Only Pity

Wish I could
stop the tears
pouring down my cheeks
at the thought of you.
Night and day,
you haunt me.
The tears wear me out,
it's more than
physical exhaustion.
It's complete
mind, body, and soul
that is effected.

How much longer
can I continue
like this?
How much longer
before
I have to be committed?
Or
I literally drive
myself insane,
because I cannot
escape you on my own?

I cannot seem
to escape you,
no matter how
fast I run
or how far I travel.
You are always
there in my shadow,
needling your way
back into my heart.
I do not know
how many times
I've tried purging
myself of you.

Knowing that I let you
at one time run my life
and dictate as to what
I would do and when
does not help
in banishing you.

You are always
getting me into trouble.
You never share or open up.
You never let anyone close,
always building that
wall higher and higher.
You unconsciously
push loved ones away.
You are a sad, lonely,
and depressed individual.

I will no longer have
anything to do with you.

Don't give me that look
or beg like a child
in that voice.
It will not
persuade me in anyway.
If nothing else,
it'll make me
more confident that
I'm doing what
I should have done so long ago.

I pity you and will learn
from your mistakes,
and try my hardest
not to repeat them.

Take a huge sigh as I close
the door to my other half,
so that at least one of us
has a chance at survival.