Oh Agony

Experiencing acute physical pain. I had been reading a lot of John Keats before writing this.

Thou art my most constant companion.

An agony of the body and soul, and one that pierces

Into the darkest of nights, when, alone and weary,

I succumb to being enveloped in thy shroud.

I cannot escape thee, nor do I wish to.

Thou hast taught me patience and

Endurance; to appear before all and mask thee with

A smile; a smile to avoid those repelling looks of

Pity. Yet I yearn for the notice.  My soul longs to know love.

What is love, but an emotion binding two spirits

Forever. Forever? Nay, is it possible? Love, in mine

Own life, has rarely been reciprocated for long. One

Hand is all it takes to know the people whose love

Shall never run away, or be stolen.

Why, then, dear soul, dost thou languish?

Is not the love of thy companions enough? Or is it the lack of companionship

That thou art feeling so keenly? Nay. There is something

Else that is tearing thee apart. Something unnamed.

Even now, dear pain, thou art with me.

Every motion causes my body to writhe and

My soul to mourn. To mourn the loss of freedom

And joy. Now it is only here in fleeting moments.

This is not one of those times. Oh, sun, you may shine,

But my spirit is still cheerless. Though there be not

A cloud in the sky, there is a storm in my soul.

A storm that threatens to burst out. Not with words,

But in silent drops of a salted rain. Will it end?

Oh, sweet music, thou art my friend now. All others

Fade. They fade as the flowers fade. They are beautiful

And wonderful when they are there. But those times

Have passed. New flora bloom in their place, but thou

Hast been my most faithful of companions. When all

Others have gone, you shall sing a sweet aria in my ear

And in my soul. Oh that time would pass more quickly that

My life might have meaning again. That is all.

Meaning and purpose, even if that purpose be minute.