Our Dance

I remember that fateful day when you and I first met.

We twirled around the dance floor lost in time.

When we leaned in to rest our heads together. 

Our eyes locked,

and I knew then I would love you forever.

I'm honored to have spent forever with you,

but forever at times doesn't seem long enough.

These machines keep you here with me.

Tethered to earth like a kite, 

but Down here it's stormy weather.

Now it's time to let you go,

but first I'll have you know.

Our time apart however long or brief;

will feel like forever to me.

I’m tortured by this.

I wish you didn’t have to leave me

here alone to grieve.

Drift away and subside my fear..

 

I’ll love you always and forever..

Thanks for our dance my dear.

Author's Note

Someone gave me bad feedback on my lack of punctuation on this one, so I added some. In my opinion, Poetry is supposed to be raw, and punctuation is a restriction of energy. Still the way it was read to me without it, was an insult that I will never subject myself to again.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

A great dance of fate it was...A splendid poem...:)........

[Zachary Esher]

Thank You,

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome...:)..............................

[Shaquana Adams]

I remember that fateful day when you and I first met.
We twirled around the dance floor lost in time.

Lovely. This poem is simply mesmerizing. I enjoyed! :)

[Zachary Esher]

Thank you very much!

[CountNicholasAlti]

This is powerfully saddening and tugs at the strings of emotion. I could feel the agony in the voice, especially in this stanza: "These machines keep you here with me. Tethered to earth like a kite, but Down here it's stormy weather." Beautiful.
If I had to offer suggestions even though it is hard to do for a personal piece, for the sake of rhythm and flow I would suggest that instead of "I know it's time" you alternate that, maybe to something as simple as "Now it's time" or anything to get rid of the repetition of "know" as it isn't very striking compared to the rest of the text. Also, for the last line along the same purposes, it might read better if you substituted with something such as "Than you for our dance my dear" just to add a few syllables to match the previous lines.

[Zachary Esher]

Ahh good call and thank you.. I took your suggestion for the first part. I don't know how to reiterate the end just yet, but I agree. The speed of the word the way I have it. It should be read slower and more quietly like a whisper in in the end .
Not trying to make an excuse.. I will try to figure out how to change work it so it reads through with good pace.

[CountNicholasAlti]

I can see that, it is unfortunate that verbatim can not be flawlessly executed once put on paper, but it is a risk that can be taken nonetheless.

[Zachary Esher]

Damn you words, with your endless flaws. And why is there only ! < we need soft excitement marks.. hard ones.. neutral ones.. ? < We need hypothetical, and sarcastic ones of those.
Who do we call to suggest upgrades. English 3.0 lol