Autumn

As I was driving home, I passed a tree that made me see our fall is here. It was the color of a ripe peach.

The days have lost their length as
the air is boldly crisp.
Lakes return to glass while the weeds decay away;
reflecting   to us   a most beautiful thing.

As leaves give life   to trees
they change from green      to peach.
Ripe     as the coming days of life   slow
for a crystalline canvas
of white.

Author's Note

I feel like these work seperately but the stanzas don't coalesce how I want them to.. suggestions for a transition that might smooth the way?

Reviews

[Mazie]

Wow beautiful images!!! Just took a drive looking at the fall colours and it reminded me of that :) I think they're both beautifully written, though I think I see what you're saying... One stanza discusses fall and immediately alludes to the turning of fall into winter, whereas the second is more focused not the transition from summer to fall. I personally think it's beautiful the way it is, but if you feel it's not quite right, maybe a flow that follows the seasons would help? Ex. show the images of summer-to-fall-to-winter, instead of back and forth. But that's just a suggestion :) The diction is perfect. I certainly wouldn't change that :)

[Chase]

Thank you Mel, i do appreciate the feedback:) I only spent five minutes writing this so it isn't a HUGE concern of mine, but I will be revisiting it at some point to work on the transition! What did you think of the lengthened spaces? Did you automatically hesitate a little longer at them than a normal space? Its been a new thing for me. I love experimenting with space and structure; its fun to let it replace punctuation at times. Just some experimentation :)

[Mazie]

ah well, for five minutes that's very good! lol Umm, tbh I don't normally see a lot of spacing.. I understand it now, and yes it did make me pause.. though at first, I admit, I thought it was a spacing error XD Like I said I'm jut not used to seeing it very often, I stick mainly with my sonnets, but it is fun to experiment for sure :)

[Chase]

Haha thanks (: And i love experimenting with structure so.. now you know for the future that the longer the space the longer the pause!! Keep it in mind when reading my work; ) and always ask if it doesn't make sense!

[Priscilla Sayers]

Beautiful images dance around my head whilst reading your piece
Like a soft breeze on a day like this...
A forever living chrysalis.

[Chase]

I'm glad to have drawn such images from your head with my work, as that is it's true intention; Thank you!

[Emily]

Great poem!
I love the wording!
Keep it up!