Lay your head on my pillow

Last night, I dreamt.

We were sitting on my bed, relaxing peacefully, listening to music, and feeding off each other’s energy. Pure bliss. We exchanged random words/stories/ideas and laughed at how different we were, yet so common. Since it was getting late, you decided to stay the night. Work was in the morning.

I cooked a real meal for the first time in a while. You said it was one of the best you’ve had recently. Being me, I smiled inwardly and simply said thank you. We shared simple yet enjoyable dessert on the living room rug, which consisted of a warm dark fudge brownie, topped with vanilla ice cream, whipped cream, and sliced strawberries. I fed you. You blushed as I told you you were the most beautiful blessing that has entered my life in a while. I’ve never told you this, but…the first time I saw you blush my heart shed a tear— not a tear of sadness, but of pure satisfaction knowing that my gesture caused such a genuine, adorable look upon your face. I made a mental note to never forget that face, because it will forever give me internal warmth.

We watched a romantic comedy while lying in opposite directions. I did this purposely, so you wouldn’t see me staring at you. Every now and then, we would share short stories about what we had in common with the characters. I could get used to you being here with me, always. I pushed the thought out of my head. Not of fear of being hurt, but of fear of this moment ending too soon. I wanted to enjoy the right now without thoughts of what if.

I’ve never told you this, but…you make me nervous. To control my nervousness, I hide from you, so you wont see or know any of my flaws. You see, I’ve told you this once—you are beautiful all around and sometimes I think I’m too imperfect for you, that I would alter your beauty in a way I never wish to. You see, I only want to bring joy into your life, nothing less than pleasing and unforgettable memories. But truth is, I’m too complex for something so simple. I don’t want to taint you with my moodiness and pessimism ways. I just want to love you with my faithfulness and passion. Truth is, I can only be me. And sometimes I let my want for perfection for you to get in the way of you knowing me. It’s a mental battle of wanting and needing and having and getting. It’s a battle I plan to win and hope you are there upon my victory.

Innocently, we take separate showers and join each other in my bed, sipping on sweet wine and listening to soft music. We enjoy non verbal communication. My thoughst are out of control, so I spoke, letting you know how much I enjoy you, even when you aren’t around. You smile, not one to always express how you feel. I touched your hand reassuringly, letting you know I understand.

Not sure if it was the wine or the passion I witnessed in your eyes, perhaps both, but I kissed you hand then each finger. You closed your eyes welcoming whatever I was about to offer. I had no expectations or goals this night-- just love for you. Love words failed to convey, but I planned on showing you, now…

I opened a part of myself not revealed to anyone. I let you in my life, in my heart, in my womanhood. I surrendered to you completely, allowing my guards to fall as you undressed me. I put all my fears aside and my trust into you. I came out of hiding, hoping you would see all of me and understand the whys and the now, and accept it all. I hope you get it.

The love me made was greater than life. More refreshing than the coolest breeze on a hot summer day. You were all I wanted and needed at that moment. You were the last piece of the puzzle I’ve been working to complete. You were me and I were you as we became one, searching and finding our highest desires in each other. This was “It”.

This would be forever engraved in my heart and mind, permanent like the birthmark on the back of my neck. The same place where you kissed me before saying those 3 words and drifting off to sleep. “I love you, Danielle.” I hoped my words found their way from your ears to your heart, because I love you too, always have.

For the first time in months, I slept through the night, uninterrupted. With a smile on my face, I began to wake up knowing work wasn’t an option this Monday, but breakfast in bed was a necessity. I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and into the kitchen to get you something to drink. I walked into the bedroom to see my bed made up and no sign of you.

Confused at first, I realized I had fallen asleep on the papasan chair in the living room, with my laptop in my lap showing a screen of something I was writing for you. Not sure when I fell asleep, but it was 4 in the morning when I awoke. Baffled, I got into bed and silently prayed you’ll be there beside me when I opened my eyes.

Dreams become reality sometimes-- I hope this is one of those times.