A Scene

This is a scene that plays in my head a lot. This is a scenario of what happens when someone you care about leaves and this person sees the true feelings that are towards him

Place: Central Park
Time: Midnight
Setting A cool summer night in August
Event: A group are hanging in Central Park. The lead in this scene is person who feels out of place in the world and feels he has something more to offer in the world. The supporting person in this scene is a girl that he loves with all his heart and is his best friend. They are having fun  when all of a sudden a dark figure emerges from a bright blue portal. This figure tells the lead that he must go with him to the depths of hell and will return in one year's time if the lead can handle the horrors that he will face.

Figure: Greetings boy it is a pleasure to meet you

Boy: Who are you? (exasperated breath)

Figure: I am your guide to a better life. I heard your cries for a better life and Im offering that too you.

Boy: What must I do?

Figure: You will come with me to my domain and you will stay there for one year. The conditions are treacherous and I cant promise you will be able to come back. You will learn everything ever wanted to know about life and you will change. So will you do it? Will you take that chance?

Boy: I would be lying to myself that I am not nervous about this. I have dream about having this moment come to me and now that it is here I am left unsure.

(The Boy looks over to his group and says the following:)

"I must take his offer. If I am to stay here I will not realize my full potential. You guys have seen me at my worse and have seen me lost within life. This opportunity that is given to me will be life changing to the highest degree. I have no clue as to how much I will change, but in case the change is major I wanted to say thank you for all your support and patience over the years. You are the best and I will see you in one year."

 ( As the boy leaves the girl runs after him and hugs him tightly. The boy looks at his friend and sees tears streaming down her face.)

Girl: Please don't go. I don't want nothing bad to happen to you. I accept who you are. I love the way you are and most of all I love you.

(crying relentlessly)  Why do you have to go?

( A short pause and the boy says:)

Boy: I must find myself before it is too late. I dont deserve to suffer at my hands or by others hands. I'm not only doing it for me but I'm doing it for you because you deserve the best out of me. I love you so much that I'm willing to go through whatever is within that portal. I will make you a promise that I will do everything I can in my mind, body and soul to come back to you as changed man and show you strength like you have never seen. So keep me in your heart always, and before you know a year will has passed and you will get to hug me again. Things will be as they were except for some small details.

(The boy kisses the girl in the forehead, gives her a tight hug and leaves within the portal.)

Reviews

[SilentDreamer]

Great idea, very creative. I like this. It's put together very well. More details would make it better. But I still really enjoyed this.

[Taylor H.]

I thought the setting in the beginning needs more detail (What does it mean, they are having fun?) also, the setting shouldn't say what the actor is about to say. Show it in the dialogue. Remember the details tell the director everything they need to know to put on your play.

I thought the main boy was wayyyy to accepting about this. and way to gullible

the dialogue wasn't realistic. and the grammar was messed up.

make it longer and fix the things i mentioned and this will be very interesting and fun to read.