Victim of Nothing

I am a victim of nothing

the ants were on the counter
boils forming under the skin
it sickens me

Over cooks the pasta
sometimes bores me senseless 
recently I became allergic to his affection

his voice frightens me
sharp but not clever
he tries to hurt me
I hate him 

He told me that I should leave
So I wondered around Bourbon Street
My body can’t take the booze
Like it did when I was clean
The damage has been done
I woke up with burning guts
 
I don’t expect anything 
why would he be descent to me?
I fell asleep during the sermon
Now he has nightmares about me

Next time around I’ll keep more things to myself
Although it’s nearly impossible for me
He cares too much to ignore me
on the line
the line

So we hate and like the same things
He puts on another layer of scales
a reason to forget my name 

Hope and shame
Streets filled with vomit and rain
a gust of wind to bring the smell of pis my way
And it’s all my fault 
the habits, the illness, the man
Born into decency 
but still wallowing in drug stores
I am not worth the mention
Still find some comfort 
in the fact that I will be missed

windows show empty rules
I cant go on forever with him
but I see myself going a couple months more

Because I’m really bad at fishing

Because I’m really bad at dating
Because some days he wants me and
some days he wants me no more

If he wants to control me
I will naturally choose to be lonely
I can be lonely just fine
I just got to leave him behind

large cockroaches crawl from the trash heap
i did not jump or sigh
I watched its body 
and its dirty life
pass this s**t by
weather is worm and wet
the rats make their nest
and around 4 AM I finally go to bed

I am a victim of nothing

but I do kinda like this place