Driving

Driving

A Chapter by Nicole
"

The girls find an unexpected surprise at the cabin.

"


“Are we almost there?” Asked Maggie anxiously.

“Just about 45 more minutes,” replied Jenna, who is Maggie’s best friend.

The two were driving on a deserted road when Jenna came to a complete halt.

“What the hell Jen!” Screamed Maggie.

“There’s somebody in the road!” Exclaimed Jenna.

It was a man, he looked like he was maybe in his mid 30’s. In a way Maggie thought he looked sinister. He came up to the window, Jenna rolled it down.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“No I’m okay,” said the man.

Jenna rolled up the window and drove away. Maggie looked back and the man got in his car and went in the same direction as Maggie and and Jenna.  Maggie thought nothing of it at first, but after 5 minutes became 10 Maggie started getting a little creeped out.

 

She shook it off again. Maggie then dozed off.

 

Then she heard a voice. “WAKE UP MAGGIE WE’RE HERE!” screamed Jenna. Maggie sprang out of her seat.

 

She looked behind the red corvette, the old rusty Toyota that the man was in stopped. Then it drove on.

 

Maggie and Jenna walked inside the little log cabin out on Lake Superior in the middle of nowhere. It was a cold winter night so the two girls were shivering. Maggie wasn’t only shaking because she was cold, but because she was frightened.

 

As they came to the door Jenna reached for a little flower pot, she picked it up and took a key from under it. The key was quite dusty. Jenna put the key in the old lock and turned it.

 

When the girls got inside it was just as cold as it was outside. Jenna cranked up the old heater. Maggie lit the fireplace and sat on the little rocking chair beside it.

 

“Hey, isn’t your uncle supposed to be here Jen?” asked Maggie a little confused.

 

“Oh yeah, he’s probably sleeping, I’ll go check on him.”

 

As Jenna went back Maggie stood up and turned on a few lights. This looks pretty cozy Maggie thought.

 

Then all of sudden a piercing scream came from the bedroom. Maggie sprinted to the back of the little house.

 

She walked into the little bedroom where a dire stench filled the air. She looked where Jenna was staring. There was her uncle dead, lifeless on his bed. “He must have had a heart attack or a stroke.” said Jenna holding back her tears.

 

"I'm calling my mom," said Jen.

 

She got out her phone and dialed her number. 

 

"S**T!" "There's no service!" 

 

"Come on Jen, we'll drive back in the morning."

 

"We need to get some sleep!" said Maggie.

 

The girls walked into the family room and made a bed.  They definetly didn't want to sleep in the back.

 

The two girls fell asleep.

 

In the morning at 6:30 the girls leaped in the car.  Jenna put the key in the ignition.  She turned it and...............nothing.  She turned them again...................again nothing. 

 

"What luck," said Jen.

 

"The battery is dead."

 

"Oh my god!"  "We're going to be trapped here with your uncle's body until somebody finds us here!?" said Maggie anxiously.

 

"I guess so." replied Jen.

"The nearest house or store or ANYTHING IS AT LEAST 45 miles away!"

"Perfect place to build a cabin mom and dad!"

 

They went back in the big log cabin.  They watch the television for 5 hours.  Sadly the old black and white had only two channels.  They were both channels with infomercials on.

 

It 9:00 PM when the girls ate dinner.  Macaroni and cheese.  YUM!

 

Later at 1:30 the girls went to bed.

 

It's scary,

 

You never no what can happen when your back is turned or even when you least expect anything, like when you are asleep!

 

 

 



© 2010 Nicole


Author's Note

Nicole
This chapter is not done!
Now it is!

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Reviews

Yea, I have to say it does go by fast. Take ur time and OMG I wanna know wat happend! The man they saww, must have something to do with it, if he seemed sinister. Msg me for the rest and the next chapter!

Posted 13 Years Ago


NOO it will be much longer MIA!!!

Posted 13 Years Ago


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Mia
Nice start, but is this the whole chapter? Because this is nowhere near the length of a chapter. First chapters are normally shorter than the others, but they are nowhere near this short. Maybe you just didn't upload it all? I'd really suggest making it longer. You missed a question mark somewhere, you have a comma instead. Also, when having a conversation between two characters, it should not be included in a paragraph. Here is that section written with the proper format.

“Are we almost there?” Asked Maggie anxiously.

“Just about 45 more minutes,” replied Jenna, who is Maggie’s best friend.

The two were driving on a deserted road when Jenna came to a complete halt.

“What the hell Jen!” Screamed Maggie.

“There’s somebody in the road!” Exclaimed Jenna.

It was a man, he looked like he was maybe in his mid 30’s. In a way Maggie thought he looked sinister. He came up to the window, Jenna rolled it down.

“Can I help you?” she asked.

“No I’m okay,” said the man.

Jenna rolled up the window and drove away. Maggie looked back and the man got in his car and went in the same direction as Maggie and Jenna. Maggie thought nothing of it at first, but after 10 minutes Maggie started getting a little creeped out. She told Jenna but Jenna didn’t care.

You were also missing a period at the end. I added it in for you. This is a good start, but again, it needs to be a lot longer if you want it to be a full chapter.





Posted 13 Years Ago



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Added on July 6, 2010
Last Updated on August 13, 2010


Author

Nicole
Nicole

Pewaukee, WI



About
My name is Nicole. I have been writing since I was 5. I want to get my work published someday. more..

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