When Hopes Fall Down

A Poem by Melissa

It seems I was rather angsty on my last birthday...I got kidnapped for a roadtrip.

Hope is invaluable.
Take it away and we are reduced to nothing.
I do not hope in the finite.
My hope is in the Infinite.
I don’t allow myself to anticipate in excitement.
They’ll probably cancel.
They don’t want to do this, and will have a last minute emergency.
Others will decide they need my help.

How could I let them fend for themselves?
Only I can help them.
My happiness is irrelevant.
My wishes don’t matter.
When I wish, a target appears over my head and I am the deserter before a firing squad.
When I wish, time runs out before I can get to the ball.
I forgot my lesson.
I allowed myself to hope.
The dream was just a wish that cannot come to pass.
I am needed here.
She needs more time.
He’s fully booked for the foreseeable future.
Who am I to have a life?
What right have I to leave?
I am not a slave.
I enslave myself to others.
I bend over backwards to be there for a friend.
I don’t bend for family.
I’m selfish and lonely, and the invitation to fun was more than I could handle.
It’s okay.
Keeping to the regular schedule, then.
This is why I hate birthdays.
Everyone cares but no one cares.
I don’t care.
Leave me. I’d rather enjoy a chilly breeze than endure your icy glare.
Let me run away and dream among the trees and the sky.
I will store up on the fullness of life,
Then you can try to drain me for everything I’ve got.
I have hope in the Infinite.
I wish it would suffice.