She's an angel

She's the sound angel in my world of darkness.

You are everything to me

The one splash of color in my world full of grey

The only sound angel in the troubled world we call home.

You’re different.

I’ve never seen you cry

Your wings shield you from the dark rain clouds that form as thoughts

Inside our brains, telling us to give up

As they kill off the mindful like a plague.

The world’s black paint doesn’t seem to touch your beautiful skin

The rainy days never seem to affect you like they affect me

Because your wings are pure

And mine are torn.

A beautiful bubble of purity surrounds you

One I’ve been searching for

Because mine’s been popped abruptly

By demons in disguise.

You’ve got everything I used to have

And more.

I fell in love with you

Because you saw more than a broken heart when you looked my way

You brushed off my tears

And noticed my smile.

It’s up to me now

To keep your bright wings a beautiful white

I’ll keep you safe from this world full of broken hearts.

Because it’s all too familiar to me.

Reviews

[William Liston]

I loved this piece; even though describing a woman as an angel isn't original, I still enjoyed the emotional side of this piece. As for JayG's review, I agree with it in a sense, but in my opinion, poetry is not subject to the same rules that fiction is. In my opinion, the linkages of decriptions to events is not necessary in poetry because sometime, literary devices such as metaphors, similes,...etc. can create the emotional impact. Read the lyrics to Bette Midler's song "The Rose" and you'll know what I mean, or read Paul Laurence Dunbar's poem "We Wear the Mask" and you'll see my point. I think you did well with this piece.

-William Liston

[Chrys Marie]

This is absolutely beautiful and touching, especially the last lines. As always, your writing is gorgeous. I love the way you portrayed the theme, using angels and demons to make the meaning more striking. A job well done!

[iamshadowine]

this is the most beautiful poem ever!

"I fell in love with you
Because you saw more than a broken heart when you looked my way
You brushed off my tears
And noticed my smile."

and these lines brought such a big smile on my face! :D
keep writing :D

[Aks]

A beautiful piece of writing...... Really liked it..

[Akshita]

Nice! I envy this lucky angel. : )

[JayG]

If I was the one this is written to I would probably feel honored. But because I'm not, why do I care that someone I don't know is praising someone I've never met? Why not make me see what drove the speaker to feel, that way?

Think about fiction. Isn't it best when it makes YOU feel, and care? Lacking that it's just a detailed history of a fictional character, and as exciting as any other history book. Is poetry any different? Would you rather read a love letter I wrote to my wife, or something that made you love her as I do?

See my point? Don't tell the reader how you feel. Make them feel.

[Addict With a Pen]

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Do you have any suggestions on how I could do that? Some way I could put the emotion in poetry without writing about someone, because that's what I've based all of my recent poems on. I don't know much about writing, I just barely got into it. Anything you can say that I can try to do to better my writing is greatly appreciated. Looking back at this, I feel the same way as you. It's kind of boring through someone else's eyes..

[JayG]

First, remember that poetry, like fiction, is emotion based. So when you're telling the reader a fact, it must have emotional content for-that-reader. Intent doesn't make it to the page, so for a reader, context is everything.

You can evoke context by mentioning something in the reader's life. If, for example, you talk about the sound of children shrieking in play, it calls up the feel of a playground.

There are also the tricks of language that cause a rhythm to our speech. Take a look at the excerpt for Stephen Fry's, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He's writing primarily for those who write structured poetry, but what he has to say about language and prosody is something every writer should, know.

To see how a master puts that to work, look at Billy Collins: http://www.poemhunter.com/billy-collins/poems/page-1/

His poetry shows how prosody alone, without the structure of rhyming, gives a cadence that makes the poem march.

And for structured poetry, Robert Service's, The Cremation of Sam McGee, has served for over a hundred years, to get listeners pounding the table to the beat it provides. You can read it here:
http://www.wordinfo.info/words/index/info/view_unit/2640/?letter=C&spage=26

And after you look it over, listen to it read by Johnny Cash, and notice that though it has a rhyming structure, the rhymes feel almost incidental, because the word chosen is the perfect one for the thought, and almost never feels forced.

Notice too, how it draws you in and makes you wonder what comes next, so you're more a participant than audience. Added to that, it's fun, and leaves you smiling, which is why it made him a LOT of money, and endures today.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

[Addict With a Pen]

Wow! Thank you so much! I really appreciate it, this is the best writing advice anyone has ever given me. I will do all my research, and I will bring the emotion to the reader just like you said. Again, thank you so much for your time and advice, It means a lot to me.

[AliciaB]

This is beautiful. There's an interesting theme of mutual protection - the angel figure protects the speaker, but he also wishes to preserve her purity. The lines I found most moving: "As they kill off the mindful like a plague" (because those who think the most hurt the most)... "Because your wings are pure /And mine are torn"... "By demons in disguise" (nice alliteration, and freaky image)... "Because you saw more than a broken heart when you looked my way / You brushed off my tears / And noticed my smile"... "Because it’s all too familiar to me" (way to end with a punch!) Excellent work!