending it all, please do call for help, NOW, before it is too late, as that next round of playing with thoughts of offing yourself in your mind might just be that time when your private little fantasy, of release from the problems and torments of this life, becomes an all too surreal reality that can never reversed or undone, in suddenly and calmly materializing as that life ending act known as suicide ... Don't wait! … Get help now! … Before it is too late …

Why have I shared this poetry compilation? In order that those who may be considering ending their own lives might know the sheer devastation of broken hearts and lives of friends and family they leave to drown in the tsunami wake of their self inflicted deaths Each poem is written from the muse's perspective of someone who truly cared about a young woman who chose to kill herself, when she had the entirety of her young life ahead of her. But no more … Her death utterly devastated her family. They will never be the same, ever, again, as the fine people that I know personally.

In addition, I share this compilation in the hope that doing so will keep a wonderful girl's memory alive and burning in the hope that learning about her, who she was, and how she died, might just cause someone, even if it is only one person's life saved, to reconsider ending their own lives, as they witness the devastation and unending grief that she, unintentionally and unwittingly, brought upon all the many folks who loved her -- and continue to love her today.

As for me? I do not believe in Heaven or Hell, or any form of Eternal Afterlife. I believe this one life is all that we have to live. Therefore, I will never piss off the shot at living that I have. I do hope that you will choose to do the same: LIVE! Your life matters! Thank you for reading …”

-- Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Author's Note

For potential readers and reviewers: Though this post is a poetry compilation, there is no intent to force any reader to read, absorb, and comment upon each and every poem contained within this compilation. Simply scan this piece as the Tribute and Memorial post that it is, and if a particular poem strikes you fancy, please do identity the given piece in your comment below ... There is no requirement to read and comment upon each and every piece, but only that which does speak your, individual, heart and mind.

Thank you,

Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham

Reviews

[Chris Shaw]

I have read the first two of thirteen poems, in memory of a much loved young woman who died at her own hands. A tragedy of immense proportions, especially for those left behind trying to come to terms with the enormity of her death. Melanie was clearly loved. I can not imagine the agony of losing someone in this way. The guilt must hang heavy. The what ifs, must ring loud. It would gave been nice to leave a comment after each read. I will return to read further poems.

Chris

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham]

Thank you so much Chris ... The idea behind this first post of one more to come is that of hoping to reach those who may be entertaining such permanently life ending notions, and hope that sharing the travesty of her having ended her life to leave others to suffer in the wake of her death, maybe, just maybe, will serve as means to dissuade them from ending their own lives ...

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn de Graham]

Suicide Tsunami Volume Two: https://www.writerscafe.org/writing/mtcflynndegraham/2876102/