Memories

When I close my eyes, all I can see is an image of what we used to be and bleed for.
In the back of your car, looking at the stars in the sky and I believe I could die,
just like this, and it would be okay, because at least it was with you, the way I spent my last day.
In the back of my car, avoiding our parents as I drive down a road, my feelings transparent.
The mental fuzz and loss of words that you give me when I see you smile with your imperfectly perfect teeth
is unlike any other warm feeling that has ever reassured me.
Laying on your basement couch, wasting our days was the best way for us to say anything that ever crossed our minds.
And in time, I was content wasting my time with you, because I believed this was true.
And it was tried with days where we both felt that even time could not take the pain away.
And in that day that I thought you would leave this world, you stayed and I was relieved, yet how did it fade?
Had the countless days and time spent together bring about this dull weather?
How could you look me in the eyes while we were on the that bridge and lie with your perfect words
that this would last forever? How could my vices and your vices destroy this insurmountable feeling I held dear?
Tell me how seeing you in that red dress every made me think this was unclear.
Tell me how the flowers on your doorstep made it so you weren't here.
That night in the north parking lot still draws a smile from the corners of my lips that used to meet yours.
Sometimes, I can see you in my dreams, but it seems that it will never be the same and I'm the one to blame
for this mess that has left me with unrest, fair to say.
But even though it tests me and stresses me, I'm happy to hold onto the memories.
They get the best of me and the rest of me finds it hard to carry on with these feelings bestowed upon me,
but at times, they uncertainly carry me and make me believe that I will feel the same again, eventually.