Private pt.2

I think it is when we're alone that we're able to reflect and think about our lives. 

I am alone in my room. My friends just left to go to their class. I used to like it when I am left alone, but now it feels different. I dont want to be left alone. I want someone to accompany me. I want someone to make me feel that I matter cos all this time I've been feeling useless and less...

For the past few days I've done things I never thought I'd be able to do. I've revealed secrets I never thought I'd be able to say to anyone, trust is not something that you render to just anyone. I dont want to think that I made the wrong choice of telling it to someone but I know for sure, if I regret this decision, there's no one else to blame but myself. I let my guard down. 

Now the consquences are starting to engulf me. It is coming back at me. For breaking the most kept secret I have, I had. It feels like something was robbed from me. I feel scared too. I dont know. After I have revealed that I changed. I craved for more, but what's more painful is that I cant be upfront of my cravings because it is something that is considered as immoral. 

The feeling of wanting something so badly yet you cant get it, is what I consider as the most tormenting part. 

I need help, I want help but how?