I'm Breaking the Cycle

I'm Breaking the Cycle

A Poem by nocturnalbeast

I am not my mother's child.
[[I refuse to be]]
But I see myself in her.
It makes me vomit.
Ironically, she's the car that drove me to mia.
So controlling, she forced me to go.
Constant judgment of my body.
Constant judgement of my persona.
Constant judgement of me.
Couldn't take the criticism, couldn't take the judgement.
Needed a release; needed to release. Too much to take.
Too much of her in me.
Lost in the satisfaction of releasing.
Lost in the fumes of my insides.
Can't find a way out. Trapped.
Trapped with out a map.
I don't know where to go, what to do.
Stranded, yet encapsulated.
Getting rid of my mother. But losing myself in the process.
Losing me.
I'm lost and unable to find myself.
Nothing is left but my cold soul.
Left to cut the ambilical cord.
Tread the timeline to erase the memories.
Slice the mother-son bond with a razor blade.
So I can breathe.
So I can live.
So I can be in control.
The strings have been cut.
Now....Pinocchio dances free.

© 2008 nocturnalbeast


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Reviews

Yes I too can relate to this.
Very well said and written.

Posted 10 Years Ago


yes, i can relate also... especially the part about seeing too much of the abuser in you... always afraid you will turn into them without realizing because it's all you've ever known. I applaud your strength to cut the line. Well felt and excellently placed.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I know this feeling so very well myself.

These lines hit a personal note for me
"Getting rid of my mother. But losing myself in the process.
Losing me.
I'm lost and unable to find myself.
Nothing is left but my cold soul."
Amazing, truly.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I have felt like this before, you feel like you have no where to run and yet you still keep going back for more knowing that the abuse is not going to stop.

Posted 11 Years Ago


I'm nothing like my mother, she's wild and out there while i'm reserved or quiet. However, I do have some of her features. I see what your saying, or at least I think I do. You don't want to be seen as your mother's child but as yourself, a seperate, an individual.

Posted 11 Years Ago


It is truly amazing....what people will do for their own happiness, once they are tired of getting hurt. [[maybe even hurt other people.]]

Posted 11 Years Ago


Oh WOW!!!! I went cold when I read this. It is brilliant. We so often say that we do not want to be like our parents and yet more often than not we find ourselves growing up to be just like them. Breaking that tie - "cutting the ambilical cord" as you put it - is hard.

Excellent poem!!!!

Josie

Posted 11 Years Ago


thank u soooo MUCH!

Posted 11 Years Ago


I like this. It flows well. Full of strong emotion and compelling language. Loved the first line. I am not my mother's child...constant judgement, lost, trapped, stranded, needing to cut the cord...to be free. Very nice. I wrote a poem with a similar sentiment about my mother, so I totally felt this.

Posted 11 Years Ago



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Added on September 7, 2008

Author

nocturnalbeast
nocturnalbeast

Detroit, MI



About
I really don't know..... I'm kindda confused about myself right now.... But...whoever is reading this....I LOVE U!. [[really]]. I love acting. [[Theatre is my life]] singing. [[harmonizing]] dancing. .. more..

Writing
Ha! Ha!

A Poem by nocturnalbeast



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