I'm Breaking the Cycle

I am not my mother's child.
[[I refuse to be]]
But I see myself in her.
It makes me vomit.
Ironically, she's the car that drove me to mia.
So controlling, she forced me to go.
Constant judgment of my body.
Constant judgement of my persona.
Constant judgement of me.
Couldn't take the criticism, couldn't take the judgement.
Needed a release; needed to release. Too much to take.
Too much of her in me.
Lost in the satisfaction of releasing.
Lost in the fumes of my insides.
Can't find a way out. Trapped.
Trapped with out a map.
I don't know where to go, what to do.
Stranded, yet encapsulated.
Getting rid of my mother. But losing myself in the process.
Losing me.
I'm lost and unable to find myself.
Nothing is left but my cold soul.
Left to cut the ambilical cord.
Tread the timeline to erase the memories.
Slice the mother-son bond with a razor blade.
So I can breathe.
So I can live.
So I can be in control.
The strings have been cut.
Now....Pinocchio dances free.

Reviews

[deeps]

Yes I too can relate to this.
Very well said and written.

[Spoken]

yes, i can relate also... especially the part about seeing too much of the abuser in you... always afraid you will turn into them without realizing because it's all you've ever known. I applaud your strength to cut the line. Well felt and excellently placed.

[Rachel DeHart]

I know this feeling so very well myself.

These lines hit a personal note for me
"Getting rid of my mother. But losing myself in the process.
Losing me.
I'm lost and unable to find myself.
Nothing is left but my cold soul."
Amazing, truly.

[kryptonite911]

I have felt like this before, you feel like you have no where to run and yet you still keep going back for more knowing that the abuse is not going to stop.

[unspokenguilt]

I'm nothing like my mother, she's wild and out there while i'm reserved or quiet. However, I do have some of her features. I see what your saying, or at least I think I do. You don't want to be seen as your mother's child but as yourself, a seperate, an individual.

[nocturnalbeast]

It is truly amazing....what people will do for their own happiness, once they are tired of getting hurt. [[maybe even hurt other people.]]

[The Devil's Own B***h]

Oh WOW!!!! I went cold when I read this. It is brilliant. We so often say that we do not want to be like our parents and yet more often than not we find ourselves growing up to be just like them. Breaking that tie - "cutting the ambilical cord" as you put it - is hard.

Excellent poem!!!!

Josie

[nocturnalbeast]

thank u soooo MUCH!

[Kristina Moulaison]

I like this. It flows well. Full of strong emotion and compelling language. Loved the first line. I am not my mother's child...constant judgement, lost, trapped, stranded, needing to cut the cord...to be free. Very nice. I wrote a poem with a similar sentiment about my mother, so I totally felt this.